Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Nervous breakdown

Chad and I had a long talk yesterday. The problem is even if I quit RenFaire, I won't be able to quit. Kenn is going to go down and his knees and beg. That is even more depressing. He agrees with you people that I'm overwhelmed, waiting for the next family crisis to rear its ugly head, and need to drop something.

Buying the house is top priority. Hence why I'm having a leisurely breakfast at home; I've got to go to the surveyor's office this morning. While a source of constrant stress 'cause I'm impatient and nothing is happening!, it is moving fairly quickly. Should close at the end of the month or by December. I'm not trying to count it any more.

Writing is also moving, though I seem to be doing more editing than rough drafting. I think I'm going to have to split my writing hours into editing this week, rough draft next, to accomadate both. That is very doable.

Chad is next, and he did agree to sleep over at my house every night of this three day weekend. He also agreed Monday is vacation day--even though I don't think one day of vacation is enough. Maybe I'll get my legs tanned.

What number are we at? 4th, writing tutorials newsletter. Actually, this has been no source of stress. I've changed the due date, I'm using them to multi-task with other projects, or is it dual purpose? Either way, I'm getting the Hyrueliana edited and writing the next 40 Editing Lessons. I just need to find some time to scan the book exercises and translate them, and then those are ready for the Creative Board, P2P, and the tutorials.

5th Alt Bm Site. I save the updates till the last minute. I keep swearing to stop doing that, but then I'm rarely home to work on them a little each day. I need to go ahead and invest in a laptop so I can work at work without any fuss. IT is so picky about the programs. I do have some behind the scenes things to catch up on, like updating the contributors' group, but that's a sit down and make myself do it.

6th The BookWorm's Library. Actually till the Hyrueliana is finished, I don't have any new material other than tutorials to go up. I'm practically on sabatical now with it, albeit unofficially.

7th RenFaire. Stop shouting dump it already. I already went into why that is not as easy as it seems. I just want the fun back. And I don't think Chad's offer of a pirate ship on the water is going to bring the fun back.

8th the paying job. What I'd really love to dump and can't. You guys told me to prioritize, and it's the fucking last thing I'm worried about. In fact I don't worry, I just go into automan mode. Which makes the Callgon lady screaming in the back of my head scream "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WASTING YOUR TIME HERE!" I like it better when she's just screaming. Looking for a new job is nearly impossible, nothing has come available that I want or am qualified to do. Going back to school for a MFA is impossible too, because I can't make it on any less than I'm making now. I don't have a second income yet to fall back on, and no I'm not considering Chad's. We're still separate entities.

There you have it. Fun outline that doesn't solve a damn thing. I'm still going to go around screaming at people. The only things I have to look forward to is swimming on Monday, dinner at Topela whenever Southeastern lets go of Chad's money (I'm leaning toward Saints winning the Superbowl, at least it won't be crowded on that day), and a padded cell.

Time to go talk to the surveyors.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

No comments: