Have I Spent Any Weekends at Home This Month?

Out of town to see friends this weekend, and hopefully we can squeeze in Oz: the Great and Powerful. I survived last weekend's trip with my parents, and got more writing done than I feared I would, and picked up some smoke but managed to keep it off the papers for the most part, yeah! But as I passed the pile of cans to take to recycling that haven't left yet while I got in the car this morning, I couldn't remember when I was home last to deal with that stuff. I could look up my previous weekend plans, but more trouble than I want to go through for an answer. I'll just have to stay home next weekend.

I'm slowly catching up on reviews that I've been procrastinating on since the funeral. The "I'll do that later" procrastination has tipped over into "you’re worthless scum for not doing that!" guilt; and I'm slowly battling past that to actually leave the reviews on the merits of what I read. And I haven't even faced Facebook yet. Next week, I swear.

So Google Reader is shutting down. *Sigh* Add finding a new RSS reader to next week's to do list. I've hit my resigned point over the news, and just hope I won't run into any headaches trying to move my feeds over to a new reader.

And that's all I have for today. Time to post this and concentrate on Strix: Forget the Sun.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Sitting Next to “Peter’s Laws” Poster is a Sign

I have an interview with a potential second job in less than an hour, and the Fear Monger and the Perfect Girl have ganged up on me. The Perfect Girl is freaking out that I don’t look professional enough, that I didn’t grab the reams of paper supporting items on my resume, and when I tried to wing it from memory, I only filled half a page of the resume. The Fear Monger is focusing on how I can’t afford this meal at Raising Cane’s and what will I do when I get rejected. Not “if” but “when;” the Fear Monger is such an optimist.

The decorating scheme of Raising Cane’s concentrates on framed movie posters and other pictures of pop culture significance along with some stuff for the town or university. I picked this booth to be out of the sun and sat down before looking at what was on the wall. Next to the Easy Rider movie poster is one titled “Peter’s Laws: The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Complusive.”

1. If anything can go wrong, Fix It! (To hell with Murphy!) The audacity of that statement shut them both up and I nearly laughed out loud. When I got to #5 Do it by the book… but be the author! I am convinced I need this poster in my home office.

15. Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary. Maybe a copy for the office cubicle too.

16. When in doubt: THINK! 17. Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing. I’m ready for the interview now.

8:00pm Update: I got the job! *Snoopy Dance*

Snoopy Dance taken from this page of Penny and Aggie.


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The BookWorm

Focus, don't have it

I remembered to turn on Bedtime Helper, went to bed on time, and STILL couldn't wake up this morning. I've had my caffeine fix and still want to curl up and go to dreamland. Usually by this point in the morning, my body has grudgingly accepted that we are going to stay functional and lets go. It's not working this morning.

There are too many lawsuits for me to play hokey. I haven't had a chance to work on them so far this week, thanks to other job duties. Same thing can be said for writing too. I think I'll let myself have one more can and then stay on water for the rest of the day.

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The BookWorm

Happy Summer Solstice

Remember when I said I couldn't count on extra time in the morning? That's because I'm not going to sleep until 10pm and not waking up on time since I haven't had eight hours of sleep.

The aggravation is my fault because I should be using the Bedtime Helper program on my computer to shut it off. If I had more sleep, I'd probably remember to turn it on. :p But nope, I've been relying on the office window cue and the sun hasn't been setting until 9pm.

So I'm celebrating the fact that we start losing daylight from this point until Winter Solstice. Happy Summer Solstice everybody!

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The BookWorm

This explains a lot

Take Back Your Attention

What I find truly scary is how oblivious we are to the creep of distractions. I got more writing done yesterday because I was away from a computer than I did all four days I was off last week.

The average for what fits on a handwritten page is 250 words. I can change my 500 words a day goal to 2 handwritten pages and still count when I type. Because I'm not writing with the status quo at all. And there's nothing wrong with the thinking the story up process (yesterday's outpouring is proof of that), so the problem is keep my attention span off the "ooh, pretties" on the computer long enough to get it done. :p

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The BookWorm

Big Rocks or Scheduled Tasks?

Today's the day to review if the schedule works or if it needs more tweaking. So far the only thing to tweak is my ability to stick wih it. If I don't go to bed on time, I don't wake up on time. Nearly everyday but Tuesday, I've had issues with this. The nice thing about this schedule is I jump right into what I should be doing after a minute of making the bed.

After too many days of missing my Byetta dose, I've decided to move it to breakfast instead of supper and eat before leaving the house.

Yesterday, I found this post on setting a minimum standard: Thinking Small without the Guilt. The daily To Do list is my minimum standard now, and I felt pretty good about that. Then I took a look at my Big Rocks. Big Rocks is a concept from Zen to Done at Zen habits. I've been using it for nearly two years now to plan my week.

Only without me realizing it, the Big Rocks list has become everything I want to do on ongoing projects instead of what I can and will finish this week. See. I know why I do it; I have an overdeveloped sense of fear of being bored. Mom related a story of how one of my teachers in elementary school berated her at Open House because I was bringing college-level books to class to read and when she took the "too old for me" books away, I colored my fingernails with crayons. My mother answered "Kindra's bored silly, so let her read the books we're letting her bring from home."

So it's no stretch when I'm doing my weekly review to jump in with "what are you going to do if you finish that?" and the next thing I know twenty-three slots are filled. *headdesk*

First step: move the items that have a scheduled day to the daily schedule. That opened up four slots.

Second step: identify what items have a deadline.

• Steampunk story - pen
• Bridesmaid dress - H
• TM_Challenge 12 entry - pen
• FFGarret WT #13 - web
• FFGarret EL #13 - web
• Edit Hyrueliana - pen

So this takes me from twenty-one items to six. And keep me from getting lost in the sea of projects. Everything not on this list needs to move back to the projects lists and wait for an opening.

That was pretty painless once I actually looked at things rather than just carry the items forward a week. See the new version.

The A-Team this weekend and the last of the sewing! *Crossing fingers.*

Read Free!
The BookWorm

June Already

It’s gotta be better than May, right? We have oil spewing in the Gulf, hurricane season has started with predictions of a repeat of the 2005 season, and we’re supposed to go live with a new system at work by the end of the month. Positives: making tweaks to the schedule, Suzanne and Eric are getting married, I think I can make the deadline for the steampunk story.

Tweaking the schedule: it is good to follow my To Do list, but chores make a lousy reason to get up in the morning. Stepcase Lifehack asks Do you have a morning ritual? and I had to answer "not really as such."

And as hard as it is for me to get up most mornings, I think I need to heed their advice and find something I want to do. This ties into my To Do List actually.

Step One: Draft a short list of the things you do each morning and what you'd like to add. I already have this list as my Daily Chores on my To Do list.

• Exercise
• Writing hour
• Website Hour
• Make bed
• Wash dishes
• Empty inbox
• Empty Gmail and LiveJournal Inboxes
• Budget
• Weekly chores
• Get dressed
• Pack breakfast, lunch and snack
• Commute

Granted, if I don't finish this list before going to work, I can finish it through the day. But out of these items I can see what I'm not crossing off consistently or what I can add.

What I'm not hitting consistently list is much shorter:

• Exercise
• Writing hour
• Website Hour
• Empty inbox
• Budget

Too often, I'm using the weekend to catch up on what I missed during the week and skipping exercise altogether.

I got rid of the inbox by adding a “budget” and a “needs filing” folder to my box of 42 folders. The plan is to empty those every day and not keep a basket full of paperwork I just keep on my desk.

Step Two: Figure out how much time it'll realistically take to do everything on your list. This is where I think I fall down badly. I have no clear time of how long things should take in the morning, and let's face it trying to wake up doesn't help remembering how to do things.

Julie Morgenstern recommends timing yourself doing routine tasks because you probably don't know how long it really takes. When I read that advice, I realized I had no idea how long anything took to do, so I timed myself over a few days and took averages. The results:

• Make the bed = 1 minute
• Washing dished = 30 minutes
• Empty folders = 23 minutes
• Weekly chores = 45 minutes
• Budget = 30 minutes
• Getting dressed = 26 minutes
• Getting food = 11 minutes
• Exercise = 15 minutes
• Writing = 60 minutes
• Website = 60 minutes
• GRAND TOTAL = 301 minutes = 5 hours 1 minute

I get up around 3:00am and try to leave the house for 5:45am. So here I was trying to squeeze five hours of stuff into less than three hours, and then beating myself up for not doing everything. This hammered home how easily I can over extend myself.

Step Three: Adjust your wake time to accommodate your new ritual. This is the fun part. My first draft had me waking up at 2:30am. I’ve tried and it doesn’t happen, so 3am is the earliest and that means 8:30pm is the latest I can go to bed. That should be a big enough window to get everything done, right? If only I didn’t have to go to the paying job.

First thing to face: I can’t have a full hour of writing in the morning and clean house. But I can have thirty minutes.

June A.M. Schedule

• 3:00 = Wake up, Make bed, Wash dishes for 15 minutes
• 3:16 = Exercise
• 3:31 = Writing for 30 minutes
• 4:01 = Get dressed
• 4:27 = Get food
• 4:38 = Empty folders
• 5:01 = Weekly chores
• 5:46 = Leave for paying job

While at the paying job, I’ll clean out email inboxes, write and work on website projects as much as I am able. The evening schedule has to have more flexibility built into it because if I work late, getting anything finished is just a dream. I’m basing it on my usually and preferred habits.

June P.M. Schedule

• 5:00 = Arrive home, Take medicine, eat supper
• 5:45 = Wash dishes for 15 minutes
• 6:00 = Budget
• 6:30 = Finish writing hour, website hour, or special project
• 8:15 = Set stuff out for tomorrow, Get ready for bed
• 8:30 = Go to Bed

That only thing inflexible is the bedtime and that I need to do what I have listed. If I end up running late, I can borrow time from the one hour forty-five minutes section before starting the bedtime routine.

Step Four: Go through your list each morning for at least two mornings before making adjustments. So by Friday I should know if this works or not.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

A fire alarm is great way to start a Friday

So in the office with my supervisor trying to solve a problem with the online payments statement and the fire alarm goes off... at 8am. Spend the next 45 minutes outside waiting for the all clear. It wasn't a drill but the building didn't burn either.

I had to stop at Wally World before work this morning and bought two pairs of jeans in a 16. Going up instead of down. I'm not happy with weight gain, but the concept of watching what I'm eating flew out the window a few months back. I'm stressed over money and I run to my cravings when I'm stressed.

Next week I really start five minutes of exercise every day.

Amazing how a simple thing like getting more sleep can make you feel so damn good. This week has been filled with irritants and I have been sailing above all of them. Now I still haven't caught up on doing stuff at home, so this weekend will be fun attempting to do just that.

Stuff to finish:

• Bloodwork
• Corset
• Cutting out the mock-up for bridesmaid dress
• Mock-up for bridesmaid dress
• Dishes
• Budget
• Empty inbox of all financial papers
• Catch up on website hours - edit Ref. Wiki images
• Catch up on writing hours - edit LJ header file with proper word counts

I'd like a clean slate of a house to start next week off with. That will be a novelty.

Rewards for finishing a project:

• Watching Castle
• Watching V
• Watching the Good Wife
• Watching NCIS: Truth or Consequences
• 30 minutes of video game play for each finished project once I run out of TV shows

Budget needs to become a daily item on my To Do List. Basically because I am a stupid twit and will ignore it until I'm in trouble. Hopefully daily reminders will keep the accounts balanced.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

New Week Must Be Better

Somebody explain to me how this happens on the biggest pair of work pants I have in my closet? I understand thread breakage if the waistband is straining to go around my torso, but that does not describe how these pants fit that are now held on my a safety pin.

I've reached the conclusion that I should restart my exercise and eating primal regime on April 1st. I'm hoping the Feast of Fools were make my contrary nature behave itself.

Hmm, I don't think I can play with Mediafire while at work. I maybe wrong but Regulator sure goofed up after I downloaded a fanmix.

Yeah, I had a slew of computer issues at work that kept me from typing up the blog posts I had written last week. Now I'm glad I skipped them because my angst that I'm a despicable human because I can't keep a clean kitchen gets old and shouldn't be inflicted on other people. The useful bits:

• Not going to bed until the list was finished was keeping me consistent.
• 15 minutes is long enough for most chores.
• Perfect Girl sees I fell off the wagon and prefers keeping me pressed down in the dirt because I will never, never, ever catch up to the damn wagon so why bother. Unfortunately, she only gets halfway through her statement before the ADD Kid who hates feeling bad gets distracted by a pony ride and we're gone to do that instead.
• The only way to make Perfect Girl shut up is to do what she's telling me I can't out of fear of failure.
• And yes, it takes a week of reflection to realize the above four points. Last week was a doozie is my only defense.

So I have been stabbing at the chores in 15 minute intervals. Some days have gone better than others. What really screws me up is going to bed too late.

I need to break down and buy blank tapes and figure out if the VCR connection is right to tape Direct TV or get a DVR option. Because it doesn't look like they will be moving the shows I'm addicted to to a saner viewing hour for me. :p

The next two weekends have much of wedding craziness filling them. I'm only a bridesmaid, so it's not like I've neglected to tell anyone about a major development in my life. :) But it does mean I need to sew Thursday or Friday nights.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Last Week, Last Month

Thirty-three years old. Time management is still a work-in-progress, so is scheduling. And communication.

Friday: my birthday overall was good. My coworkers took me to lunch, but then I had to work overtime for an hour and got stuck in traffic for two. Got home to no Suzanne yet. Call Mom. She wanted to take me to supper when Dad's available, and no Lipizzaner Stallions tickets because I made plans with Suzanne. I couldn't afford the show, so no flying, leaping horses. :( Hopefully I'll catch them about twenty years from now when they come through again. And there's my communication and scheduling issues example.

Saturday and Sunday: all my groceries take too much time to cook so we ended up eating out more than I had planned on. I knew we wouldn't get as much sewing done as we would like to, but I thought there would be enough time for cooking and sewing. And that would be time management issue example.

Progress on sewing: I have my bridesmaid dress material, and we got the second mock-up of Suzanne's chemise made. We decided on throwing out her bought corset because it does not fit properly. Victorian style may need help to adjust (make a few inches squish somewhere else temporarily) but one person should be able to get it on thanks to the closure in the front without lacing the thing every time. And I gave her a boost about slowing her mother down. There's no point to starting a mock-up for her wedding gown if the foundation garments aren't ready. Measurements change--especially with a corset.

I didn't keep up with marking off the to-do list during the week. I maintained what progress I had made, but nothing got ahead by leaps and bounds. Today wasn't the best start to a fresh start; I spent an hour hitting snooze. *Shakes head*

So now I'm at work and would rather be home with my energized self working on the home list. Since I'm at work, I have to gear up for the work list. It's not that I don't want to do that stuff; I just don't want to do it first. :p *shakes head again* Time to suck it up though.

Well, all my whining "i don't want to do it' is for naught. The mail finally came ten minutes before noon and we have been swamped ever since. March 1st is a deadline for taxes and company licensing paperwork, but it looks like this will be a day I never get to leave work.

Sadly, I wish that was a joke. It's already 3:30 and I'm just starting on my first batch. I usually leave at 4. But not tonight. And so much for my plans for cooking when I do get home. I'll be lucky to get there before I fall asleep behind the wheel.

5pm and still at work. Luckily, I think the end of the tunnel of mail is in sight. (Translation: 5:30 should have me looking for dinner and waiting for the traffic to clear.) Birthday dinner with parents is getting pushed back another day. *sigh* I shouldn't have thought of that, now Hungry is kicking in.

5:30 was overly optimistic. 5:20 and I have another twenty-five checks to do. And possibly another batch after that since I don't know what people have stacked on their desks. I'm not a batch stacked, so if it comes up that no one has grabbed the last batch in the bin, I'll have to do it. I'm hoping someone else gets to it first.

Oh I am an idiot! *headdesk* I bought a whole box of granola bars on impulse this morning at WalMart. Did I bring them up with me to snack on? Nope, still in the trunk. *headdesk*

At least the rain has passed through. Oh good, 6pm is cut-off time and we can go home!

6:30 - stopped at Raising Cane's for supper and to let the traffic go away. Left there at 7. Made it home through sluggish but moving traffic around 7:45. No Castle so I tried to start on my computer/website work. No connection to the Internet. I tried every trick I know to get the connection back, no luck.

Call AT&T DSL tech support. Did not time how long it took to get to a person, but once I did it took us about an hour to get me registered again so the connection would work.

When I saw no Castle, I thought I'd have an early bedtime. I ended up going to bed the same time I would have if Castle had aired and I watched it. :p

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Thinking About Rituals

Namely as explained in this post, how ritual helps your brain cope throughout the day and changing tasks. This shouldn't have to be lectured at me--after all that is why Ritual exists within Wicca. I suck at applying knowledge to daily life.

Undoubtably, one of the reasons I'm at such loose ends at the end of the day is because I haven't been following my GTD and making my weekly lists. But another strong possibility is the lack of ritual before bedtime. What I do now: eat supper while watching Bones on TNT (David Boreanaz in daylight *sigh*), spend an hour or two saying "ACK, I've got so much to do!" and finally go to bed. Not a productive use of time established? Good, moving on.

This isn't about filling every second of every day, but rather stopping myself from having that "ACK!" reaction. Deadlines don't care how drained you feel. And most days of the week, I'm not drained--just lost. So I decided to spend this week being mindful of what goes on in the time frame.

June 16: I decided to mindfully get some work done that I can't do on the paying job computer: building some website graphics. Sit down at the computer with the task firmly in mind. The issue was losing my temper over the computer taking fifteen minutes getting the program up for me to do anything1 I put myself on the timer so I'll remember to get up in move.

Question one: how much of my avoidance dance is not wanting to work and how much is it not wanting to get pissed off at my computer?

Once the computer got over being a sluggard, I got a few graphics done before bedtime. What I noticed besides the meltdown at the beginning: distracted by the TV. I reached the point where I was only working during commercials. Now my TV and computer are in two different rooms, so being distracted physically removes me from the office.

Question two: how necessary is it for me to turn the TV off?

June 17: I got three hours of Bones today, and I still think I missed an episode. (Double checked--I actually didn't, because they didn't give a whole episode to Booth's fake funeral.) When it got to episodes I have seen, I spent more time in the office. And one would think the time for the graphics program to go bugging would be after I had left it running all night and all day, but nope I never had any issues and finished all the website graphics I need at this point.

Since part of the issue is getting pissed at the computer, I think I'm best off turning on whatever the program I need while I'm concentrating on supper and Bones. That way I don't have to sit there and watch it be a sluggard and fume that my precious time and energy is slipping away.

And if the deadline is looming and/or I need to focus, I'm better off saving those projects for the morning or turning off the TV. Right now, the website revamp work I'm doing doesn't take that level of concentration so I don't feel bad for jumping up and watching what unexplained images Ghost Hunters International came up with.

I still have to see how tonight and tomorrow night goes. Now, I have some lunch and maybe go foraging for more food. Needed a bigger salad.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Because I need to remember this!

1) Hold onto the things that make life fun for you. Don’t let yourself get so immersed in your work that you give up your hobbies. Force them into your schedule. If you’re just staring at a computer getting nothing done, get up and do something completely unproductive that you love!

2) Make time for relationships. I’m really blessed that I actually like my in-laws, so spending a week with them was great. It helped me ask what was missing from my life. If you’re spending whole days on your own or just with your partner/family, you need to get out. Try to do something with people other than the ones you live with at least once a week.

3) Talk yourself through the guilt you’re feeling. I found cognitive behavioral therapy a real life-saver when I was depressed. I still use some of the concepts, like writing down why I feel guilty. I was able to see that I felt guilty because I worried that if I didn’t work all the time we wouldn’t have any money and I would never be successful. Came up with a whole list of fears. So then I’d write lists of facts, like that our income was greater than our expenses. And that I wrote better posts when I’d spent time away from the computer. And that since I didn’t have a billion clients, I didn’t have 24/7 work available anyway.

4) Leave things alone. I learned that my blog doesn’t stop getting visitors even if I don’t have a new post every day. I don’t even have to login and neurotically make sure the plugins are all up-to-date, etc. I don’t have to leave comments if I don’t have the time and energy. Don’t leave them alone forever, of course, but be aware that the world doesn’t stop running when you step away from the computer…which is good.

Realities of Freelancing: You Set Your Own Hours - by MrsMicha

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Conquering Procrastination

*Snort* I meant to start this post yesterday. Yeah, the patheticness of that is not lost on me, thanks.

So strategy to conquer the procrastination? Do I even have one? Can I even implement one?

I’ve gotten really good at making my weekly to do list, and recognizing what Big Rocks and everyday chores need to be done. The problem is I’ll still leave it on the list for weeks not doing it. Scolding myself is ineffective and nagging guilt sends me running to something that doesn’t make me feel guilty. Which just keeps the procrastination ongoing.

I will admit to piling too much on my plate. I just counted up eighteen things that qualify as Big Rocks on this week’s to do list, but only six are identified as Big Rocks. Frell. So how come whenever the “too much to do ack! Runaway!” is tripped, it doesn’t alert the rest of my consciousness? A memo would be nice.

Okay, so let’s by shuffling the to do list. From an older copy of the file I had on the flash drive no less. Now on my current printout, correctly identify all Big Rocks. Next step is to make a space big enough on the sheet to hold them all. Now I need to tweak the format so it will print out on one sheet.

That done, and now the Big Rocks don’t seem to be panic inducing. I still have too much on the list, but all in one spot instead of scattered on different days gives me the illusion of control at least. I’ll take it. So now that they are in one spot, what is wrong that I keep not doing them?

Finances: 7
Planning reviews: 3
Writing: 3
Exercise and Health: 3
School: 2

Why is it finances that seem to be the big honking one I don’t do? I obviously need to move some of those to the Master List of Finance Projects to get to later.

In less serious news, I finally have enough money to complete the set of plastic stackable drawers of doom for my home office, Sterlite quit making them. I even checked their website. Which totally sucks because I already have four and have not found a replacement style that stacks with those four for the other seven I want.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Crap, a whole new month

I never intend to go missing or stop doing things or just plain procrastinate what is on the list to do. I don’t know how to make it stop or rather how to stop doing it.

Today has been fun. While practicing cover-my-own-ass, I ended up bringing down some heat on other people. Totally unexpected consequences but I’m unrepentant about my first response and how high up it went. I actually wasn’t yelling to get moved to the front of the line, but yelling because the procedure is broken and needs to be fixed.

Continuing on this theme: February 7, 2009

I have so avoided anything at SLU for going onto a second month. I’ve been reading, but haven’t found anything to write on! And it’s making me feel very panicky. That makes me want to dive headfirst into fiction and not come out. I’m actually compromising on that feeling with this post.

Problems with Faulkner: I think it stems between the difference between a critic and a writer. A critic studies literature for theme and with the literary theory readings (seen through Freud, New Criticism, Feminism, etc.). A writer studies literature to figure out how can I do what the author does to use in my writing. There’s some overlap, but overall two very different outcomes. I’m a writer being forced into producing criticism.

Yes, I had classes on this, and I still took the stance of a writer/detective fan and how the character did not work for me. I even quoted Van Dine’s rules. Then I get into the whole loop thinking of how can I produce anything on Faulkner that the pros haven’t done better? I should have sucked up my dislike of the other professor and worked on the Dante paper instead. I should have seen if I could’ve restarted a fiction thesis this semester! *Sigh* Too late now.

Looking at my schedule. I have two hours open now, but I can’t completely avoid the fiction. I NEED fiction. So I’m stealing away at least fifteen minutes on fiction, as a keeping me from going crazy. I hope this works.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

What Makes Tuesdays So Hard

I got up yesterday full of energy and mostly ran on time. Got to work on time, despite finding out that both my headlights had burned out (drove with the brights on which still worked and hated every minute of it. I apologize to everyone’s whose eyes I hurt). I started feeling sluggard throughout the work day, but I got through telling myself I needed to make my stops, cook dinner, and early bedtime. I broke down and bought dried pineapple at Wal-Mart, and the sugar rush got me home.

