Kitchen disaster area update

Been up since 7am. I love the fact that Mom calls it early when it feels so very late to me. The side affect of having to wake up at 4am Monday through Friday.

Got started with laundry and the kitchen reorganization around 8am. Finished the glasses cabinet and moved all the small appliances out. Moved my tupperware collection to the upper cabinets. Then got started cleaning out the cabinet under the sink. The plastic sliding baskets I bought are to store the cleaning supplies under there. I was vaguely think I might want to buy or build more trays to slide the small appliances out of the cabinets on. Decided to use what I had already bought before going on another spree. Found water in the cleaning supplies under the sink.

The left strainer was leaking as water goes down the drain. Mom suggested teflon tape. I went to the bank and Lowe's. The teflon tape wouldn't stick to anything. Great, I'll go ahead and replace the faucet too once I figure out how to fix the leak. No problemo, back out to Lowe's. Bought a book on home repair that covered sinks and faucets. Got advice in the plumbing aisle on how to fix the leak. Got faucet on sale for $88. Got home about 12:30-ish.

Old Faucet

Cannot get the strainer to come off the sink. Call Krista for help. We spend the entire afternoon on that sink. Once the leak is finally fixed it was hours on replacing the faucet. The faucet was still leaking when we gave up around 5pm for supper. Took her to a restaurant in Ponchatoula I've been trying to try for two semesters now, Speakeasy. Now I want to go back in full Roaring 20's garb.

Finally got sink fixed by 6:15pm. Had the heater aimed into the cabinet trying to dry the floor out faster, but as of now it's still damp. The kitchen is still upside down, and my dirty dishes are getting washed in the bathtub.

But the new faucet looks fabulous.



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The BookWorm

I Swear It's Not a Procrastination Tactic

I went out, ate, grabbed books, and went to Lowe's for kitchen organization supplies and wood for the plate rack project, and bugged two very nice employees over said wood. Got home at 8:40pm. *Bangs head on monitor.*

Book buying was a little annoying. Granted, there's a reason why we call the chain bookstore Books-a-Thousand in Hammond. But still. There's four books by Carolyn Hart that I need to complete the Death on Demand series beside the new book in April. How many did the store have? Zero. Needed two to complete the Mary Russell series by Laurie R. King. Only had one. Okay, so I went through my list of authors from the Southwest chapter of WMA. Out of fourteen writers from the state of Louisiana, they only had one and only had her latest book. I ended up grabbing some Anne Perry titles I didn't have and Wilkie Collins "Lady in White" to round out my spree.

Looking at J.A. Konrath's blog entry for today, and I probably pulled a self-esteem/attitude bad yesterday. I emailed the Southwest chapter of MWA to see if I could attend their conference. I should've just started my application to MWA. Which I will tonight--can't promise right now at the paying job.

Tonight is back to the gym. And now that I know how my locker works, it shouldn't take thirty minutes to dress out. I hope the PT gets in contact with me soon; I'm tired of waiting. ANd I'm none too sure if the young lady behind the desk who took my papers knew what was going on.

Oh, my new homework blog has started at the Reading Diary.

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The BookWorm

Stubborn Gene Activated

No I didn't get to the kitch yesterday. I got home for supper and bedtime. Still, I must do something with it tonight.

The crux of the delimnia is dirty dishes. I loathe washing dishes, hence why I've been promising myself a dishwasher for so long (let see, living in the apartment in Natchitoches eight years ago). Chad can't hand wash with his allergies. My answer is to buy a dishwasher. Chad's answer is to use paper plates.

And that's where my stubbornness seem to step in. The mention of paper plates for daily use--not a party or a picnic--makes me grit my teeth and growl. No, I won't do it, it's cheating. I'm evil, lazy, white trash if I use paper plates. I'm above that. I'm not a cheap college student who doesn't have a sink to wash dishes in. Nothing logical about this hatred.

Is it perhaps because everyone I know who depends on paper plates have houses where housekeeping is optional? I desperately don't want to live like that--even if I can't master picking up after myself.

But logically I have to admit that using paper plates until I save enough for a dishwasher would be less of a headache and incentive to save. Okay I decided. By setting aside $50 a pay period, I can pay for the dishwasher is eight pay periods roughly four months. I can deal with paper plates for that long.

After vacation/conference and dishwasher, the no-spend-out-of fund needs to be geared towards a Roth IRA.

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The BookWorm

To Get the Juices Flowing

I try not to complain about the paying job too much here. Grateful to have it, don't know when the government is going to get nasty over blogs like the private sector, that sorta thing. But the new check scanners slow everything down. It takes aout thirty minutes (or at least feels that long) to complete a batch of twenty checks, including all the copying of paperwork. On the old system, it took ten minutes to process forty checks. So now I'm here at the paying job a half-hour early to try to finish everything that didn't get finished yesterday. Ugh.

Must remember to buy kleenex and more legal pads for work. I'm writing my blogs on the legal pads and running out of paper quickly. Must also remember to update 2005 LRF Resource Guide invoice and send to Chad. Make invoice for 2006 Acadiana Resource Guide. Need to find history of Burgandy and France material.

Creative writing class has fifteen people and I'm in the first group to submit work for workshops in a month. I've decided to finish Capt. Kate's short story for class. I can submit novel exerpts, but I'm not ready for editing on Zy's novel yet. And if I need to turn in a second, different piece--not just a revision--Blue Man is written but not finished. Plus I'm kind of curious to see what reaction my Elizabethan sea dog ghost story gets. And maybe I can find a market for it.

I finally got everything I should need on the laptop. Chad upgraded for business reasons and I got his old one as partial payment for the 2005 invoice. But it doesn't look like I'm going to have a chance to use it today.

I'm probably going to start another blog in conjunction with the creative writing class. We have to keep a reading diary on the fiction or poetry we're reading. I seem to do best with an audience. Most of what I already had set aside to read is nonfiction though. Minor bummer, I'll have to go book shopping. I need to get the last two in the Russell/Holmes series by Laurie R. King and I want to read some of the mysteries of people in the Southwest Chapter of MWA. Especially since I've never heard of them. *Sigh.* My knowledge of who my working peers are is sorely lacking.

The confrence is a go money-wise. I don't think I'll be able to afford a dishwasher for yet another year. I don't know about a new laser printer. I'm hoping, and the one I want has a rebate going on. It's going to depend on how much is left after I get my finances in order and pay ahead on the house note and bills. If I can't get the dishwasher, I still need to organize the kitchen cabinets better and make a dish rack for the wall. Workshop shelves for the back porch would be nice, but might have to wait too.

The projects are starting to pile up and my kitchen and office are still disaster areas. I think they're having a negative impact on the chi in my house and my chi by extension. When I get home after exercising tonight, I must get started on the kitchen.

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The BookWorm

First day of class

Been busy, as you can see by three updates in a row. A lot of times it's easier to write out a blog entry by hand, and then scramble for time to write it later.

I spent all day Monday on the back bedroom. I saved the demolishing for the weekend Chad will be with me to help. The closet system I bought was designed to fit a 8-feet to 10-feet width closet of normal wall heights. The back wall isn't a standard wall height. I ended up with two places to hang clothes instead of three, because the third rod is three inches from the floor. Due to confusing instructions, I had to leave off the drawers. And the shoe rack had to come off so I could fit big Rubbermaid boxes. I labeled all of those said boxes, but the whole system feels like I just created shelves to restack the boxes that were stacked on that wall already.

Once we tear out the closet, there will be space to add the drawers. We're also going to have to put up more shelving on that north wall because there just isn't enough room for everything that's back there and the twin bed that will have to be set up in there. Still have to clean the kitchen and office. *Whimper*

I found a conference to go to. *Big beeming smile* Well I had run across a mention of SluethFest and looked that one up. It's put on by the Florida chapter of Mystery Writers of America, 4 days in Fort Lauderdale with Katherine Ramsland as one of the guest speakers and big emphasis on writing. The catch is it's set for the beginning of March and is way, way, way out of our price range. March will have us really gearing up for Acadiana Faire. It doesn't work. *Big huge sigh*

But Chad had asked about a Louisiana chapter. I shrugged it off. If it existed it was probably in New Orleans and got blowed away. But I remembered to go googling the next time I spoted the SluethFest website that I had left open on my computer. And I found that Louisiana is part of the Southwest chapter of Mystery Writers of America along with Texas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas. And they have a conference in June! Hardboiled Heroes and Cozy Cats. Okay so it's not Malice Domestic or Bouchercon. 80 people hardly make a convention. But it's a drivable distance, it's at a good time, it's only 2 days, so we can afford to go. And it's incentive to finish Zy's novel and give the bloody thing a title, so I have a manuscript to work on getting better (or at least to show that I'm serious about this writing craft).

2008 Bouchercon might be doable though. But I need to finish this blog entry so I can get to work work.

I got my papers signed by the doctor, so I can have a personal trainer. Good thing, since I already paid for one and the yearly locker fee. I just can't haul the towels around. Thay take up too much room in the gym bag. I haven't got the music to work yet, and am waiting for an email back from Napster as to why it's not working.

I messed up keeping my food diary over the weekend, so I had to start it back today. My appointment with the nutritionist is Jan. 26th. Must remember to put a leave slip in.

My sleep schedule is really screwed up now. I didn't have a schedule the whole three day weekend.

Mom finally agreed to stop using the dump and it needs landscaping. Yippeee!

Both of my classes are listed in the same room. I hope they don't change them so it'll be easier to remember where to go. Creative Writing is up tonight. And that's all for now boys and girls!

