Pirate Case for Peasant Court

To explain: Peasant Court is a group of staged skits of the peasants of the RenFaire village bringing suits against each other or getting arrested for drunkness, etc. Last year, our Faire got a new ride a ferry across the lake. Two of my pirates came up with a skit of the pirates taking over the ferry. We never got to do it right. This year I want to schedule it in as part of the show. Big noisy take over of the ferry, big noisy arrest by the sheriff, followed by our trial at Peasant Court.

Pirate Case for Peasant Court

Cast of Characters

Clerk
Bailiff
Judge
Pirate Captain
Assorted Pirates
Audience

Props

Irons or ropes restraining the pirates’ wrists

CLERK
This is a case of thievery and mayhem, an act of PIRACY! The people versus the pirates!

(Bailiff leads in the manacled PIRATE CAPTAIN and PIRATES.)

PIRATE 1
We be privateers! We got a letter of something. From the king!

PIRATE CAPTAIN
Letter of marque. I had it here somewhere.
(Pats down pouches looking for it.)

JUDGE
Act of piracy, that be a hanging offense!

PIRATES
Hanging!

PIRATE CAPTAIN
Ye cannot hang us. Ye have no yard arm.

BAILIFF
(Sadistically)
We can build one.

PIRATES
(Whimpering)
Captain.

PIRATE CAPTAIN
Steady mateys. They cannot hang us for something which we did not do. Case dismissed.

JUDGE
That be my line! And we do not know what you have done. Clerk, what have they done?

CLERK
In sight of the whole village, these pirate….

PIRATE CAPTAIN
Privateers.

CLERK
(Ignores the interruption.)
Did take the ferry by force thereby committing an act of piracy!

PIRATE CAPTAIN
What? That! Case dismissed.

JUDGE
Stop that! We have witnesses?

AUDIENCE
Aye. I saw it. They put a gun to the ferryman’s head. They all had swords out.

PIRATE CAPTAIN
I object. That was not an act of piracy.

JUDGE
Explain yourself, sea wench.

PIRATE CAPTAIN
(Threatens)
Ye address me as the Captain or ye will walk the plank.
(Gets out of the cuffs.)
Now everybody knows what pirates do.

PIRATE 1
(Gets out of his cuffs.)
Pillage!

PIRATE 2
(Gets out of his cuffs.)
Murder!

PIRATE 3
(Gets out of his cuffs.)
Burn!

PIRATE 4
(Gets out of his cuffs.)
Rape!

PIRATE CAPTAIN
(Turns to the last pirate, furious.)
Avast! The articles you signed before coming on board forbade….

PIRATE 1
(Other PIRATES slap hands over PIRATE 4’s mouth.)
It’s allright, Captain. We paid the last wench he was with double her rates. He has not even met a prudent woman.

PIRATE CAPTAIN
As I was explaining, if we had pillaged the ferry, we would have loot.
(PIRATES pat each other down for loot and come up empty.)
And we nay murdered the ferryman because he is at this very moment making his voyage cross the lake. And ye can go down to the lake and see we nay burned the ferry, which we are wont to do after pillaging and murdering.

JUDGE
Aye, aye, there were no pillaging, no murdering, no burning. Then what be you doing?

PIRATE CAPTAIN
We were practicing, your Honor.
(Salutes with hat.)
Case dismissed!
(Pirates jump from stage and run through the audience.)

JUDGE
That be my line! I be the judge and I say when case dismissed!

CLERK
(After waiting.)
Well?

JUDGE
Case dismissed!


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