Got home too late to change the headlight lams and felt completely unmotivated to do anything. Cooked the ginger chicken with stir-fried veggies, but only ate a couple of bites. Went to bed at 9:30pm and then had a fit trying to fall sleep. That took anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour; I didn’t watch the clock.

The end result being I was only able to pull myself out of bed with enough time to get dressed, get lunch, and cook supper since I won’t have energy tonight to cook. I even washed dishes while I was waiting on the oven. It was like a cascading pattern of lateness. Which leads me to my question, why is Tuesday so hard? What makes it so hard? It’s supposed to be Monday. The whole world stereotypes Monday as the worst day of the week.

Today, I’ve drunk less caffeine—just in case that was it. I can go straight home and nuke supper—no stops to make. I’ll be sure to eat a handful of nuts before I walk out the door for my homeward commute. And hopefully, I’ll get home with time to do headlights.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Err, crossing things off the list should happen at some point

If I ever manage to participate in NaNo again, it will be because the rest of my life has burnt to a crisp.

I have caught up on nothing. Nothing, I tell you. At this point, I’m seriously going to look in a rent-to-own business and see if they have a portable dishwasher to rent. One week and the pile at the sink would be gone. Then I’d just need to keep up.

*Raspberry* Yes, I know that’s what I tell myself every time I let the dishes pile up on me. I hate washing dishes. I hate forcing myself to do it.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Return to what passes for normal around here... I think

So NaNo is over, graduate exam is over, November is over. After the graduate exam yesterday, I spent the rest of the day in a recovery fog that still hasn't lifted completely.

Oh and just because I can.


One thing I learned that I didn't put on my list at Discipline Under Fire--my writing is more important than graduating. I didn't get my reading materials together until Sunday afternoon November 30th. And instead of stopping and reading for the test, I finished NaNo and then read. I didn't finish all the articles and there was no memory of titles or authors when it came to the exam itself. But then I NEVER remember titles and authors, I have to constantly refer to the source material when I write. :p

It did strike me that I was nuts to bounce between the two at some point that night (because I would spend fifteen minutes writing and then fifteen minutes writing), and I went straight back to writing. And it's true what I told my fellow exam takers, I want the Masters' but my career doesn't depend on it. I'm not continuing for a Ph.D., I'm not leaving state employment unless they make me and they don't care what I have degree-wise, and nobody in the publishing industry is going to care either.

And if you think this realization helped my stress levels at all, you are sadly mistaken.

That aside, I still want to wear the goofy robe and march down the aisle. I want to give my coworkers an announcement and hopefully get paid back for what I've given to their kids graduations. I've put in some hard work and I will enjoy it.

We all came out of the exam feeling we had been set up for a massive fail. If we do fail, we have another shot at it in the spring semester with the same reading material. Granted, I accept the fact that I handicapped myself in the reading. But that's not why I feel like I burned. I blame that on the methodology of the exam. You have to read the chosen novel and a dozen chosen critical articles about the novel. Then they ask you an essay question about the novel and you need to support your answer with at least three critical articles. But you can't bring any materials in with you. No copies of the articles are provided either. You have to remember everything about them to answer a question that you had no idea about when you read the material. After spending so many years writing papers with everything in front of you.

Epic fail might be a stress-induced exaggeration, but unfairly slanted isn't. I wouldn't have been able to remember names and titles, even if I could recite the articles. I find out what the outcome is next week. How I would fix it. Give us all semester to read the materials. A week before the exam, okay here's the question now chose your supporting articles, but no pre-writing. Then you can bring in the bibliography with your articles marked off and that's it for the two hours of exam writing time.

So now is the time to pull together all the other projects and figure out what to do when.

Websites need to be updated. Writing projects need to moved on to. House projects need to be budgeted for. ... I'm exhausted just thinking about that little bit. *Sigh*

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The BookWorm

Procrastination Makes Me an Idiot

My graduation with a Masters has probably fallen back to May 2009. If I’m lucky, I won’t have to pay double (becoming a stupid tax). If I’m lucky, I can still finish my graduation exam and the final, final paper this semester (Unless they have a more awesome way to graduate next semester).

How did this happen? Part of it was the week lost to Gustav. I had planned for that week to go to SLU and get everything in line, instead, the state went into emergency mode for a week.

Yeah, but you could have picked up all planning on September 8th? This is where I was a damn lazy git who floated along with inertia. Kept telling myself I’d find a paper tomorrow, I’d email tomorrow, I’d go to campus tomorrow. Until it was October and I woke up.

So now I have three emails I’m waiting for responses on, and have scheduled a trip to the campus on Tuesday to turn in my study carrel and see if I can still use the gym (I paid through Dec. 2008 but I’m not taking classes). And I’m going through the computer files for a paper I’d like to expand.