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The BookWorm

A weekend and a half

I wonder if I'll actualy have time to type this entry later? (Typed on the 17th.)

Saturday the 14th: The plans were simple. Straighten the house and write. Straightening house at this point means practically a spring cleaning. Of course, the plans were interrupted by having to help Dad with his surveying project. Still I managed to get a couple of pages and my bedroom done.

I was in the middle of watching Naussicaa of the Valley of the Wind when Mom comes yelling the woods are on fire. So we got to spend a couple of hours firefighting. A little history, my family has occupied this land for five generations now and they picked a spot descending into the creek gully as the dump. My pleas to stop dumping and burning there because I want to landscape said gully have fallen on deaf ears. Maybe now I can make some progress on that score.

Unrelated to that, my sister Kai decided to move back to Texas. I hope everything works out for her there.

Sunday the 16th: got the living room and bathroom clean, then promptly filled my bedroom and living room with stuff from the back bedroom so I could put a closet organizer on the back wall. I didn't finish that part of the project and will have to start again tomorrow.

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The BookWorm

Sleep?

I haven't been sleeping good lately. It's harder and harder for me to get up on time. I don't understand it, except perhaps the recent holidays got my sleep schedule off kilter.

Exercising went well. More people showed up at the Center, and I saw how some machines worked without me looking like an idiot. I remembered me to warm up, stretch, and cool down. I only had trouble with the overhead press, and then found out after struggling through 10 reps. I was supposed to use 30 pounds not 50. I found two abs working machines, so I don't have to struggle with situps on the floor in front of everyone.

I started a food diary this morning trying to keep track of what and approximately how much I eat to better inform the dietian.

I've cut back on my caffeine consumption. That was the first thing I suspected when I realized I was having trouble sleeping. It doesn't seem to be helping. I'm probably going to have to spend the whole weekend getting up at 4:00 a.m. to get back on schedule.

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The BookWorm

Exercising Journal Report

Do I have blogging on my brain constantly or what? I take a notebook to workouts with me to record numbers of what I do, what I may need to buy, random anything that comes to me; and I end up recording the above in paragraphs to my readers. :p

What I spent the weekend doing was acquinting myself with the Pennington Activity Center. Which meant using the track, weight room to find my max levels, and locker room. Haven't tried the suana yet.

They do have personal trainers, but I have to get released by my doctor. And since I've been having cell phone issues, I haven't been able to call and find out how I can get a signature. Hopefully I can make the calls tomorrow.

Since Mondays and Tuesdays will be my official off days, I buried myself in the Alt. BM Site update to keep the "pity me" demons at bay--the real reason that it's getting done. It worked up till I went to bed. Course it doesn't help the self esteem at all that Chad either forgets to call me all night and remembers after I've gone to bed and the brain has shut off or just wants to call for five seconds to know that I'm alive. Gee, I'm so glad I'm worth that much effort. I guess I'm supposed to be the understanding girlfriend and sympathetic that he hates talking on the phone. I'm not feeling understanding or sympathetic. I'm scared, I'm depressed, I feel fat and ugly and worthless, in short I'm feeling needy. I know, I know, I need to discuss this with him instead of in the blog. *Sigh* It may take email though.

7:00 p.m. Update: Me and Chad talked, and he understands where I'm coming from and how it makes me feel. :D

Back to exercising, I need to develop a safe routine that makes me sweat, works the target areas, and won't be upsetting to toss aside when I get a routine from the personal trainer.

Wednesdays: Chest, Back, Arms

• Chest Press max = 70 workout = 60


• Incline Press max = 70 workout = 60


• Arm Extensions max = 30 workout = 25


• Pull Down max = 70 workout = 60


• Overhead Press max = 50 workout = 45


• Bicep curls max = workout =

Thursdays: Abs

• Sit ups = 20

Fridays: Legs

• Hip Induction max = 90 workout =85


• Hip Abduction max = 70 workout = 60


• Glute max = 75 workout = 70


• Seated Leg Press max = 120 workout = 115

Of course, aerobic exercise mixed with this. Saturdays and Sundays, just track walking and running.

For fat loss: 10 - 12 reps, 1 - 3 sets. Increase the weight each week.

Need to remember to warm up, stretch, cool down, and pack some music.

What was really depressing, ten years ago I took a weightlifting class. That was light for me back then. Course I was also 120 pounds and thought I was fat because I had a belly pouch.

Gads, I was stupid teenager.

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The BookWorm

It's Official

202 pounds at the doctor's office (some of that has to be PMS bloat).
190 pounds at home with no clothes on.
61.5 inches tall with a medium frame.
142 blood sugar reading in December.
129 blood sugar reading in October.
172/17 blood pressure (at least that's some good news.)
35 is current BMI. http://www.healthchecksystems.com/bmi.asp

What I should be between:
115 - 129 pounds http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm.
19 - 23 BMI.

I'm diabetic, type 2. It's still in early stages; I should be able to fight it with diet and exercise changes. The two things I have the hardest time with.

Classes start January 17th. The Student Center is oppen right now, so I really be able to start an exercise routine and hopefully make it habit by the time classes start.

I'm still stunned. We all knew that was what is wrong with me, but it's numbing to have it confirmed. I'm not even sure if I know how much weight I should lose in three months before I have to get blood work redone. I know it won't be all of it. I know I want to adhere better to the Fit for Life diet; my energy level was better on it and filling up more on fruits and veggies. I don't think I craved refined sugar as much either.

What is this going to do for my writing and website work? One of the time management tips was to have multiple projects going, so if your brain gets tired of one you can work on something else. I was considering adding website updates. Now I don't know what to do. My body has betrayed me.

Damn, that sounds so melodramatic.

Some stress has allivated. The refinance check finally came through, so I'm squared away financially and can move forward on my land plans. I've cleaned off my desk of all the destracting mess that I can't do anything about until Monday. :p So I'm going to put the groceries away, start laundry, take some asprim, and start writing. Squeeze in two good hours I hope before going to workout.

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The BookWorm

Bum deal

I'm tired, I'm cranky (PMS), I'm stressed out over money, I'm probably getting bad news from my doctor in about an hour, I'm having trouble focusing and keeping my butt in the chair.

Ugh, I should be beyond this now. I've been writing since I was 11. Slipping into an imaginary world should be second nature. Instead I find my brain freezing without my notes. Yes, I know that half of what I'm doing to Zy's novel is editing and expanded on a half-finished first draft, and of course I need notes for that. But that doesn't explain the free-fall and the over-whealming desire to jump out of the chair and do anything else, everything else.

The Time Management for Writers book wasn't a big help. Well, other than pointing out how desperately I need to manage my time better. The tips were geared for article writers. Or is it just resistance to look for anything worthwhile in the ideas?

I have the weekend to myself--Chad is in Lafayette on business. This is an opportunity to figure things out. And to clean house.

Time to go to the doctor.

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The BookWorm

Progress!

I finished Chapter Seven, but it doesn't look like I'll get to type it tonight before I crash into my bed.

Cleaned out one office box yesterday. Now only four to go with that project, not counting the boxes of scanning.

Should be done with the refinancing tomorrow. I hope.

Working on web updates right now. They aren't ready, because I'm yawning like mad now and I havn't found the look I like yet. Drat.

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The BookWorm

As the Year Winds to an End

Holidays over... check.
Sickness healed... check.
Renewal madness started... check.
Ready to get back to a normal schedule that really won't happen till after New Year's... triple check!

All in all, I suppose the last few weeks have been a learning experience.

• One can't write and drive at the same time in long car trips. Actually, the composing portion of your brain doesn't pack and stays at home.


• Whatever romantic plans you're hoping for will be ruined by the weather and your boyfriend's head cold.


• The sister who always made everyone late waiting for her to get ready still hasn't changed.


• Heather Sellers is right; you can't work when you're sick. This includes creative work, housework, backlogged housework, or driving anywhere. However no one will believe you are too sick to do whatever they need you to do for them, even if they are in the same house with you and see how many times you're running to the bathroom.


• Your boyfriend will surprise you with an insight about your work habits and be right, reminding you why you love this man when you're starting to suspect you are just suffering from a need of perverseness.


• You can't please either family for the holidays. My first thought is to not leave my house and they can come visit next year. But Chad's probably got the safer solution with a neutral location.


• There is never enough time off to get the backlogged housework done.

And I think that's a pretty good summation of my life for the last two weeks.

I had a good long visit with Billy and Misty last night, in town from Florida briefly. I hope 2006 vacation schedule is better and we'll be able to head to Florida.

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The BookWorm

Is Telling Stories Still Fun

Notes from the 27th: Chad made an observation about my writing habits and it struck a chord. "You keep talking abou the business stuff. You aren't just telling the story. And that's why you keep distracting yourself with doing other stuff; you're not having fun."

Not that I have fun doing the dishes, but it was still scary accurate, and followed by a bout of me being sick that left me unable to think straight. But it's been a week since that came up in the conversation, and I still remember it.

has this stoy been in my head too long? Unknowningly, Chad stumbled upon an answer to why I've been so disheartened and undisciplined with my own work. It click, I'm not enjoying the words I'm stringing together. A deadly, dangerous snare for a writer to fall into, and one I disguised as "I'm not published yet and it's my own damn fault" pique.

Today: I squeezed in a half a page--and with the renewal craziness that's a feat--and feel good about it. I just have to remember to give the unpublished demon the boot out of head and get caught up in the story again.

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The BookWorm

Sick, Stressed, and Finding the Love

No actual post due to being sick and stressed.

