I finished it at 12:48am, Monday, October 9th.
And I feel it is incomplete. I didn't get to make my version of the cover, which wasn't required for the grade but I wanted to do anyway. What it has become is the latest example in something I feel is very wrong with me, this waiting till the last second to get everything done. I didn't used to be this way, and I don't know why or how I've gotten this way.
The platitude of "just change it" seems to hit a wall inside my head consisting of "I don't know what it is HOW can I change it!" Which I'm pretty sure is a load of crap, but a very convincing wailing when your trapped in the project without an end in sight and it's WAY past the bedtime to really even consider thinking clearly on anything. Though I am fairly certain it's a form of self-sabotage.
Stopping Self- Sabotage
Recognition of self-sabotage - We all do it. At some point in time, we've all sabotaged ourselves out of fear. The key to dealing with self-sabotage is to recognize it. Signals to recognizing self-sabotage: You notice yourself comparing yourself to others, you judge yourself as not being good enough, or you hear your "inner critic" saying things like "soon everyone will realize what a fraud you are." -- The Entrepreneur's Toolbox by Claudette Rowley
Get Motivated! at NerdWorld
This looks like a helpful plan. How to Overcome Fears and Anxiety.
So it all stems from fear and insecurity. So now my brain is stuck on "when did you get insecure? You were never insecure when you were younger." Great now my younger, stupider self is now more enlightened. Too dumb to be insecure; how's that for a bumper sticker? :p
So I got some time to kill, I'm going to work on the overcoming fears and anxiety website. We probably won't get much mail today since it's Columbus Day, but I'm too brain dead to try to read for the next class. And I'm being bad with a second can of Diet Dr. Pepper. I had cut back to just one.
There is a new renaissance festival in Louisiana! Check out the Acadiana Medieval Faire at: http://www.acadianafaire.org/