I passed out Saturday giving blood for lab work, and I really haven't felt right since. I really want to tell Murphy to stop fucking with my health/body. I hate needles and syringes. I come from a family of diabetics and have to keep my blood monitored. The strong veins in my elbows have decided to play hide 'n seek with the nurses, so now the blood has to be drawn out of my hand which hurts worse and bruises so I can't even wear a watch. And to top it all off now I have a history of passing out so I have to do all this laying down now.
Not happy with that scenario at all, no.
Faulkner idea: His ideas of past not even past and how that correlates with incest as a theme and a cycle to repeat.
I have so got to come to grips with this. 15 to 20 pages final product, so let's build a 10 page paper out of just my ideas on this topic before scrambling for the outside sources.
Course everything would be better if I hadn't decided to take a holiday this weekend. Yes, all the fun stuff I haven't missed about school is coming forth: making me feel guilty and resentful when I'm not subscribing to the Puritan work ethic. Even right now, I'm feeling guilty because I'm not working on something else!
Wise Self: *Pulls hair* Just quit that already! I'm so tired of being my personal bad guy. What is the worse that can happen?
I don't graduate and get proved as a big fat failure.
Wise Self: How likely is that to happen?
Very if I don't finish the projects. Very even if I do finish the projects.
Wise Self: Now why is that?
Eer... because I'm a stupid fat failure. Right, lousy excuse. I'd rather work on fiction. hell, I'd rather wash dishes than deal with Faulkner.
Wise Self: You know, every time you get into a state of dreading something, it never turns out as bad as you thought it would be.
I know, I know. i don't know why I'm fighting this so hard.
Wise Self: Because when you fear failure, you deliberately self-sabotage your way to failure.
Stop sounding so smug about it.
Wise Self: Sorry, but you know what you have to do.
Stop avoiding Faulkner. have it be the first thing I do in the morning and last thing I do at night.
Wise Self: Yes, that's probably for the best. It'll turn out well. And since you came to your senses so quickly, finish the soundtrack art tonight. You have three left to do, you can finish them in an hour since you don't need to hunt for parts of images any more. Finish early and you can probably find a thesis statement before bedtime.
That took a peculiar turn, but a productive one. I'll have to remember that technique.