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The BookWorm

Finally done with B.A.s

Got Krista graduated finally. I'd post pictures but none of the ones I took came out really well. Ceremony is much easier to sit through with the university colleges divided in half. You could actually get a seat in the stands and it only took about two hours.

So now all three of us will be back in Pumpkin Center. Kai came back to my parents' to look for work. Krista will be moving back home on the 23rd.

And no, I can't drive and write at the same time.

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The BookWorm

The X-Men Soap Opera

898 words today. And a heap of editing to do to get the words meshed together with the previous words, but I'm not starting that until I get 6000 words this week.

And I did a bad yesterday. I was reading what was available on the X-Men 3 movie due out May 2006. The big stand up of the X with Wolvie's claws for the 3 was in the theater when we went to see The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. (And yes, the pagan enjoyed the movie that was faithful to the books which are Christian allegory no matter how much C.S. Lewis was in ambivance about it.) Pirates of the Carribbean: Dead Man's Chest preview got me hyped, so I went looking for X-Men 3's. Which a teaser is available that I can't play at work.

Anyway, I ended up reading fans whining about Gambit STILL not being part of the cast. (Best answer: Gambit was a victim of Katrina) The movie story line, which Rogue and Gambit--whereever he is--are too young to have met yet and giving a strong reason for Rogue and Iceman's connection that is in the comics, is a different creature from the comics. I know that. I also know the comics are a soap opera with sixty years of continuity. But Rogue and Gambit are part of the reason why I stopped reading X-Men (the second part being I couldn't afford all the titles).

Rogue and Gambit are my favorites. And they have passion combined with trust issues. Both combined with feisty tempers (what do you expect they're Southern) on both sides--as Rogue occassionally channeling someone else's personality--has beacoup conflict storytelling potential. But instead of concentrating on that, the writers are in a rut of "their powers keep them apart."

If Rogue can't touch, Gambit is leaking energy uncontrollably. Last I checked, it's back to Rogue can't touch in the current comics. And Jean Grey is really dead and Scott Summers and Emma Frost have hooked up. But back to the ones I care about, and why I can't read X-Men anymore.

Now all this alternating shaboinging (To my knowledge, there has been two opportunities for shaboinging: 1) when Eric the Red suppressed their mutant power in Anartica and 2) when they lost their powers after Rogue dragged Gambit back from the white light.), no touching, and combusting is supposed to keep the couple and the readers sexually frustrated and hooked into the relationship.

It's bullshit.

First reason, every so often somebody comes up with a mechanical means for suppressing mutant powers. Why doesn't Rogue keep one for recreational use? Or have Forge or Beats--both science geek--make something?

Second reason, Joseph--the clone of Magneto that had the hots for Rogue--built a room that suppressed her powers. Go in and she could touch. Now the writers killed ole Joseph off--can't have any true competition with the Ragin' Cajun after all--but he didn't dismantle the room before he died.

Shaboinging isn't the impossibility that Marvel writers want to think it is. And I got tired of waiting for the writers to wake up and remember Gambit is a schemer who think of my two points and five more to be with the woman he loves.

Really they should have made her pregnant after the first shaboing. Unprotected sex lesson and all that jazz. But then they killed Jean Grey off before she Rachel Summers, but that's getting into the whole time travel mess.

So I'll enjoy the movies. Others are talking about spinoffs with the teen X-Men. Maybe if that happens, Gambit will finallly appear. Till then, I'm content to drool over Hugh Jackman as Logan.

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The BookWorm

Progress!

I actually made my word count today! See Discipline Under Fire for the proof.

Tonight's plans: I have to go shopping for some essentials in at least 2 different stores. Yuck. Then I have to work on the take-home final for English 611 and finish the house cleaning before the trip. The adjuster is coming tomorrow night too.

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The BookWorm

Finding rhythm once again

Of course I pick the completely messed up schedule week to try to get back into a routine. Thursday and Friday, I won't be at work and will be going to my baby sister's graduation. Monday and Tuesday of next week will have me closing on my refinancing (I hope) and going to get my blood retested.

I've got a page and a half handwritten, a good start for this morning. And now I'm stuck with blood splatter pattern. The body was in bed this time. Hmm, too bad I can't afford a computer program to help me plot these crime scenes.

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The BookWorm

Feeling a little silly with glee

I finally finished the stupid paper for English 575! Now all I have left is the take home final for English 611. That I'm working on Tuesday night. Today, I'm going out to see if I can catch the end of the Faire.

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The BookWorm

Carson Fire and Elf Life

My brain hurts. I finished my ten-page paper today, finally. A day late, but it's done. I don't have anything to start on the 20-page paper here, though I'll probably have to work on it tonight. So I tweaked the link list, namely the Webcomics part. Check out the new ones, I heartily recommend them. Now the rest of this blog is to explain Elf Life's new status: hiatus disappointment.

I started reading Elf Life when Fans used Baughb in the "Times of War" storyline. He was only a guest start, but I went ahead and read the other comic's archive to understand the character.

I fell in love.

This comic is EPIC in scope. The artwork was a distinct way of depicting elves that I hadn't seen before. It wasn't the tall, thin, Tolkien-copy, and I liked it. But the story was were the true WOW came in. The Convergence was the world of man and the world of the elves, fairies, goblins, etc. slamming together. Baughb, the hero of the story, managed to save a group of elves but was lost in time through a fairy gate. His legend grew in his absence, so imagine everyone's surprise when he shows back up in the village centuries later and they find out he's a complete and total goofus. But most of the goofus behavior is just an act to cover up just how competent he really is, how he failed to save the Princess and the fairy Glynhial and return to the time he had left, and that he knows what the future has in store--the destruction of the elves' world.

Only Baughb can save what's left of their world, if he can bring the various fighting elements together. He knows it will kill him, but he hopes to save Filis and Airek, the best ones able to lead the elves after this second Convergence. Oh and Filis is the missing Princess and Baughb is in love with her, but he doesn't want her to die with him.

Did I mention that Baughb also has to survive his younger self in our present's murderous attacks on the future self in the past?

Serious epic fantasy mixed with baudy humor and naked fairies and mermaids. But the writing is what would keep you coming back. Carson combined "Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge with "Popeye" and it WORKED! This coming from a major "Popeye" hater too.

So why the disappointment? It's the updates. Okay, some things we readers can understand: the computer died, major illness, no electricity due to weather, have no money and must get a real job, moving. Long spans of no updates peppered the archive while you were waiting for the next page day after day. And silence about why there were no updates became more common. Readers gave up. Then the website would be tweaked and our hopes would rise, aided by a trinkle of updates that would end without warning. Or it would be a full text update when I came for a comic. But I put up with it because I saw the potential and was hooked on the story. I STILL want to see Filis become a hero and win her elf. I want Baughb to save the elves and beat his fate. And if he and Filis can't beat their fates, I want it to be a noble sacrifice.

But now Elf Life has been put on hiatus in favor of a political comic that Carson hopes will appeal to a mainstream audience. Why? Because Elf Life doesn't earn any money; because not enough people like fantasy.

What the fuck? In a world where Lord of the Rings sweapt the Oscars, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe has made it to the big screen, and Harry Potter is breaking all the records in movies and print, you can't find an audience that likes fantasy? Oh wait, those examples delievered what they promised.

Look, I don;t hate Elf Life or Carson, and I wish him well on his new venture. I'm waiting for the printed version of the comic or CDs or something I can buy that will have the completed story. But I cannot recommend Elf Life to people knowing their are just going to be disappointed like I am.

And speaking author to author, addressing Carson now: Elf Life is too good for you to keep fucking up. If it is truly your life's work, what you want to be remembered for when you die, take the break, develop a business plan, and create a buffer so you can win back the Elf Life audience with steady updates on a sane schedule. Just email me and let me know when I can buy the finished product, because I'll only be checking in every six months or so. Good luck with Winger.

My public service message for the day is done.

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The BookWorm

I hate it when I don't know where I've already been

Work on Zy came to a screeching halt this morning because I couldn't pack the notes (had to pack for class tonight) and there are elements I want to use in this scene from my notes. I discovered I need to go tweak the Strual interrogation, I forgot how many tentacles the Ecanians have. Times like this makes me wish I had some drawing talent.

And I'm back into my size 14 grey slacks. Still a little snug around the waist, but way less snug than the jeans were Friday, but they aren't cut the same as the jeans. Oh whatever, I'm reveling and enjoying the 100% juice fruit punch from Tropicana. Shopping for juices has been fun, just about everything in the flavors I drink has only 15 - 25%.

http://www.jefferydeaver.com/index.html Just finished the novel "The Bone Collector." Different from the movie, which is well expected these days. I still like the movie as a forensic based police procedural that allows the viewer to play along. I want to finish the rest of the series and catch up, but I don't know how much time I'll have for reading between semesters with the writing and the sewing I need to catch up on.

Plus my baby sister is graduating college with her B.A. in Theater on the 16th. And then she's finishing the garage room off and moving back in with my parents. She's got a lot done, there's just some painting left to finish and trim work, as well as the actual moving in.

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The BookWorm

One assignment done

And three more to go. Boyo, I wish I was kidding about that.

However cooking went well today so I have lunch for the rest of the week. So now I need to see if I can squeeze some more words out of my brain. Fictional words this time.

I swear, after this semester ends I'm going to the beauty salon and get pampered.

*Snort* I should have known. Okay time to pack up my fiction words and go hold down the table at the restuarant of our RenFaire friends' choice. I don't mind, really. And at least Chad grabbed me before I got down and dirty into Zy's world.

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The BookWorm

Okay it's shaping up to be a good Friday

I had my doubts, especially when the jeans I wanted to wear didn't get dry in time. Yes, I had to do laundry this morning because I crawled into bed as soon as I got home last night. So I ended up squeezing into a pair of size 14 jeans. It is a squeeze, but I can close them. Fruit is working, maybe?

I breezed ahead on Capt. Kate's short story, my Friday reward. Though I think I may have to take it away since I'm not making as much progress in Zy's novel. This weekend will be finishing up school assignment again. Something is due every Monday and Thursday for the next two weeks, but then I get a nice long break before the Spring semester starts on January 17th.

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The BookWorm

Put today in a blender and hit shrapay

I had such good intentions for today. I had a brainwave last night driving home to start writing in the morning before getting into the car to come to work. I was going to try it today.

And I've never been an advocate of shooting animals just because they piss you off on some level. (No hunting for food/sport is not the same thing provided you eat what you kill.) The animal I want to shoot is a black female cat that is currently in heat. And Mustard has forgotten he's an enuch.

Mustard darted out last night and never did return. I finally found him and said black cat in courting ritual and left them to it. He'll come in whenever. I went to bed.

Wake up this morning. No Mustard. The temperature is in the 30s. I'm worried, so I get dressed and start hunting him with a flashlight. This is about 5:30 a.m. He comes out of hiding about 6 a.m., after I have started the car to warm it. I go to get him to put his ass back inside. Black cat shows up. Mustard tries to take my left thumb off. The only thing that probably saved me from having to get stitches is that I was wearing gloves. Still I've got a hunk missing out of the thumb--small in area but apparantly deep since the blood has leaked through the two band-aids I have on top of each other--and matching scratches down my forearm.

Course it also proves I shouldn't live alone. These minor wounds (though they hurt like a sonofabitch before the Tylenol kicked in) had me going dizzy with ringing ears, signs of blacking out. I had to go lay down on my bed, since I didn't want to hit the kitchen floor. Get back up and try to doctor myself then lay back down. I was okay after the second lay down. Still it's not like Mustard severed an artry and I lost copious amounts of blood.

It was 6:30 a.m. befoe I left home for work and I had to stop and buy gas and get some cash out, so I got here about 15 minutes late. I have no idea if I'm going to be able to get Mustard in tonight when I get home. I can't shoot the black cat, no gun. But on the bright side at least they are keeping to the woods in the back of my property and not the road in front of my property. I can cross Mustard getting run over off my worry list for today.

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The BookWorm

WIGGI!!!!! Court is now in session!

Supernatural Law, explanation. I have loved Wolff & Byrd ever since I picked up a compilation book of strips way back at Northwestern in the 90s (which apparantly doesn't even exist on Batton Lash's book order page *blink*).

And now they've come to the web. *Sigh*

I still have to get the rest of the books, though. Add that to my comics related shopping list.

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The BookWorm

Moses in the Ice Chest

Quicky that is writing related. Today's the three-month anniversery of Katrina hitting. Tommy, a New Orleans fire fighter, called in WWL 870 this morning. He and the rest of the fire fighters listened to WWL for people calling in to report they were trapped. 22 guys took their personal boats and preformed 1500 rescues. They didn't take the news crews with them, so most people don't know they were out there.

The youngest person they rescued was a baby 8 DAYS old, floated to the boat in what Tommy called "one of them Rubbermaid things like an ice chest."

IF I ever write on Katrina--and it's a big if since I tear up still with stories like that--even in a round-about way, I'm going to use that as a title.

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The BookWorm

It's Monday and I'm being bad

So I haven't written anything this morning *raspberry* I'm getting back into the swing of work and fiction after spending Thursday through Sunday on homework--namely the ENGL-575 paper. It's done. The Pilgrim's Progress presentation is started, but I need to find one more source to quote in it.

So that leaves me with:

ENGL-611 Bunyan Presentation = 4 pages = 800 words
ENGL-575 precis = 1.5 pages = 300 words
ENGL-575 Final project presentation = 2 pages = 400 words
ENGL-611 Major paper = 10 pages = 2000 words
ENGL-575 Final draft = 20 pages = 4000 words

Actually I think I have to do a recount on number of words. I was basing it on the Courier 12pt formula of 250 per page, but I had 4036 in the ENGL-575 Revision and only have 14 pages (one is the works cited). Okay, I did some testing and with Times New Roman and solid text double-spaced (I didn't skip spaces for titles or paragraphs) I got 400 words on a page. So everything just doubled. Ouch.

So what's up with Revolver and Mezzine's Mind? Or is Blogger having issues? Or am I the only one who can't access them?

Currently in Zy's novel: yakky scene. Also need some reason for D'pa to have trusted Gumbino over Stual. Oh well, can't worry about it now, the stupid mail is here. *Sigh* Maybe something will have clicked by lunch.


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The BookWorm

Made some changes

Well, the experiment with the Report Card appears to be working, so I went ahead and expanded it for the full time and word amount I'm hoping will go into Zy's novel. Wrote 812 words today so far and that has me finishing the novel on July 7, 2007. Considering that I want to finish on October 10, 2006, I guess it is better than the "NEVER" I was getting before. Though I don't know why "Tomorrow's goal" doesn't put you back on track for finishing in the amount of time you say you want to. I'm guessing it's because it was built for NaNo.

I get to leave early today, and help my sister hang sheetrock. Tomorrow is Turkey Day at Chad's mother's. My parents are going to Kai's in Texas--at least what I was told last night. Krista can't wait for them to get out of her room finishing hair. So Happy Thanksgiving everybody if I don't see you tomorrow.

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The BookWorm

Ouch!

Zokutou's Writing Report Card is handy at yelling at you, all automated. I set it up to try it out and then had some insanity this weekend, all school related that lasted until yesterday. So I opened up what I had set up earlier. I missed six days, have to do 500 words to be on schedule for today, and at this rate I'll never finish.

OUCH!

The purse situation, I sorta have a messanger bag. Well it's a briefcase like bag. Sharp should remember how much I brought to Upward Bound in high school. It's just gotten worse. Zy's novel is expanded out of a 1 1/2 inch binder, SLU classes have about 5 assigned books between them and another 1 1/2 inch binder, then there's the books for fiction research and the books for paper research, and 4 miscellaneous folders I don't work on until Fridays for rewards but if I don't keep them in the bag everyday I won't have them. Consolidating the money stuff to the organizer let me leave the black bag behind. BUT I leave the organizer behind. *Sigh*

I'm using the purse I got free from Coldwater Creek when I bought my suits. Carrying three bags and a coat to class is even worse now. The next step is probably one of those suitcases on wheels. Or maybe I woldn't have to drag as much paper and books if I get a laptop.

Anyways I'll have to take some pictures when I get home. I don't think my describing it does it justice. Time to crank out 500 words and make the report card happy.

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The BookWorm

If I could just wear jeans everyday, I wouldn't have this problem

6am, leaving home and I realize I don't have my organizer which has my life in it. Driver's License, debit cards, checkbooks, student id, my life. The last place I remember seeing it, packing up my bags leaving class last night. So 6:30 had me back on campus. Not in the classroom, the janitor didn't have it. The police didn't have it. Woke Chad up to check my school email. Nobody emailed me about it. Found my professor's door. No Friday office hours. Had to wait until 7:45 when the English department finally opened. No, they didn't have it, could only get my professor's answering machine at home. Go home to wait for the professor to call and start emailing my classmates. 8:30am it's turned into the department. It's 9am but I get it back, safe and sound, and finally make it my job by 10am.

I'm rather proud of myself. Only had mild hysterics after seeing the "no Friday office hours" sign and I did it before anybody else showed up on that floor. I'm going to have to start carrying a purse just so I will stop leaving that damned thing places, and I'm not looking forward to that. But not it's starting to happen about once a month.

Now to explain the title. In my college years, I kept everything condensced to a man's wallet, which went in my back pocket. Checkbooks kept at home under lock and key. Anything bulkier in the booksack. If I didn't need the booksack, wallet in pocket. Purse is an anchor to a feminist. I never lost the damn wallet. Unfortunately, in the working world I'm in, they limit your jeans to Fridays. Dress slacks usually don't have pockets, and if they do there's usually only room for one key. I had to get a purse. I resisted. I finally broke into using an organizer that has pockets for cards and money and a calculator as well as more paper than I can possibly need (I wonder if the executive types they are designed for actually take that many notes). I keep leaving it places. I usually stick it in my black bag with all my writing essentials, but I don't take that everywhere I go. It needs to be permanently tied to my body, which means a ... purse.

I will not have hysterics at work.

Bleauh, kill time with research today. I don't feel like dealing with any characters.

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The BookWorm

Is it believable?

Oh ack! Yes, that's the best way to describe it, ack!

Xeryl, Xeryl, Xeryl. I'm working on understanding Xeryl, the romantic subplot lead, deboniare bad boy, reluctant partner, in the pool of victims, and keeping a secret. He's smart, witty, ready and has made hard choice to succeed in what he has set out to do. He plans, he thinks things through, he doesn't express losing his temper. He's a great foil for the impulsive Zy who doesn't trust him or his motives, but can't help falling for him. Playing at purse-er and pursue-ee, this romantic sub-plot is supposed to last through the series.

Must remember to update the Discipline Under Fire links.

Anyways, the problem that has made work grind to screeching halt and is making me looking longingly at my homework: chasing Zy endangers his secret and Xeryl is too smart to endanger his secret.

How realistic is it for him to say "screw the secret," the thing that has ruled his life for at least the past decade? How realistic is it to portray a character in a mystery as being torn between the secret and wanting Zy? I can probably work with; it definately adds to Xeryl, but is it drifting into melodrama, sleazy, formulaic romance? (That stuff published by Harlequin is not what I want to write.)

I think I will go work on homework. If Xeryl will stop jumping up and down and my head begging for attention.

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The BookWorm

Background work

Total words yesterday = 880
Total words spent on Mealte yesterday and today = 1164
Total words I can show = 0

Need to finish the Murderer's back ground work and Xeryl's background work. Need to get the book on Aliens and Alien Societies. Need to give these three some sort of base language to work from.

I suppose I out to explain that one. It was advice from the new naming characters book I got, basing your new race/species on a real language. I'm honest with myself, I'm no Tolkien and even he riffed off what he knew of Old English, Old Norse, etc. The problem is I'm doing so much work at the paying job and I don't bring my reference materials with me.

I'm beginning to wonder if biology doesn't play a factor here. Maybe I should look at my schedule on a monthly basis two weeks of energizied creativity, one week of PMS-ick best used on editing, and one final week you don't feel like doing anything at all? Or is it just me with changing my diet and restarting birth control and the lack of sleep I seem to constantly operate under? I know I'm going to go home and again not feel like doing anything and there's so much to do.

Okay I'm going for Diet Dr. Pepper and then cracking on Xeryl if the mail hasn't gotten here yet.

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The BookWorm

Progress is slow

Of course that was the reason why I saved the office cleaning for last. I shoved everything into boxes (I think there is seven or eight of them) and shoved the boxes to the outside of my desk. Nothing is allowed to cross the desk unless it's filed. Items to keep are scanned and then thrown away. Some just get thrown away.

I didn't get a chance to chip away at the boxes last night. I finally got to the library for research into my homework assignments and an after class chat with my professor over revising my paper. I need a thesis, which is a verdict I'm not disagreeing with. My initial view was what detective genre rules are broken, but the story isn't a detective story per se, but a mystery about a detective's past and how he reconstructs his view of himself. All that aside, When We Were Orphans is a damn fine read, which it would have to be to make me so utterly frustrated with the main character. Yes, that frustration was on the surface on my first draft according to my professor. Though maybe not a bad thing, I tend to write better nonfiction when I'm in a tiff about the subject.

I did reach over 400 words on Zy's novel this morning. Unfortunately, it is all background stuff. I don't mind the break because it is character blanks that need to be filled. But I also don't want to spoil anything so I can't post it. And looking at my daily word count list, I'm stuck with it because I didn't bring my school work today. *Sigh*

Oh and I forgot to tell you I finally got a haircut. I've gone from waist-length straight hair to shoulder-length straight hair. Donated a foot all the way around to Locks for Love. I think my preferrred length is about mid-back, but I had too many split ends to try to keep it longer. Neck doesn't hurt since either. LOL That's a lot of weight. But it'll grow back.

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The BookWorm

The number one reason to get a dishwasher...

... is I always wash the clothes I'm wearing while washing the dishes.

I've been slacking in the writing department this weekend and last, trying to get my house up to a point where I can forget about it for another six months. I'm on the last room now--my office. I'm tweaking my computer setup for easy of use, bought a TV stand that I'm going to turn into a rolling storage unit. I would have made a bigger impact except I had to stop and cook for lunch. And cooking means get a couple of meals so I have food during the week.

I'm trying a new eating regieme to add more fruits and veggies to my diet. Fit for Life. Granted I think some of their science is a little wonky (the stomach makes acid and akaline juices?), but I've been following the nothing but fruit and juice for breakfast and saving the carbs and meat for noon and later, and I haven't been getting that mid-afternoon slump. And when I was doing Shape Up Louisiana, they wanted you to have four to five servings of fruits and veggies a day. 16 ounces of juice and an apple or a bannana is five. The real test is what my blood sugar says Dec. 20th and if I drop any clothes sizes between now and then.

Time to get back to work.

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The BookWorm

Yeah you get the writing blahs

I think it's just another symptom of PMS. Or trying to get advised for the Spring 2006 semester stress. Or maybe I'm still stuck in left brain editing mode?

Yesterday I was stuck on Xeryl since the info I wanted to compile is on my home computer. His character work also didn't offer up any clues to his culture or species like Mylte's did. Damn bastard is hiding from me still. Unless something clicks, I'll shoulder through other characters and through the rest of the novel without getting anything more out of him.

This morning I remembered to pack my CD with most of my Zy's novel on it. I had four points written down about Xeryl, three of which I don't think hold true anymore. I found a few more in some handwritten notes, but I haven't gone searching deeply through that. I think my next step is to seperate the handwritten notes (started back in 1994) out and scan them so that there is a back up of this stuff somewhere else.

Yesterday, from Xeryl I moved to outlining duties. I got stuck because the last updated timeline is on the home computer. And I thought I had packed better that morning.

There is a copy of the timeline on the CD but I don't know if it was the updated one. Hey I forgot to check my emails. Okay I checked. I guess if there is a different copy of the timeline it must be on the last CD I made when I deleted stuff off the work computer. Which must be at home.

Yesterday I switched gears and edited for a while because nothing was happening with composing. Finished it this morning. Lots of blue marks. Word at work marks my changes in blue. But to have this much blue already means I've taken the critique to heart and moved on. Though I did have a few moments of pang over the implausible police behavior. I think I worked it out. Peterson and Hilden are intelligent, and fresh out of training. Blood must be protected for forensics. And since I knew it's part of the crime scene, they should know it's a crime scene too. I'm tweaked it to show their discovery process.

Strix is another issue. They're a coule of swell kids: the vampire who becomes a superhero and the woman who becomes his lover, wife, mother of his child, and a ghost. This is the story of how they met, fell in love, and gave birth to a superhero that their daughter will eventually inherit while solving some pesky murders. This should be a breeze to write and every time I work on it, I freeze up. Haven't figured that one yet.

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The BookWorm

How did that happen?

Fixed this blog comments. I'm not sure how it got messed up to begin with.

My maternal grandmother is in the hospital. Broken wrist and apparantly having seizures of a sort. Could be caused by blockages in her arteries, but we don't know yet.

So I may put up the blithey, work related crap that I wrote yesterday or I may not. Depends on the situation.

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The BookWorm

In Defense of NaNoWriMo

http://www.websnark.com/archives/2005/11/what_good_is_na.html#comments

Not that NaNo really needs defending in my eyes. No, I'm not participating this year. Once again, November is a horrible time of year for me to even toy with the idea. Though I am trying to work on the 250 a day every day.

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The BookWorm

26 Things I Hate to do... er... my chore list

November 2 I started on the chore list on my ride home. I didn't think it was going to get that big, but everything that needs doing to make my house hospitable for company kept popping into my head. The scary? They're twenty-six big concepts like "Living Room." Do you realize how much that covers?

Found two new blogs: The Movie Watcher's Diary, reviews of movies available on DVD, and Revolver, a detective novel in progress.

Looks like I'm going to have to watch the DVD version of Episode III for the deleted extra scenes. How can you leave out the birth of the Rebellion? ARGH! Some people might get snarky with James Patterson hiring ghost writers or collaborators, but at least the man is honest with himself and his works. He says he's the idea man, and usually edits what is written by other people. The best stuff in the Star Wars universe was "Episode V--Empire Strikes Back" and the Timothy Zahn novels (all five of them). What do they have in common? Lucas relinquished control. "Radioland Murders" is a hysterical quirky little comedy with a lot of famous faces. Story by George Lucas and screenplay and directed by someone else. Get the idea? I keep concentrating on Obi-wan and Bail Organa because their stories at least make sense and don't make you want to bang your head against their motivations and cornball dialouge.

But Padme, oh how the mighty have fallen. Maybe I could have bought the whole dying of a broken heart if the love scenes had been well, love scenes (a problem stemming from Episode II). But I think it would have been much stronger for this woman who at 14 was ruling a planet, then became one of the youngest Senators elected, apparantly had some say so with the birth of the Rebellion (that was left out of the theatrical release), to go out with a bigger bang. Agree to separate her children because Anakin would be after her and would give the Empreror potential students to the Dark Side. Or heck, have the Emperor kill her just to cement the story he tells Darth Vader. But for a woman so strong to go out like a pansy, yuck. Luke and Leia must have ended up with their grandmother's spine. Or maybe for Leia's Bail Organa's spine. Cause Anakin sure didn't have much of one either. :p

Well, I didn't intend for this post to become a Star Wars rant. I also didn't pack any of my reward work for this Friday. I think it's buried on my desk at home. Going back to the chore list, I managed to cross off six items. The biggest one being my book cataloguing. Now all the nonfiction is in BookCAT and the spines have labels with the Dewey Decimel number and the books are shelved accordingly. I still have to put in the fiction but I'm holding off until the rest of the house is done.

So I'm back on working on background stuff for Zy's novel since that is all I have with me.

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The BookWorm

Happy Halloween!

I ran out of sewing time so I went as a RenFaire playtron.

Playtron = a patron who gets into the spirit of a renaissance festival by dressing up. Costumes have varying degrees of accuracy.



Play spot the anachronisms!

That's the new leather bodice that got mentioned in the Garb Closet. And all I have to say is I'm glad I didn't get wet in that shirt.

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The BookWorm

The enigma that is Mylte and other car notes

Today has ended up being a weird Friday. I totally forgot to pack my reward stuff to work on as well as Zy's novel. I don't feel that my head is on straight enough for homework. Though I have to work on it. So here's the car notes, enjoy.

October 26, 2005
The enigma that is Mylte
I got nearly five pages of background work done on him before the scanners were up and running. I've got his backstory together and why he is where Zy finds him. And a strong kernel that can be developed into a future story. Funny, who I envisioned as the ruthless nearly pathological muscle has normal parents. I still have to iron out the culture, but I feel I have made a lot of progress.

Went through five stores to find an organizer with a strap. Then the strap fell apart. Of course to get the strap I had to buy a cheap product so I'm not surprised that it fell apart. But the quality ones don't have straps.

I need to compile work into one place, well two places. One notebook/binder and one folder on the harddrive that can be backed up. It's getting to hard to find stuff. Though I doubt I'm going to get a chance this weekend to clean out my harddrive.

October 27, 2005
Well, I was being uber-good today. I'm supposed to work on Zy's novel and four assignments before writing the blog entry. I got stuck on the first assignment. Not stuck as in not thinking of anything but that I didn't finish my word count. The first assignment also means I have to skimmingly reread When We Were Orphans.

I don't know if we're going to end up keeping the check scanning or not. The bank can't get us a deposit report the next day which means we can't deliever any work until we get it. Not my call to make, but every issue that has popped up, Marian and I brought up in the constant meetings to sell the system to us. I think it proves a Dilbert principle about management, and now I'll switch the subject.

Ugh, now I'm trying to doze off on the drive home. And everybody started using my cut over. Bus route please, please, pretty please!

Looks like the colder weather is here for a while, and I need a coat and a pair of gloves. I thought I bought gloves last year but all I can find are my garb gloves. I guess I donated them with the coat. I want a winter fashion statement made by me, since all my other coats were hand-me-downs or bought by my mother. It's time I went shopping.

Oh, the light is messed up. Damn, I wish the radio had told me. Past that now. Yet another reason for the bus route.

I hope I'm not completely drained by the time I get home. I want soup for this nasal sinus thing I have right now, and the food court at SLU doesn't have soup. But Quinizno's does!

Back to today
I have spent most of today feeling like the barely reanimated dead. And I have oodles of sewing to get done for Halloween. Looks like we're keeping the scanners: they've worked out the latest issue.

Want to remember this website: Backspace: the Writer's Place. It was recommended by a few readers of Miss Snark's blog.

Have to make sure everything is done for today and I'm going to try to put my brain in the late 1500s for Capt. Kate's short story.

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The BookWorm

New Level of Purgatory

Okay, I'm breaking my rule to myself. Today has been overall weird since I had to get my favorites list back in order--and just after I had condensed the essentials to one folder. But today is also a day of relief and release and I'll get back to work soon enough.

I've been released from phone bank hell to check scanning hell. I'm glad the phone bank gig is done for me. I've helped and even got a thank you card from a consumer, but there's limits to what we can do. Unfortunately, we can't break the knees of the insurance companies who are jerking their customers around, no matter how much they deserve it. On a personal note, it's draining work that nobody understands until they are put through it. I've had more bust days than writing days this past week and sleep has been weird. Falling asleep at the wheel looks like a serious issue in the morning (though it wasn't as bad this morning, but I also ended up sleeping later than usual). I'm fine at home, but the second I'm in the car, dropping eyelids.

CATS (Capital Area Transit--Baton Rouge's bus system) is supposed to get a route out to Hammond for park and ride. I hope it works out soon, because no matter how long it takes, the ride is way less stressful when someone else is behind the wheel.

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The BookWorm

Catch up on Fridays

Finished one week on the phones. Not as insane as taking calls for Sprint, and I'm taking my ten minutes an hour breaks we're given. Thirty minutes for lunch is barely time to eat and I'm trying to drink more water. Cutting back on the soft drinks so I don't belch in a caller's ear and so I will sleep at night. Though I wish they had gotten enough people so we could have four-day weeks. I could barely keep my eyes open on the drive-in, and sitting at the cubicle isn't much better.

I heard back from the second round of blood testing--borderline diabetic. "What do I do now, schedule an appointment with the dietian?"
"Come back in two months and we'll test it again."
Okay, just cause I'm under thirty doesn't mean this is going to go away on its own. Both my parents are diabetic, my maternal grandmother is diabetic, I'm 180 pounds (home scale) and should be 120, and find it impossible to schedule in exercise. Even the new schedule is no help. I'm getting off at 3:30pm and getting home at 5:00pm.

I also need to check my homewoners insurance for a hurricane deductible and check out the new items I can buy on it. They didn't explain them well in their letter.

Now I'm going to go back through the car notebooks for dated jottings and clean them out.

9/19/2005: Car whinning. No need to repeat.

9/22/2005: Nothing like a natural catastrophe (Rita) to snap one out of depression. Actually I have to go shopping. I have to get shelves and clean house.

I will need to get new nightstands and bedspread eventually. Looks like feeder bands have started above Baton Rouge.

I can upload website and pictures to blog tonight I hope. I'm trying to make my way to Baton Rouge Big Lots. Download yWriter tonight too.

Bought shelves. Not the white ones I wanted but I need them and can't be choosy. I'll get nicer stuff later, like after hurricane season.

We're already getting rain from Rita at 5:55pm in Denham Springs. I'll be sticking with 190 instead of I-12.

10/10/2005: A page a day equals 420 words a day (I double space after typing). That is a doable chunck; I'm not arguing with that. But how do I fit it in with the other writing I must do? The list of due dates is rather overhelming. One day one page at a time, but I'm going to have to be on a tighter schedule for the rest.

Shoot. I closed down too soon. I need to know how many pages I need to do a day to get the papers done on time. (I have done this and broke it down by a daily woord count.)

I like these new Atlantis pens from Bic, which means they won't make any more of them.

I have a lot more time to myself than I thought I would in the mornings. Problem is can I count on myself to get up that early every morning? I'm afraid to pin my writing on my sleep deprevation. Of course there's the stay up late and try to work. *Snort.* I'm brain dead when I get home. So mornings before everyone gets in is my only hope.

Fridays will be my reward day. (Why you're getting a blog today--I met my reward work quota.)

I need to consider Zy's series posibilities. Well there's the romance subplot: will Zy have figured out Xeryl's truth before it explodes? But that maybe the last story of this series. Long time of nothing but blank thoughts. Man, they've managed to do this for years on Law & Order.

Little girl lost, that face still gets to me but it needs more of a story to go with it.

Mylte's past with his homeworld and culture. I need to work on these some more, but again I want to leave him an enigma for a while.

Action adventure, such a fun genre. Plots should be easier and they're not.

Zy gets a promotion and something happens?

A good point from reading Holly Lisle's site: I'm making my manuscript pretty and how I would envision selling it to the public. It doesn't match the accepted formats for submissions. I've decided to continue writing it as I have, and worry about how to do word box inserts in a fiction submission during the editing process.

10/11/2005: I'm going to have to do some more background work in Zy's universe. I've started well with the species but they need more work from a culture standpoint.

Also need to add Zy's reports back to IGA in the story.

Mylte and Xeryl's cultures especially. Which means a trip to the library for books.

10/12/2005: More car whinning.

10/18/2005: Pretty brain dead, but its not as bad as working for Convergys. Though getting off with these early hours makes me hopeful I will get brain power back. (Hasn't happened yet.)

Now dealing with home distractions is another story. It's hard to concentrate with the siren call of other projects that need to be finished, started, or worked on. I know it's just a tool of my procrastination complex but knowing that hasn't given me a practical way to ignore it.

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The BookWorm

*Twitch*

Yeah I'm developing nervous tics. Okay, it's really not that bad, just sudden and possibly for four to six months. It's a good thing I quit Faire (even if I'm still over there just as much) because I'd be pulling my hair out and be bald by now.

Everything is still upside from the hurricanes--and now Tropical Storm Wilma is out there--travel time nightmares ferrying Chad back and forth to Lafayette, getting my house and yard in order. School is its own unique headache and I find myself descending into bad undergrad techniques to get by. Luckily, I've got two scatterbrains (Chad's compared them to Hagrid and Professor Twellney from Harry Potter and I agree) and they have accepted that this is the semester from Hell and just make an attempt will ya? I'm keeping up with the readings when I can and working on wowing them with papers.

Been slowly bringing my fiction writing back to speed after months of neglect. The new travel time actually worked in favor of that, I had an hour or so before paying job with nothing but Internet distractions. Ending up exhausted and not looking much better, but I could deal with it. Felt like fingernails on chalkboard but I was dealing with it.

Then Friday I got a new bam. I don't do well with bams. But we all know how I get het up about something. I was selected to work on the Department of Insurance phone bank for hurricane victims. Out of 400 employees, an outside firm picked 25 of us to work on this for four to six months. New hours 7am to 3:30pm and physically moved to a new cubicle.

Nobody knew this was going on until it was a done deal. My supervisor started having second thoughts after it was pointed out she was losing two batchers to this deal and one was out sick. Check scanning is supposed to go live on Oct. 26 and everyone trained to do it (and will do it) is gone. Supposedly as we left Friday, this assignment should only last until the 26th. We'll see.

Granted I felt overwhelmed and didn't want the new job. All the old insequrities about dealing with people went spinning free through my head. Next weekened is the teachers' workshop. Hopefully these new hours will get me home and not too drained to do stuff like Internet. No more time to play at work.

