Wednesday, June 30, 2004

So sleepy

Been getting a lot done, but trying to finish the website has been causing lack of sleep. I haven't stopped yawning all day long. On the other hand, looks like everything is green-lighted for the creative writing group and typing is ahead of schedule. The tweaks to the corpse description work really good. Now I'm debating whether ir not to end the chapter as I originally planned it, or open chapter four with the discovery of the body.

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The BookWorm

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Eew, he was dead how long?

Spending this writing hour typing because I have found a major flaw. Zy just discovered the first of the murderer's victims. He has been decomposing for sixty days. I got the smell covered, but I think the body would look in worse shape than I have described. So research to do.

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The BookWorm

Monday, June 28, 2004

Tired so tired

Stayed up way past my bedtime trying to finish the goddamned Library update. Of course it's all the pages I didn't do anything to during the first go around, but since I'm checking everything with the graphics reorganization, they're all full of errors.

Coworkers baby shower and mail out to work on. Time to get to work.

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The BookWorm

Friday, June 25, 2004

Bouncing Ideas Group

I took the stuff down because I am upset that my experiment failed. I can't recreate the bouncing ball group. You and I always end up fighting, T's response is always "sounds good can't wait to read the story," and Jazz gets caught in the middle. You guys never really wanted to comment, so I'll cut my loses now.

Okay, it has come to my attention that I didn't explain the rules. Or at least my intentions. I thought I had, but that's a different story.

Creative ball bouncing means asking for, getting, and clarifing feedback while in the writing stages of the story. In other words, you post the story notes or idea, someone else says what they think on it, and if you need to you add more of your idea add more, And things continue in the back and forth fashion until the problems get ironed out.

Who's interested in being in this group?

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The BookWorm

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Disappearance of the Evil Jack posts

They're gone because I was stupid enough to think I could discuss my story notes and find faults with them and correct those faults before writing a single word of the actual publishable story down.

I am sorry for subjecting my friends to this and forcing them to do something they didn't feel comfortable doing.

I'm sorry that my definition of "discuss," which means to clear up any preconceived notions my badly written notes have left with what is actually floating in my head on this project in nebulous form with a post responding to comments made, doesn't match anyone else's.

I have kept all comments made on the scene outlines, and will use them when I write the stories. Thank you for what you helped me come up with.

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The BookWorm

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 2 Question 3

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 2

3). Why does your protagonist want this thing?
1). She wants to please Murdock, and Murdock entrusted her with this case. 2). A killer must be caught to protect others. 3). She wants to do a good job, and to solve the crimes has always been her dream.

Are her reasons (her motivations) admirable?
Professionalism is always admirable, and Zy is trying hard to be a professional as she sees it--capture the bad guy and keep him from hurting more people. Wanting to please someone else is usually the sign of how much you care for them.

Are her reasons logical in this story situation?
Capturing the bad guys is her job. Before Murdock came into her life, she was another lost child in the foster care system with only detective fiction to build a moral code around. Murdock saved her and gave her a way of following her dream.

Are her reasons believable to the extent that a reader will accept them as strong (substantive, legitimate, urgent) enough to motivate a strong (substantive, independent, principled) protagonist throughout the entire length of your story?
Yeap. Her self-worth won't let her walk away.

Will a reader not only believe these character motives, but adopt them on behalf of the character and root for the character to achieve her desire?

I'm betting the book on it.

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The BookWorm

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

I hate the electric company

Why can't they settle on a number to use as the due date? Why does it have to be the first Monday of the month when my next paycheck falls on the Friday after that, so I have to try to squeeze that payment out of this paycheck? So what can I cut? Grocery shopping (again), my payment to Mom for use of her gas card, going to the vet (again)?

What makes the damn high electric bill even worse is that I was watching my usage! Everything went off except one AC because I don't want the cat to suffocate. I'm out of the house 12 hours a day, all the lights go out when I'm sleeping except for two nightlights. Two fans run constantly and possibly the computer if I don't turn it off. That creates at least a $10 difference in usage from last year? And the bill shows that the difference is in usage, not in price of electricity, though I'm going to have to double check that when I get home.

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The BookWorm

Tuesday, June 22, 2004


Once bitten twice shy. London rubbed me the wrong way when I commented on her BMFM stories, and I was hardly impressed with that level of writing. Should I give her another chance?

And drat, I just realized that my friend will be expecting me at 4:30 not 5:30. So I better go to the writing hour now. And I just got to the Vincent Price page!

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The BookWorm

Today as a goof-off day

Sure I could be working on a story while we're doing nothing all day long, but I want to read stuff in this great site I found on Horror movies. Can't stand watching them (so I don't like gore) but I don't mind reading about them. go ahead and check it out.

I do promise I will be done reading by the time my writing hour gets here and I will go to work.

And my cat was completely mesmerizied by the stationary bike. No surprise, I don't think anyone has been on it since I brought him home. I only got 10 minutes of exercise on it this morning. I had a late start pulling myself together. More on Mustard's reactions tomorrow.

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The BookWorm

Monday, June 21, 2004

30 Minutes

Quote of the Day: Women's virtue is man's greatest invention. -- Cornelia Otis Skinner

The need and benefit of thirty minutes of exercise a day has been well documented according to this article that sums it all up. My problem has been finding the time. I tried getting up an hour earlier to exercise, but the trade off with lack of sleep doesn't work. But that was with an exercise routine that took about 45 minutes.

Since I'm not willing to get up that early, and I'm not willing to give up my writing hour for exercise hour, and exercising after I get home would make me too wired for real sleep, I figured the exercising was doomed. Just try to watch what I eat. I gained 5 pounds since my last doctor's visit in April.

Then it hit me this morning, the alarm is set for 5am. The cat expects his food at 5am. (Poor thing must have figured I was going to put more flea killing stuff on him, he left me alone this morning.) I don't have to get up till 5:30am in order to be ready for work, but I hate setting the minutes on the clock so I set the alarm on the hours. I found my thirty minutes.

Course, I had this revelation when it was time to crawl out of bed and get dressed. But I'm going to start tomorrow!

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The BookWorm

Sunday, June 20, 2004

*Bleary-eyed* Finished?

Of course the 200 degrees (slight exaggeration, but not really once you factor in humidity) would strike on my big clean-up weekend.

Friday: Between my doctor visits, Chad, me and Mom get things moved for Mom. Chad gets a new (for him) desk. And we discover the truck's battery light is on. Chad also confused since I told him Thursday night we'd be working on Friday and he swears I didn't, but he was more worried about the TV problem at the house he was house-sitting for.

Saturday: Chad has to go get plants for the Faire site. Convenient that popping up on the weekend I've had planned for a month. Mom and I got table and chairs moved from my back porch to her house. We got halfway through the front porch by the time we had filled the truck. Of course, my sister is thoroughly pissed that we're getting rid of "her" garage sale stuff before she deems it time to have another one, and vanishes without a trace.

Truck is full, Mom takes shower, I wash my car. Then I take shower and we decide to go get food and drop stuff in truck off. Truck gets us to Ponchatoula before we realize no headlights and no real acceleration. Get truck back home, go for food in my car. After we buy Church's fried chicken, Mom can't get into my car with the funny lock system. I get her in, get the chicken in, and get myself in, leaving my wallet on the roof of my car. It goes flying off right on the fourlane highway right before the Interstate on-ramp. Quick U-turn and we save my wallet. Miraculously, NOTHING had fallen out of it.

We get home and Mom counts chicken. We bought a 16 peice meal and suffered politely with the trainee on the cash register, and only had 12 peices when we got home. We ate, and Mom broke her plate trying to get seconds. We get a swimming invite and Kenn and Amy bring over "Finding Nemo" and "Return of the King" for the gang to watch at Jaime's house--the one Chad is housing sitting for.

After a swell chase for a gas station that will take my credit card because I'm nearly empty, I finally make it to Jaime's. "Return of the King," which is rated PG-13, won't play in their Playstation 2 setup for DVDs because of the parental controls. Luckily, "Finding Nemo" does work. Cute film, beautiful animation.

Sunday: Go get Chd and he can only work half a day, needing to plant the plants they had gotten yesterday. We finish cleaning off my back porch,get my living room rug out, and go shopping for Mom and Lowes'. Oh, it's also Father's Day and guess who has no money for a present. *Raises hand.* Mom gets the corner of the garage she's going to move her new job opportunity into cleaned out and mostly set up.

I got the nonfiction books organized and shelved according to the Dewey Decimal system. And before there are any more "I can't believe you are that anal" comments, I've been using a cruder system of my own design for years. It's not effective enough. Especially when the smallest number of books I had in any of the ten categories was seven.

Course I go and shove everything off my desk onto the cleaned-off kitchen table, but my desk looks so much better now. :) It won't stay like this; that's actually the next project I have to work on.