I guess there lies the rub. I don’t really want to do any of them. Did I have my heart set on the fiction thesis too long? Is it fear that I’m going to be exposed as a horrid scholar and I’ve been faking it for my entire life? (This is an actual psychologist-studied fear. I just can’t remember what it is called.) Am I burnt out again or just bored and want something new? All of the above?

Regardless, I still want the diploma that I can hopefully use to leverage more pay at the DOI (not holding my breath though). If not, other opportunities maybe enhanced by being able to say “I have an English Master’s.” And I do feel a little disappointed in myself. It’s the exact same behavior I showed as an undergrad when my Scholars’ College these would not gel. But I don’t have the option of switching colleges and scraping by this time. Which is a good thing, I’d rather not reenact the nervous breakdown on the Dean’s secretary.

I’m not beating myself up about it, just ruefully wondering if I need an assistant/keeper. Maybe I’d be better with schedules if I worried about disappointing someone. Disappointing myself hasn’t made much of a difference. :p

Found four possibilities for final, final paper and the need to reorganize my SLU folder holding all the written drafts. Apparently, some semesters I didn’t bother with making a folder for the class. I wanted to have at least five and I should make it six since two choices have the same professor. My computer is acting up again: deciding what programs I should go to and not opening what I tell it to open. And it usually comes back to a script getting frozen in Firefox. Or Firefox deciding to freeze because I have too many tabs open. I can’t close them if I can’t read them! Add computer tweaking to the list of things to do.

Cleaned up the folder and I give up on the paper search. If I can’t make one of those four work, I got bigger issues.

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The BookWorm

Getting Over Inertia

An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

This is the problem with my life and why I succeed so well at procrastination. Once I get off my ass and do something, everything goes fine. Very few problems. I don't understand what I'm trying to avoid or accomplish with procrastination, so I'm putting the blame on physics. Thanks a lot, Newton. Today started horribly late but I'm making progress against the inertia. It's a start.

I didn't get as much accomplished last week as I had hoped (and this weekend felt like a complete disaster). Which I realized would happen, but I figured I was better off with everything listed before hand. I can usually finished about 40% of the week's Big Rocks. After calculations, I need to cross off eight items this week to be average. Halfway there already.

I can't seem to get my math working correctly today. Percentages just aren't working for me at all. I had to pull up an online calculator in order to figure out taxes on a receipt. :p Here's to more sleep and yoga helping out.

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The BookWorm

Perhaps Introspection Will Pay Off This Time

I have no doubt that I will slip into an old habit, or just don’t feel like keeping up with a hard won truth, and I’ll have to go through the whole process again. I’m deliberately not reading through the archives to see if I’ve had these particular revelations before.

Aggravations

I hate checking email.
Why?

• I get in trouble at work.
• I’m overwhelmed by all the junk mail.
• I don’t want to deal with any more AMF shit.
• Microsoft Outlook develops issues at home and doesn’t want to run right.
• There’s too much of it and no time to answer the ones I want to answer.
• I feel obligated and then guilty because I can keep up the obligations.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Mild annoyance except when I give into the avoidance strategy.

What can be done about it?

• Set a schedule and a time limit to check email. Before leaving for work but after at least one daily MIT, lunch time for personal Gmail, and when I get home before winding down for the day.
• Always delete the junk mail folder at the end of the day, everyday. Do not let it build up for a few months.
• Switch the website emails to filter through a Gmail account before coming into Outlook to cut down on the amount of junk mail.
• Once during the weekend, take thirty minutes and perform a task on the Reconfiguring Outlook project list or read through the DWL folder.
• Try this for the next month (May 18) before switching to another program.

I hate oversleeping.
Why?

• Throws off the whole day, and puts me in a foul mood.
• I usually don’t get to writing or exercising.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Minor nuisance.

What can be done about it?

• No caffeine after noon! And keep morning caffeine to under two cans, averaging one a day.
• Go to bed and get up at the same time everyday.
• Write regardless. Exercise can be moved to the afternoon when I get home.
• Set up a bedtime routine and stick to it.
• Turn the bedtime alarm clock back on.

I hate the commute.
Why?

• I get sleepy in the car.
• It’s time I could be spending doing something else.
• The price of gas and wear and tear on my car.
• Possibility of accidents goes up because I’m on the road so much.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuisance.

What can be done about it?

• Be sure I’m awake fully before driving.
• Drive more carefully.
• Buy the cheapest gas I can find.

I hate having a dirty kitchen that expands to the rest of the house.
Why?

• Mess just multiplies and you can’t ever stay ahead of it.
• I’m not poor white trash that lives in a sty!
• I waste time in cleaning frenzies that could be spent on other things.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Nuisance

What can be done about it?

• Follow the chore schedule that works beautifully.
• Stop taking housekeeping so seriously. It’s not bad until it’s a health hazard.

I hate feeling obligated.
Why?

• Because I must fulfill my obligations before I Can do anything for myself.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance

What can be done about it?

• Start saying no or quantify time promises and stop feeling guilty about it!
• Explore this feeling more.