Day is done update: I survived. I don't know how long I can keep it up, but I didn't make that many mistakes. Terry's right, karma is in action in our old office. We don't know if they will get their way and get us back, and I don't really care. I don't know when I'll get another chance to update, so stay tuned.

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The BookWorm

HAPPY ANNIVERSERY!

I've been blogging here now for two years. Yes, I know the archive list is a little off. Before October 2003 posts, were actually flashback notes from my notebooks. I wasn't supposed to put them up like that, then forgot and put them up. Silly me.

In honor of the milestone: the results of a quiz.

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great. One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog... And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes. Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

So what's ahead for the next year? More of the same I'm afraid. But if it's not broken, why fix it?

I've been bad in the morning since I got Zy stuck in the bathroom. I've been concentrating on working on expanding the characters. They've been in my head for a long time (I started one version of Zy's novel back in high school that was thankfully abandoned. This wouldn't be nearly as much fun battling a Hitler brought forward in time. Trust me.) but I don't know as much about them as I should. Probably due to the long vacations from working on the text. So I've been typing up my car notebook info on the Strix and Capt. Kate stories so I won't lose them, while grappling with characters. I've counted a lot of numbers, but it's not on the project I wanted to be concentrating on. On the other hand, I've got some analysis of Xeryl and some culture and personality stuff on my still unnamed murderer.

And going home and getting anything done has been doubly hard. I'm just so tired when I get there. Oh well, I'm going to have to buckle down tonight. Have to go to the store too. Mustard is out of cat food.

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Middle of the week slump

I got all my handwritten notes typed for Strix into Discipline Under Fire so I won't lose them. And I'm working on character/world building in Zy's novel. Xeryl--charming rouge that he is--isn't letting me know his reactions to things. And Mylte, he's an alien Bunter that can kick ass. Yes, I know Bunter was in the Army and he probably could but it's not his style. His style was the rock solid stoicism.

So it's lunch time, and I'm ty to be better today and resist the siren call of sweets and caffine. I tried to work with yWriter and I think I understand the basics of how the program works. Now I just have to put in the rest information.

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Banging my head against the desk

Well, I haven't been sent home over my clothes yet. Had lunch, stained my shirt green with brocolli (why is it I can't eat anything without it landing on my boobs?), got my earphone on (we're only allowed to have one ear plugged up), and can't concentrate.

So all serious writing will need to be done before my coworkers show up in the morning. So I just have to keep getting up at 4am and use lunch to check on all the webcomics and blogs and advice columns and news websites. Boyo, THAT's going to be a hard habit to switch. But right now I have story issues and I can't seem to get into the characters heads long enough to deal with it before I'm distracted.

Meanwhile Zy, my protagonist, is in the bathroom and doesn't want to leave because that means she has to suck it up and apologize to Xeryl because she needs his help. She is completely ignoring his spot-on observation that upset her in the first place. She has to leave, she can't do her job from the bathroom--and I have no story--so she will leave. But what will she find on the other side? How does Xeryl feel after the spat? What does Mylte think of these people he has ended up with?

I fixed some timeline issues I had noticed. I think I'm going to end up with another chapter inserted into the notecard outline that was the last version of the outline I have. I swear tonight I'm using yWriter to map out the rest of the story issues and get my books put away so I have my desk space back. And I think that means I'm going to have to put the white shelves together first. Ugh. And I have to cook because I have no food for lunches.

Plus I forgot to call about housekeeping prices. Damn.

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Getting notes in order

Just getting the notes in order for Zy's novel added 108 words to the file. The running tally is going to be seriously messed up until I can work at home on it.

Total as of end of Chp. 5 = 18,883 words
Word count of file of just Chp. 4 and 5 = 8489 words (which I'm assuming is added to the above total)
Post total = ? words

I'm just putting this here so I can move it easier to Discipline Under Fire.

Well, if I wasn't already concerned about my skirt riding up. And I admit, I'm going to have to go home and change quickly before my chiropractic appointment. But the new office worker got snarky about it. Evidently, she was told off about the length of her skirt or dress by our supervisor. Send me home, but I'm not coming back. If it comes to that.

Looked up my assignments last night and that relieved my aniexty. The page counts on what is due next week don't feel as bad.

Due dates:
ENGL-575 Research proposal and working bibliography (1 - 2 pages) due Oct. 17th
ENGL-611 Research project (Bibliographical essay, 3 - 4 pages) due Oct. 20th
ENGL-611 Presentation on Jonson (assuming we are still doing this, 15 min.) due Oct 20th
ENGL-575 First draft (8 - 10 pages) due Oct. 31st
ENGL-575 Presentation on Hyungji essay (15 min.) due Nov. 21st
ENGL-575 Revision of First Essay due Nov. 21st
ENGL-575 Precis (1 - 1 1/2 pages) due Nov. 28th
ENGL-575 Final project presentation due Dec. 5th
ENGL-611 Major paper (due date not finalizied, 10 pages) due Dec. 8th
ENGL-575 Final Draft (15 - 20 pages) due Dec. 12th
ENGL-611 Major paper (due date not finalizied, 10 pages) due Dec. 15th
Acadiana Faire Resouce Guide 2006 (rough estimate will be revised) due Feb. 1st
Zy's Novel due Oct. 10, 2006

Course I didn't bring any of that to work on really. That's what I get for trying to pack at 4am.

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The BookWorm

Home finally

Finished the resource guide, went to class, tried a new quiz.


.:Venus:.

"You thrive on balance in all aspects of your
life. You have a great deal of passion and when
it comes to love, you like to play games. You
have a tendency to search for something better,
a search which always seems to come up short.
You have difficulty finding satisfaction in
life, but you have a great ability to get along
with almost anyone."


. : : Which Astrological Planet are You? : : . [10 Gorgeous Pics!]
brought to you by Quizilla

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Won't do that again

I skipped my five minutes yesterday. I was good and didn't write here, but I was also snappy and irritable all day. Only compounded by the fact that I didn't finish the resource guide and Mom's covert criticism. Maybe she thinks she's making conversation, but I really don't need the run down of everything I'm slacking on like oh yardwork and housekeeping. Not when I tell you I'm working. But her opinion of sitting in front of the computer all day is colored by Dad who just plays games. Of course, I'm not working. I'm just writing and that's just playing too.

Otherwise, she's a very nice woman and very supportive as long as I keep her in the dark about my actual ambitions.

On housekeeping: a blog post from Laurie King did give me an idea.

Which means that since January, the house has not had any attention to speak of. Oh, it’s been kept tidy and clean, largely in part to the cleaning lady I hired eighteen months ago after finally deciding that yes, it might be a sin to depend on someone else to clean, but it was a minor sin, and at least I could walk across the floor without my feet sticking to something. And besides, she has a kid to support.

The last time I got any housekeeping support like that was when I hired Savannah about three years ago before she got sick. I couldn't afford it, so I had to go back to my haphazard care taking.

But finances aren't as tight as they were then. And when I view spending a little to actually get my weekends back to do yardwork, writing, craft projects, sewing, remodeling, and to actually force myself to deal with my paper piles rather than just piling. "She'll need to dust this, I better put these is the filing cabinet. Or I don't want anybody to read this, better put it away." I came to the conclusion long ago that not every woman is a domestic goddess, specifically me. I only do it because I'm afraid of making myself or my cat sick and I like having company over. That being said, it's still going to be completely unacceptable to actually hire somebody. Mom will lay on the money guilt trip. I can't afford it. I do need to get the car insurance straightened out, but I think it's a question of can I afford not to hire?

Well, it's one of those rare federal holidays that we have to work. So there probably won't be much job related that I have to do. I packed enough to keep busy, so that's not an issue.

I read this article Mez recommended, http://www.sfwa.org/bulletin/articles/dietz_summer_2005.pdf. I will be incorporating some of his ideas, and I've also been reading Holly Lisle's advice. Which leads me to the question which to concentrate on: short stories or novels?

I have short story ideas, but I really fail with researching markets. Novels take longer, but have a longer shelf life so to speak. I know you can make money off of short stories but you have to hustle, and hustling is what I suck at. I have some stories planned for specific markets, but otherwise no drive to actually work on them. However I'm wanting to pick up with Zy's novel again. I think she's got potentiality to become a series character.

I guess it is less of a question than I thought. Course I haven't had a chance to work on the outline for Zy's novel, and work computer can't download anything on it. Well I have homework to concentrate on first.

Deadline Projects: ENGL-575 assignments, ENGL-611 assignments, Acadiana Faire's resource guide, and Zy's novel.

Due dates:
ENGL-575 Research proposal and working bibliography due Oct. 17th
ENGL-611 Research project (Bibliographical essay?) due Oct. 20th
ENGL-611 Presentation on Jonson (are we still going to do this?) due Oct 20th
ENGL-575 First draft due Oct. 31st
ENGL-575 Presentation on Hyungji essay due Nov. 21st
ENGL-575 Revision due Nov. 21st
ENGL-575 Precis due Nov. 28th
ENGL-575 Final project presentation due Dec. 5th
ENGL-611 Major paper (due date not finalizied) due Dec. 8th
ENGL-575 Final Draft due Dec. 12th
ENGL-611 Major paper (due date not finalizied) due Dec. 15th
Acadiana Faire Resouce Guide 2006 (rough estimate will be revised) due Feb. 1st
Zy's Novel due Oct. 10, 2006

Though I have decided that one day a week is dedicated to something without a deadline. Especially with the previous resource guide I was driving myself batty after months of looking at nothing else. I reserve the time for fun now before I get started. Now let me get started reading so I can get started typing above and beyond what's due.

