So I'm a High Scoring Hack

This morning I got an email asking to spinoff from one of my fanfics series. I'm flattered, but no is the answer I hopefully conveyed nicely--it's hard to be coherent at 5:30am. It's also strange to be using contractions again; read Capt. Kate's short story to see wherefore... I mean why. (Yes, I will get it posted to Discipline Under Fire soon.)

So then I had enough time this morning to take the Hack Quiz. I got a 12, so I still have some artistic integerity left. I've studied enough literature to come to an empowering conclusion for us writers who want the money and the fans--the hacks are remembered. Just look at some of the scathing comments made about Shakespeare. Genius comes disguised in many forms. And genius has to eat too.

I'm not putting myself on Shakespeare's level, but I'm at peace with being called a "hack." Now deadlines, time management, and my inability to get my act together to submit: more worry consuming.

February 8th will be my fitness assessment appointment. I need to redo my measurements myself and update my file. Yes, I'm keeping a file on my measurements; I'm serious about this weight loss. I don't feel that I'm making any progress. I know, I know it's going to take time; I've only been on the diet for a week; my workout schedule got sporadic for a while. Get up, start over again, and spend 15 minutes in the sauna now that I know where the clock is to watch. I'm tired and really want a good, professional massage, but Saturday is booked already with Acadiana Faire's Cast Call.

Damn, I hate feeling like I'm going to drift asleep at any moment. And I've been feeling that way for too long. It's another reason to handwrite the blog entries. Keeps my brain wake and eyes open. A classmate expressed concern about my appearance last night.

Lunch break: Got yelled at about the notebook. Don't dare pull out the laptop either. Which leaves me trying to be good and not cause a ruckus--even though I'm not handling anything at all well due to little sleep. What was my goal not to complain about the paying job here?

The irony of just noting that the notebook was keeping me awake and then getting yelled at for writing was not lost.

Supper: My supervisor had two valid points to call me on the carpet for:

1. I spend too long on breakfast


2. The notebook and note taking is perceived as distracting. (I didn't even bring up how it was keeping me awake. Tired not stupid.)

What upset me to the point I almost spent the rest of the morning in tears was how she said it.

1. I don't care about my job


2. I'm cheating the state out of money


3. I'm not pulling my weight


4. She can stop me from going to school and I shouldn't be going to school because I work


5. I'm supposed to eat breakfast before work, screw the doctor's schedule, what time I leave my house, and what time places that serve breakfast actually open.

It hurt because I've been killing myself to get to work early and take care of the leftover work. I don't dig for the batches with the highest counts, I do what's on top. And we're all doing a lot more work with the stupid scanning system and we all deserve more pay. But right now we're only getting K time that I'm spending as fast as I earn it. And there's no cash value until retirement (a little less than 30 years away for me), so don't accuse me of stealing anything. I give a damn about my job otherwise I wouldn't be in an hour early and hello, compare my errors to other workers.

I don't have enough sick time for a stress leave that will actually do me some good. Though at the rate I'm going I may get one.

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The BookWorm