Chad says it's just stress. I know I have plenty of that. Speeding ticket that I don't know how I'm going to pay for, surveying that I don't know how much is going to cost or how I'm going to pay for it, shopping for homeowners insurance, bills piling up cause I'm trying to hang onto to the cash I have to pay the surveyors, always owing crits, I can't even critique well anymore, trying to keep the house clean, trying to be superwoman on joust field construction, getting sick in 100 degree heat...
I can't cope with it any more. I'm crazy. The only way I can respond to anyone is to have a screaming fit that doesn't make anybody feel better, least of all me. I hate myself like this and I don't know how to stop. This blog was supposed to help, and I don't see where it has.
I don't want to be that needy bitch that drove everyone away in college. Mom can say what she wants, truth be told, they probably were lousy friends. But my behavior was worse. And It's spiraling out of control again.
The only time I don't second guess myself is when I'm lashing out in blind rage over inane shit. And it feels like every little thing is just waiting to set me off. I want to just scream at my coworkers--and they haven't done anything today! My shoulders are all tied up in knots.
I'm sick of everybody telling me that I'm not crazy when something is so very obviously wrong with me. So the only choice I have is professional help. I hope I can find somebody who is open on the weekends.
I can't even give a harsh, indepth crit anymore. Hell, I'd settle for indepth. My brain won't process it. I just keep coming up with "I like it, I like it." Pretty soon I won't be able to write either.
Read Free!
The BookWorm
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