Mustard still has fleas. I'm going to have to give him a flea shampoo bath next week after I get paid and he ain't going to like that at all. Chad recommends a flea collar too, to keep them off his face. I doubt my cat's going to like that either.

House news, I finally got a price from my grandmother. Onto the next phase of the quest!

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The BookWorm

Friday, June 18, 2004

I know what I want for Yule/Christmas

News I recieved in my Inbox today:









Okay so I can't go to Montreal; not even going to fool myself on that one. But buy the DVD so Disney will go "hey this made money let's put out season two" HELL YEAH! I might buy EVERYBODY Gargoyles DVDs for Christmas.

I think Mom would probably hit me.

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The BookWorm

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Update and New Book

Finished the Alt. BM Site update in record time for me. Go check it out.

And damn, David A. Fryxell is covering all the problems I've seen Red exhibit in Chapter 12 of Write Faster, Write Better. Definately going to be using it in upcoming tutorials. I'll see about getting Red the chapter in the meantime, though.

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The BookWorm

Doctor Visit

Doctor visit is scheduled for Friday, moms! :p Now can you tell me how the hell to pay for it?

MLA has come up with a new toy. I went and played with the map, French Creole was a lot more spread out than I anticipated.

I have to wrap up at least the Alt. BM Site update tonight. That shouldn't be a problem. The other updates, I know I'm not ready for the Library. I think I'm ready with the next tutorial. And stuck all day at work and can't work on that stuff.

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The BookWorm

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

It's Only Wednesday?

Quote of the Day: You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. -- Indira Gandhi

I'm going to bed on time, but I doubt that I'm getting enough sleep. I'm so sleepy in the morning and I just stay sleepy all day.

But today is going to be a good day. I had just climbed into my car to leave for work when a hawk swooped down and landed in the backyard. I have no idea what kind of hawk, I'm not that much a bird watcher, but he was a big one at least the same size as Kitty's red-tailed hawks in the Faire's Birds of Prey show. Hawks that I've seen and became totems of good luck on the trip are usually much smaller. He stayed on the ground for a few minutes, and then perched in a tree. Grey and black so I know he's not a red-tailed hawk.

Still worried about my finger. I don't know why the side away from the blood clot under the nail is swollen and dark and hurts with pressure in the right spot.

Let me get busy. Too much to do.

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The BookWorm

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 2 Question 2

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 2

2). How much does your protagonist want this thing?

Zy wants to please Murdock very much. After all, he could have turned around and left her on Earth. She owes her career and her escape to him, and feels that is something she could never pay back.

Is this the most crucial need, or close to it, that this character has ever experienced?

She has never had someone filling this parental role so close to her before. And after the killer makes attacks on her, capturing him to protect Mylte and Xeryl becomes more important. Because the killings are accelerating, it's only a metter of time before he starts killing anyone regardless of their criminal background.

Does the reader, in fact, recognize that this character has a life before and beyond this story in order to be able to make this judgement?

I refer to her recent past life a bit. Previous cases, life on Earth. The future is trickier. I haven't visualizied as many plot points for a series.

Will the reader be able to identify with your character's feeling of crisis when it comes to this desire?

Well, the hunt for the killer is going to be stated plainly. Zy's need to please Murdock I'm going to leave as unstated character motivation.

Have you adequately presented and communicated that atmosphere of urgency?

I hope so, but I don't know yet.

If not, how, specifically (in scenes, action, dialogue), can you turn up the story heat on the intensity of his desire?

Coming up is Mylte's surprise intro. Have one trap planned that will end with the killer attacking Zy and getting away. A second trap that is also avoided. Another attack though not the killer attacking personally. Zy has to go back undercover in order to protect Xeryl. The climax attack. Along with the standand red herrings and dead ends in the hunt.

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The BookWorm

Tweaking the Blog

Took advantage of the new features available and turned on the Recent Posts feature. Hopefully it will make posts easier to find.

Which reminds me to get the Crossroads copied over to Pen to Paper. :p Guess I need a link to there now. SO much for being done with the tweaking.

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The BookWorm

Monday, June 14, 2004

What I did

Saturday was cast social and practice for peasant court. So we had to be at the party house' in New Orelans for 10:30 am. Which meant leaving home a little after 7:30am and do what errands we had to do. I ended up (while still getting Chad's stuff together at the site) bending back a fingernail so badly it started to bleed. It's better today, I finally got he bandaid off and clipped the nail back so it wouldn't get caught on anything. *Sigh* And it was looking so pretty. You can see the blood clot and bruise through the nail.

