Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Things to Think About

Crossed posted with Discipline Under Fire.

Series planning questions

Market in the mystery genre

Giving up by Holly Lisle

Don't know why, but they really hit home. Well, I do sorta know why. In that nagging, tingling, back of the head, gut response that tells you this is IMPORTANT but you don't want to face it.

Could it be that I'm facing quitting as a viable option in my life for the first time? (Not writing, so nobody panic.)

Could it be because I had one of those tiny, duh epiphanies this morning? This job you tolerate isn't going away. I don't have to face my childhood-self not knowing when Dad would have a job or a paycheck. I haven't even worked on the finances in weeks, but I think I need to go back some exercises and work on that one.

Writing as a career most often is not a financially stable one. At the same time I say that doesn't matter to me, there's a little girl inside me that knows there's no money for anything because Daddy doesn't have a job. And that kid is desperate and doing everything in her power to maintain the glory of the paycheck.

I'm not being fair, but I just figured out where the sabotage is coming from. She just wants to be safe and have things. Me trying to get serious and earn minuscule and uncertain money off writing scares her to death. Safer to keep me busy and blocked and keep writing as a hobby.

So does this make sense? Writing has never been blocked--once I find time to just write. But finishing and submitting has been a major wigout fest. I kept blaming an unknown stessor and tried easing off the demands I make on myself to no success. Well, of course not, I haven't addressed the real issue. I don't know if this post has sufficiently addressed it and more is necessary. Maybe a routine of steady reassurance will get my writing groove back.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

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2 comments:

MerylF said...

Well, you've got to the decision stage anyway. Crossroads are good; it all depends on where you go from here.

cat said...

You know, I've been having those same thoughts myself for the last year while I've been temping, which is why I decided to take the big leap and change careers (hence my being back in g.d. school).

I'm coming to the conclusion it's okay for writing to be my second job. Honestly, I've worked two jobs off and on all my life to keep the bills paid and my & B's heads above water- it's nothing I'm scared of. I just need to find a primary job that begins and ends at the time clock- when I leave work, it all gets left at the workplace. Not as easy done as said, but making the decision brought a lightening of stress I really liked.

I'm good with that plan for the next ten years or so because I want to buy a house and stop renting, and renovate said house to my specifications which will be pricey. (Specifically, I'm buying my retirement house, because about the time I stop working the mortgage will be paid off.)

- Cat :)