I scare myself sometimes. Okay, a lot of times. But with all the damn fighting I've had to do to make myself write (though it goes pretty easy once I get through whatever the hell is blocking me), it's a little freaky not to have to fight at all. Except to tell myself, I'm going to get in trouble for not paying attention at work. So what's the difference?
It's fanfiction, Evil Jack: For Worse to be precise. I was only going to get the opening scene started while waiting for a response on Schedule Changes continued and before I knew it I was lost in the head-over-heels creation bit and in the third scene about to start handwritten page 9. And it's only been two days!
So first reason I can come up with is I must be putting a whole shitload of subconscious pressure on myself on the original stuff. So much that I'd rather ignore it. Not that I slack off with fanfiction because it still has to be the best story it can possibly be, but they're for my friends. If my friends don't like a story, it may hurt for a little while, but they'll like the next one I do. It's not the same as sending a story off to an EDITOR.
Yes, I do realize this is my irrationality rearing it's ugly head. Editors are just as capable of being like my friends and liking one thing I write better than another. But I won't know unless I get over the fear of selling. Moving on.
Second reason: I think it's time I admit that I am an outliner and write much happier with an outline to follow. This story and the two that follow it in the Evil Jack series have been plotted out since 2003. Not that I slavishly follow the outline if something comes up that works better, but knowing how A leads to B and eventually gets to Z takes a lot of the worry away and I focus on details and nuances. When I finally got the end half of Zy's Novel outlined, most of the worry fog over it disappated.
Third reason: I hear them in my head even when I'm distracted. Originals are taking a lot more focus--maybe a side effect of not knowing the worlds and characters as well as I should being impatient to start writing and get it done. I've started a new book Novelist's Boot Camp by Todd A. Stone and realize I may be hurting my original stories by not laying proper foundation. But then I have an equally valid concern that I will get sucked into world building and not write a story. But I'm thinking Stone covers that later in the book.
So since it is going so scary well and it's been too damn long since I could say that about my writing, I'm going to finish the first draft. I may end up sitting on it for a while before editing and beta reading but it will be out of my head and out of the way.
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