My leg is better today too. My cat decided to play scratch on Kindra and she'll let me out. I gave him the water bottle. He decided that he was cornered and retaliated. Next paycheck he's going to the vet and we're going to end these little testerone spurts.

Today looks like it's going to be catch up on all the mail day. Post offices were closed on Friday because of Reagan's funeral. I could use the break from the bouncing from website work to book catalouging work to house cleaning work all day Sunday. Unfortunately, I don't want to be doing this for my break. :p

On the writing front, I have some astronomical details worked out on Mylte's home world and system. Still have some details to go, but wouldn't you know I left the reference book at home? *Sigh* I'll probably just end up typing during today's writing hour, if I can get my info off the CD.

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The BookWorm

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Taking a break

My finger hurts. My leg hurts. Laundry is finished except for the putting away part. Books, I'm probably halfway though nonfiction now. Website update, ugh, not even close to halfway.

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The BookWorm

Too early

It is still WAY too early for me to be up, due to factors a little beyond my control yesterday. But too much housework to justify staying in bed. Too much housework to justify staying on the computer but I'm ignoring that for now.

T is the only one brave enough to start a dialogue on plans. *Sigh* I'm really that bad, huh? Need to go formulate answers now.

Okay answers made. And I have to go start laundry. And everything else. But I don't want to! Where's my fucking day of rest?

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The BookWorm

Friday, June 11, 2004

Mexican tonight, but I'm running from the band

Actually their band is the only reason I haven't gone back to that restaurant, but they should be playing outside tonight.

Today's been an odd day. No mail except express stuff because all Federal workers get off for Reagan's funeral. So I finally finished the graphic reorganizing work on my website, except for the tiny fact of double checking it and getting it right on my hard drive and then uploading and deleting graphic files no longer in use. No biggy at all. :p

Jazzie needs a hug. Emailing hugs is a speciality.

Now let's see if I can get anymore work done on the calendar for Zy's novel.

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The BookWorm

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Web work at work

Well I finally stumbled upon what I can do at work toward fixing pages for the updates. The only hiccup has been the failure of a CD save. I had to stop the work and save what I had done to CD because the IT department came through in the middle of the day to convert our computers to XP. According the the CD burning program, I was supposed to be able to read and write to the CD Windows Explorer. Well it failed, though after I had transfered the files I had changed back to the harddrive. Good thing I brought another CD to burn the changed material. Though I'm betting this one will probably work once I finalize the CD.

Back to work.

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The BookWorm

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 2 Question 1

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 2

For this Q&A session with your favorite author (yourself), I ask you to do something very difficult. I ask you to interrogate yourself about your protagonist. This is tantamount to requesting a critique of your grandchild. I know this because I am both an autho and a grandmother. If anyone so much as suggested to me that my granddaughter required an evaluation, my back would shoot up so high there'd be vertebra imprints on the ceiling. She's perfect. She's wonder. End of story.

It's almost that hard to be objective about a character you've created. You have no doubt whatsoever that your character is strong enough to carry the burden of your story plus a couple of others. Your protagonist is perfect, wonderful. End of story.

Okay, I hear you. I acknowledge your defense of your baby, but the time has come for brutal honesty. You must push beyond your indignation. Stop telling yourself, "What she's saying doesn't apply to my protagonist. Other writers' characters, maybe, but not mine." You must get past that stubborn stance immediately and completely. Otherwise, this interrogation technique and the entire process of self-editing cannot work for you or for your story.

You must think of your protagonist as if someone else created him. Ask yourself each of the following questions. Answer each fully and honestly, as if this were somebody else's kid, not your own.

Note: Each numbered question is made up of many questions that will be answered separately. I'm going to be questioning in regards to Zy, protagonist of the unnamed science fiction mystery I'm working on.

1). What does your protagonist want in this story?

Zy wants to catch the murderer and please Murdock. He has entrusted his murder investigation to her and she would rather die than disappoint him.

Is this desire significant enough to make a reader also want it for your character?

The murderer has a way of killing people without leaving any trace of the weapon used. And he is systematically killing of heads of criminal organizations and breeding more chaos in and between the organizations. And as the murders escalate, there is the fear that he could start killing innocents.

Is this desire significant enough to make a reader want it for your character through the length of an entire book, as long as the character wants it for herself?