I hate having no time to write.
Why?

• If I can’t write, why live?
• Writing should always come first and I can’t be selfish and put it first.
• I’m not a writer is I don’t write.
• Everything has to be done and I’m the only one here to do it.
• Writing only serves me.
• Until I get paid, it’s only a hobby. And I don’t deserve hobbies that cost money and time.
• I go foamy at the mouth if I don’t get to write.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major annoyance and wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

What can be done about it?

• Quit other obligations.
• Make writing time one of the daily MITs.
• Get my fucking priorities straight.

I hate running out of money every month and racking up overdraft fees.
Why?

• I’m a fucking financial ruin until I get it straight.
• The credit union has taken enough of my money that could have paid some of my debts off, or added to savings and not bounce payments anymore.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• Follow the budget.
• Save money so I can live on last month’s income.
• Stop beating myself up when I fall down.

I hate doing all the work on AMF.
Why?

• No one is really communicating with me anymore.
• I’m being used by just about everyone (and having it pointed out by impartial bystanders).
• People are going to make me the fall guy.
• I don’t know who to trust anymore.
• It’s not my dream, and it’s stealing time to work on my dreams.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• QUIT!

I hate hiding stuff because I don’t want to upset people.
Why?

• I get stressed because I don’t want to upset people.
• I feel like I’m living a lie.
• I don’t want to be hated, so I avoid telling people anything.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuisance, it’s a personal quirk effecting everything.

What can be done about it?

• Stop avoiding what makes me uncomfortable.

I hate hurting people.
Why?

• I shouldn’t press myself onto people.
• I’m tired of dealing with people, just leave me alone.
• I’m going to hurt them with what I’m asking for or what I have to tell them.
• They’re going to hate me.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuisance, it’s a personal quirk effecting everything.

What can be done about it?

• Stop avoiding what makes me uncomfortable.

I hate my bathroom.
Why?

• No shower.
• No sink.
• No real storage.
• Ugly sheetrock walls painted a hideous color.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance

What can be done about it?

• Remodel.

I hate being afraid.
Why?

• Honestly, I don’t know why I’m afraid of people hating me, being obligated to people, giving people bad news.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Nuisance.

What can be done about it?

• Stop avoiding things that make me uncomfortable.

I hate wasting time on the Internet.
Why?

• It’s time I could be spending on writing or anything else.
• Bad for my health. I should sit in front of the computer for hours.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuisance.

What can be done about it?

• Set time limits on Internet reading.
• Write first then play.
• Schedule get up breaks.

I hate having no free time.
Why?

• I can never be spontaneous.
• I always feel guilty about taking time off. I have too much to do.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• Recognize that I need free time every day and every week to stay healthy and sane.
• Schedule the obligations and the free time and keep the schedule.
• Get together with people once a month for dinner or an event.

I hate not sticking to any resolutions I make for myself.
Why?

• It means I’m a failure. I have so much to fix and I just stop trying to fix anything.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuiscance.

What can be done about it?

• Stop trying to fix everything that’s wrong at once.
• Concentrate on fixing one thing in a three month period instead of a month. Evidently, a month is not long enough to force a new habit.

I hate having to depend on the undependable.
Why?

• Because it means I have to do everything.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• QUIT depending on them.

I hate school.
Why?

• Financial stress.
• Loops I had no idea about jumping through with the school and Sallie Mae.
• This class is making me spend extra time on AMF and that stresses me out.
• I can’t find time to handle school business so I can graduate.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• Stop avoiding what has to be done.
• Make deadlines for the paper project.

Once that list was done, I pulled fifteen strategies to relief the stress out of it.

Strategies to Relieve Stress

1. Set deadlines for projects.
2. Use weekly Big Rocks and daily MITs.
3. Set a daily schedule for chores, email, and other things that pile up quickly.
4. No extra caffeine, and no late nights.
5. Write every morning for at least thirty minutes.
6. Use the bedtime alarm clock and set up a bedtime routine.
7. Use the chore checklist.
8. Start telling people no or be honest with what free time I have.
9. Quit AMF.
10. Follow the budget.
11. Stop beating myself up when I fall down.
12. Stop avoiding what makes me uncomfortable.
13. Set time limits on Internet reading and schedule get up breaks.
14. Concentrate on fixing one thing in a three-month period instead of a month. April – June is to fix writing priority.
15. Exercise on schedule. No skipping

Some are easier accomplished than others. Then I started scheduling. It was like doing a mind sweep and a calender at the same time. Then I transferred that list to the calender. Next I’ll need to update the chores checklist and SimpleGTD. I’m undecided whether to keep Joe’s Goals or not. I’m not very good at keeping it updated, and most of what I have to do will be established by Big Rocks and daily MITs.

It doesn’t sound like I’m concentrating on just one thing for the next three months, but really everything that is scheduled is writing related. My goal is to get my writing back into priority level one in my life. I’m optomistic that this hard look at my life will help me do that.

Read Free!
The BookWorm