Overcoming Fears Part 3

Principle 4 - There is homeostasis (value-neutral, automatic response to change, trying to keep the system the same). Self-sabotage implies that some part of you has an active desire to undermine your progress.

Do I have that active part? Or is it all homeostasis and I want to beat myself up. Well, I don't want to beat myself up; I hate it and wonder if it's a sign of my going insane.

If I have success as a writer, everything will change. It will be real.

Did I just write that?! Have I internalizied the judgement of my family (it's a silly little hobby until it brings in money) without even realizing it? How can you do that without realizing it?

Fortunately, the better you understand homeostasis, the less power it will have over you. Here are some key points to keep in mind.

a. Homeostatic fear shows up regardless of whether the change is good or bad, wise or foolhardy. The intensity of fear and resistance is related to the size and pace of the change, not to the quality (good, bad, wise, unwise) of the change.

b. You may encounter homeostatic fear among family, friends, colleagues and clients as well as in yourself. This does not have to mean that these people have a secret desire to sabotage you. Their concerns may simply be the expression of natural resistance to any change. -- Molly Gordon

There are steps to take:

Given the importance of homeostasis, you cannot root out or prevent it and its attendant fears, you can negotiate with them.

• Break the change in question into smaller steps. This reduces the intensity of the resistance. (Remember, homeostasis increases with the size of the change, not the nature or value of the change.)

• Pace yourself. Making the change over time instead of all at once reduces the intensity of the homeostatic reaction.

• Analyze the actual risk. Remember what you learned about Fear 1 and Fear 2 in "Principle 3: Discern Two Types of Fear"? Fear 1 magnifies danger as it minimizes your competence. Seek reliable information about the scope of the risk you are taking and the best means to meet it. The better your information about the actual risk involved, the less huge it will seem.

• Set milestones and celebrate when you reach them. This gives you a conscious history of successful change and makes it easier to move into scary territory in the future.

• Design an environment that supports learning and growth and avoid people, places and things that undermine learning. While a certain amount of resistance is inevitable (that's the whole point,) why waste any more of your energy and attention than is absolutely necessary on overcoming the tendency to stay stuck?

• Make a list of aspects of your environment and brainstorm the choices you can make in each to support stepping out of your comfort zone. For example, you might choose to ask your friends to support you in using empowering language or you might choose a gym based on its emphasis on safe training techniques. -- Molly Gordon

I can't seem to download her PDF file for the journal, so I'm probably going to have to work on that on my own. 21 days to create a habit of more positive thinking and no more procrastination. Everything moving ahead at its own right pace.

Which means I need to work on homework now so I can work on writing. Face everything head on. And now it's all labeled so I can find this again when I need a refresher.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

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