Solving the crime and catching the bad guy are essential plot points for the mystery genre. On the personal level, everyone has had someone that they have wanted to impress and be proud of them, usually a parent figure of some sort. Murdock is that figure for Zy.

Or--does this desire, sooner or later, pale into "Who cares?" territory for the reader?

I don't think it pales. The murders and personal danger to Zy escalate during her investigation. She also ends up with two sidekicks that she is responsible for, giving the murderer two more targets.

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The BookWorm

Monday, June 07, 2004

Crossroads An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 24 - 28

Crossroads An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

24). What is the most significant thing you've ever discovered about yourself?

I have a gift for writing dialogue.

25). What do you like most about yourself?

I try to be kind to everyone.

26). What do you dislike most about yourself?

That I'm an indecisive neurotic fruitcake.

27). In what specific experience of your life did you feel most enraged? Terrified? Humiliated? Heartbroken? Ecstatic?

Since I'm trying to wrap these questions up today, I'm going with terrified. I live alone. Baton Rouge was in the grip of the first serial killer terror. I had a swell nightmare about women being decapitated that woke me up, and something was wrong with the room. I finally figured it out. I keep two night lights going, one in the kitchen and one in the bathroom. One of those nightlights was not shinning into my bedroom. I found my sword that I was keeping next to my bed, and charged out to find that the lightbulb had burnt out in the bathroom nightlight. That also qualifies as the most relived I have ever felt in my life.

28). Feel free to add any further questions or considerations pertinent to your life and experience.

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The BookWorm

Feeling Grumpy

It occurred to me after I hit sent, I may have sent an email that had a grumpier tone than intended. Red, most of the grumpy is from lack of sleep.

The rest is complicated. I have a fear of talking the story to death--meaning I don't want to write it any more. There is also wanting to surprise my readers. But I also want feedback when the story is still being shaped. But when I tried to start discussions, there was no useful feedback. People would beg off saying they needed the whole story or get caught up on something that I don't think is an issue or get off topic.

Needless to say, none of this leads to me soliciting or getting useful responses. And I get upset when something useful comes way too late to do any good. And I get upset with no feedback or silly feedback, and then nobody wants to give feedback because it just makes me upset.

I don't like getting upset, and I want to keep writing, and I don't want to do something that completely turns off my readers or is totally out of character and I can't see it. It's easier creating in a vacuum of perception. I could go back to that, but I feel it's going to lead to me getting upset and defensive about the finished product.

It's probably just indicitive of the thicker skin I need to develop. But I don't want to blow off the perception of my friends that I know are intelligent readers. Except--of course--when they're wrong. *wink*

So I'm think I need to start the dialogue here. These are the opinions I care about regardless.

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The BookWorm

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Ronald Reagan is dead

I'm a little stunned. He died on Saturday and was 93 years old, but he was still the first president I have a memory of. And now he's gone.

Now I get to try to finish cleaning house and get to the state of think of stuff that is writing and not Faire related.

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The BookWorm

Friday, June 04, 2004

Friday Finally

Quote of the Day: Years ago, fairy tales all began with "Once upon a time..."--now we know they alll begin with, "If I am elected." -- Carolyn Warner

Finished reading Aliens and Alien Society. Now I have Mylte's physical/biological characteristics somewhere in my notes, so all I have to do is create a planet/solar system that would have evolved such a creature as well as the society he is no longer part of due to some trespass on his part.

Project for Monday.

Today is Harry Potter night. Saturday is clean more of the house before meeting day. Sunday is finish the bloody house.

So till the mail and noon comes I'm going to work on transcribing notes for "Let Us Give Thanks." I have to come up with a couple more murder suspects as well as introduce the real murderer and segue into an attack on Vinnie.

I'm probably going to give up and read more. I have to start "Southern Ghost" now. Fictional, mystery by Carolyn G. Hart in her Death on Demand series. I'll probably finish going through the rest of the chapter one Crossroads questions too.

Hmm, told people no complaints but I guess nobody read yesterday's post. I know it's still rough action-wise but the dialogue finally clicked for Stoker. *Shrug* T was partly dead yesterday, and Jazzie has been MIA since she finished "Black Rider."

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The BookWorm

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 23

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

23). What act of heroism would you be least likely to perform?

Putting my life on the line. Soldiers, fire fighters, police officers; Lord and Lady how I respect them, but I can't do it. Don't even want to think about doing it.

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The BookWorm

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 22

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

22). What crime would you be most likely to commit if you were to commit a crime?