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The BookWorm

Halloween costume

Taking a break from scanning resource guide pictures to actually type something, which will probably need to be cross posted in the Garb Closet.

I thought about redoing the Eowyn refugee dress, or make any of the others. But then I haven't copied myself once in five Halloweens. All of Chad's suggestions were good--if I had a group to participate at work. I don't, and they know they're party poopers.

So I decided to jump ahead and work on Christine de Pizan. I already have the prop. "I am Christine de Pizan, perhaps you have read my book?" I want to do it anyway, it's on my list, I should be able to breath if I make it right. And if I'm needed to play on a medieval street, I'm ready to go.

Here's a page from a costumer who has done Christine de Pizan. That is the color scheme on all the illuminations you find of her, so it will be mine as well.

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The BookWorm

And I'm not through yet

But if the pile of notebooks, papers, books and cat theat's on my desk fall on me it will probably end my night will quick.

I've stuck to my guns, you're from me now because it was the first chance I had to spend five minutes on fiction. Chad is trying to encourage me to spend longer, I will go back once I'm finished with the Resource Guide. That's the goal for this weekend. I'll probably need to kill my mother or pretend I don't exist.... If I had a laptop I think I would run away from home which is sad really. But I'm trying not to dwell on that.

Savannah's funeral was today. It went well. If there will be more fireworks from it and complex family relations remains to be seen. Eventually I'm going to have to write on this family drama if just to get some healing closure for myself through fiction. I don't think it's going to happen soon. I'm too close to the material.

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The BookWorm

Blog changes

Well you may have to scroll down to see it. Yes, the pretty technicolor graphs. Brighten up the place, don't they?

It's all Mez's fault, but in a good way. I NEED to be in my own face with everything on the list. Maybe I should move them up, though I kind of hate messing up with the archive and recent posts lists now that they seem to be working how I want them to. I added them to Discipline Under Fire too.

I know I can't work on everything at once (as tempting as that maybe). Well, everything but the submissions list. So don't be surprised if it takes a while for one of the graphs to show some actual movement. Now how to graphically represent submissions?

I'm also going to try not writing to this blog until I have typed at least five minutes on a story. I'm working my way up slowly, and trying to keep it short enough not to get in trouble at work. I'll be posting my daily progress at Discipline Under Fire, but don't be surprised if I change projects. Today starting this, I had to work with what I had with me at work--not necessarily the first thing I need to be working on. The commute will continue to be whatever my brain latches onto and doesn't get me in a wreck.

Yep, I kept fanfiction off the list. Hard but not hard, in a way. I've been commuting to those worlds for so long now it's a well worn route. Especially compared to trail blazing to a new story. It's lazy, but there you have it. I have a lot of lazy tendencies, so it's no surprise I have one in writing too. But right now I need to concentrate on the hard and get over this slump I have.

It's almost lunchtime and I've got to get the resource guide finished this week. So toodles. One more question though: should I turn on the comments in Discipline Under Fire? I was going through a negative period when I started it and didn't want to lash out at anyone. Now I doubt that I'll ever be in a spot for any kind of feedback, so I'm thinking about it. I could always turn off comments on posts I'm not ready to hear anything about.

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The BookWorm

Writing demons?

I have reread my entire blog trying to find a book with dealing with writing demons. I thought it was Page After Page, but I can't find it. Maybe I copied it on the computer. I didn't check there. It would help if I could remember the title of the book.

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Savannah Sharp

Date of birth: January 6, 1988

Date of passing: October 3, 2005 4:07 p.m.

This is the last picture I have of her. Taken sometime in April or May.



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Enough for today

hey, I don't blame you if you don't want to read the previous post. If I'm going to embrace the angst I should embrace the angst. Or does that just fuel it.

Regardless, it looks like I finally have a HOME link. I only worked on it most of the day Friday. Though I think it only works when you go to the separate page post. Better than the nothing I had before.

I've wasted lunch hour regardless. Do the paying job junk and then typing madly on the resource guide.

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Don't stop; can't stop...

and I wonder why I'm so tired all the time?

I should also know to wait to read anything as contentious as fanfic writing opinions before all my brain cells are awake. Yes, I did read the link, and valid points are made on both sides. Did reading it change anything about how I view fanfiction and the writing of it? Nope. I wrote original first and will write it last. But I only put my best efforts on the Internet, and that goes for both. I hope I can take Bradley and Lackey's view of playing when it turns around on my writing.

Last update I had on Savannah was yesterday: they did lastik on her to get rid of the fluid build up from her non-functioning kidneys. The stomach port for nutrition is in and stable. Parents decision, they decided feeding her wasn't part of the live support Savannah said she didn't want. I can't stay around the Sharp side of her family for very long. My jaw will unlock and will tell them off. They want to try all life-support because "people come out of comas all the time." First off, you people didn't even spend anytime with Savannah to learn what she felt about life support. Second, coma, persistant vegitative state, whatever Terry Schivo had wrong with her is not the same thing as organ functioning stopping. To compare those cases with Savannah's case is delusional hope. I know they're hurting too, so I just walk away.

How true is it that I thrive on stress? Not very I guess. I miss Chad like hell, and turn into screaming shrew woman when I do get time with him. The movies were fun, feeling like a real date. Being cranky and screaming over a stupid "what's wrong with the system" conversation hardly says I love you. I don't know how to stop doing it. Hell, I don't even know why I picked up that behavior out of all others from my father, especially how much I hate it in him. Okay, now I just hope that I'm super tired and just over analyzing it like I always do.

Meanwhile, along with my cousin is dying and there's nothing you can do demon, the social system is all fucked up and I want to do something and there's nothing I can do demon, and the dysfunctional girlfriend who doesn't deserve a boyfriend to yell at demon, I have all the evil writing related demons bashing me and fueling my yelling hysterics. It's almost enough to make me wish I was a weepy hysteric instead. Crying seems like so much more normal reaction than burning rage. And with as much analysis as I put into how I feel, I don't understand why I'm having such a block with literary criticism. Screw it, I'm not reading all that (the assignment for today) in one frickin' day. I'll wow her with the paper.

September 30 analysis written in a notebook:

the car ride home and it's time for my daily reflection to the sounds of Metallica and San Francisco Orchestra; gotta love the S&M album.

So what's bothering me today besides the pinched nerve in my neck and lack of sunglasses (I figure they're in my black bag on the back seat I must empty it someday)? Same thing bothering me every ride home, Pinky. My writing career.

I had a productive day today for nonfiction. Deadlines and slack work time are a blessing. That thing called sleep probably isn't going to happen this weekend. I'd be having a typing marathon [didn't happen I ended up at the hospital with my cousin], up early to get Chad [sorta happened with a lousy definition of "early"], put in toilet [actually we got this one accomplished! Now we just have to find the tiny leak on it], finish typing [stop laughing this is my delusional-ish self-reflection], two movies [both were very good escapism which I desperately needed by that point], taking Chad back [I finally got to type at his mother's]; you get the idea what my weekend looks like.

Anyways, productive for nonfiction. My car time, when not spent in self-reflection, has been useful for a TMNT fanfic experiment--which I think is just an excuse by me to not deal with transitions--and for a revision rewrite of the prologue for my webcomic idea. I'm thinking I can offer it for sale on my website if it's good enough. No just cause I don't intended it for magazine sales doesn't mean it can be substandard. The two or three short story ideas for magazines have been holding stagnant, and I want to work on Zy's novel again. But I've still been productive.

Yet it doesn't feel productive. I'm tired all the time and can't justify spending time on housework or homework, much less writing. SLU English Department is starting a writing group meeting at 3pm. Everything they do is in the fucking middle of the day. I know I need to yell louder to have my needs met as a student, but trying, but trying to raise enough energy throught the demons yelling that their lack of sympathy is just proof that I'm not part of the group and will always be exiled. Never hired, never a member of the group with a valid opinion. Outsider wanting to be part of the cool crowd once again. [Most of this brought on by Thursday night drama that left me with equal parts of "I'm supposed to have something in common with these people" and "grow up already." Added to the residual disappointment over the job opportunity.]

Look don't tell me it's stupid feeling that way even slightly. I know it's stupid. But I also can't help thinking it when I'm depressed over the fact Chad and I were supposed to be in classes at the same time this semester and here I am eating alone while everyone else is in that happy bliss of college life and my classes suck and the only think I'll probably get out of them is which 17th century writer make good quotes. And add to that I will never get away from the soul-sucking commute cause the job employment gods hate me. Fun being in my head isn't it? [No, I really don't expect that to have a positive answer.]

What's wrong with me? I'm not even sure if a writing group will help. Forward Motion just added to my stress. I read a rant by Scott Kurtz in how he found his creative spark and hasn't missed a day of PvP since. I want that. Desperately.

I should go reexamine Heather Sellers advice on dealing with demons and calling the muse back. And I better do it soon before I have a nervous breakdown over my writing career.

Yeah, I made up my mind after that to pull a marathon typing sessions coupled with some self-help reading and delivery pizza. And my parents called just as I was eating my first slice.

My first conclusion from rehashing this is I need a good grounding and a nap. In more long term help I found this advice today from Carolyn Hax:

Your best chance of finding peace with others is to make some peace with yourself, by accepting a less-than-perfect aspect of your personality, making the best use of it, being careful not to take it out on others, using all this as a way to like your less-than-perfect self -- and then letting your critics love it or leave it.

Yeah that last bit is something I need to work on. Along with dealing with my residual outcast back-lash. I don't need everyone to love me, just the ones I know already do.

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The BookWorm