Stealing money. I always have a need for it, and you can pull it off without killing someone if you do it right. But luckily I'm too honest to actually do it.

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The BookWorm

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 21

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

21). What sort of person do you feel the most sympathy for? The least sympathy for?

I have no sympathy for blantant stupidity. If a person's actions brought about their tragedy, but those actions were based on stupid decisions I feel no sympathy for it. Or if they're blantantly evil, they get what they deserve.

The most sympathy for is harder: the Gollum. A character that has no choice between a rock and a hard place and neither decision brings a happy ending. Classic misunderstandings between characters. The outside monster that has a heart of gold.

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The BookWorm

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 20

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

20). What do you pray won't happen to you?

To die forgotten. I want my fame while I am still here to enjoy it. Though I found some pleasure in one of Ray Bradbury's short stories. The narrator invented a time machine, but instead of doing the usual time machine tricks, he goes to the writers who died practically forgotten and shows them the latest editions of their works. Wonderfully touching, what I would do if I had a time machine.

But I still want the fame now.

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The BookWorm

I'm SO Sick of Cleaning!

Quote of the Day: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time. And that's sufficient. -- Rose King

Saturday - a family reunion of all the descendets of my paternal great-grandmother on the Coates side. Both my sisters got out of it :p, but it was still nice. Enough food to feed the army in Iraq. I learned that the first Coates (in our family) was Martin Coates, born in 1819 in Yorkshire, England. Family lore says he immigrated by working across on a livestock ship when he was 13 or 14, making it somewhere around 1833 when he came to Louisiana. No records to ack any of that up though. What I find trully fascinating, is that Clovis and Chad working out where the heck is our Faire village supposed to be in England came up with somewhere in Yorkshire. And I had no input into that what so ever.

Came home, watched some movies, shoved stuff into the living room, but mostly worked on the spreadsheet. Chad finally called and I got online for a while.

Sunday - the down and dirty cleaning day. Took out 3 bags of trash and started scanning stuff onto the harddrive, tossing stuff into the give away box. And I tried sewing the striped breeches when I got sick of going through papers.

I ended up with three pairs. The first too small and will probably fit Krista. The second pair is big enough in the waist to fit Chad and me. The crotch measurment in the third pair is all wrong.

Monday - holiday from the job and I should have left the house day. But no I was stupid. I keep cleaning, even though I knew all I wanted was one day out of the damn house. I managed to get 3 file boxes and 2 crates down to one file box of loose material to rego through and the stacks of binders on my desk to scan and the stacks of things on the sewing table. It is an accomplishment but it doesn't feel like one. All it feels like I'm doing is shuffling the mess around. And scanning takes forever and I'm not even though with the first binder and I have a dozen left to do (mostly 2-inch thick binders). And the whole rest of the world went to the beach and went to the river AND DIDN'T CLEAN THEIR GODDAMNED FUCKING HOUSES.

See, still resentful. And I inadverdentily double blocked my main entrace as well as I ate a whole pan of brownines and two boxes of Little Debbie snack cakes and finished off 2 twelve packs of Diet Dr. Pepper.

Tuesday - woke up sick day. I called in, and got another day to tackle the mess of everything inside my house. And my cat has fleas so he ends up getting treated, the whole house gets treated, and I put the outdoor powder down on my bedroom floor since it says indoor and outdoor use. (They meant like attics and crawlspaces.) I figured it would vacuum right up. It doesn't vacuum right up. I had to mop and it still doesn't all come up. Have a crying fit while mopping. Not like I already have enough to do and I go and make a bigger fucking mess. Oh yeah, and the stuff is poisonous to humans especially absorbed through the skin.

I finally give up and go to Chad's with an apology supper. Mainly cause I feel bad venting all this stuff at him. Goddess knows why. Because he doesn't throw tantrums over everything? But if I didn't get out of there I was going to drink the insecticide I should have put down instead of the powder. And then I find out that the leader's meeting has been moved up a week, so I have to hurry home and email Di so she can finish the concept drawings so I can present them. *thud, thud, thud* They tell me to delegate and then shit like this happens when I do delegate!

So I go home and email and clean out my email.

Wednesday - back at the job. I still need to balance the checkbook. I got the bedroom vacuumed this morning. I still have to vacuum the rest of the house. I guess I can balance that while I scan tonight. Oh yeah, and then I get to do the spray and vacuum regime again in 3 weeks.

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The BookWorm