Officially in Burnout

Date Started: March 19, 2026
Date Finished: March 29, 2026
Date Posted: April 4, 2026

My therapist called it in March 17th's session, but honestly I have been teetering on the verge of it for so long I don't remember what not burnout feels like. So confirmation basically and a call to action that my self-care to stave it off/cure it was not enough and I need to do more.

And by doing more I mean doing different and less.

There's a question after finding the above gif: what is the difference between a nervous breakdown and burnout?

Quick Google Search Later

Okay, a nervous breakdown renders an individual temporarily unable to function in daily life. A burnout is typically related to one's professional life and cumulative workplace stress. Probably because they measured professional caregivers but I didn't research that deep.

I'm still figuring out what I'm dropping or pushing back. My therapist suggested dropping down to three boulders or projects. Namely, I need to tweak Trello to figure that out. I did start rereading my notes on Laziness Does Not Exist and pulled out my copies of Dear Writer, Are You in Burnout? by Becca Syme and Burnout: the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski DMA. They also have a workbook that I should get.

The Nagoskis' definition of burnout:

1. emotional exhaustion - the fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long;
2. depersonalization - the depletion of empathy, caring, and compassion; and
3. decreased sense of accomplishment - an unconquerable sense of futility: feeling that nothing you do makes any difference

(page xi Burnout)

And they found those components from Herbert Freudenberger from 1975. It's older than I am. But they make the connection between burnout to all women because we have been indoctrinated with Human Giver Syndrome by the patriarchy. I learned about the Nagoskis' work through podcasts and ended up listening to their podcast The Feminist Survival Project, bought Burnout, and have continued listening to the Feminists Survival Project 2025, which expands on their work in the years since and under Trump 2.0.

So I'm not in a nervous breakdown because I can still function (get out of bed, get dressed, feed myself, go to work) but I am feeling those three components for sure.

Becca Syme I learned about from the author/writing podcasts. She's been on the Creative Penn Podcast twice (Dealing With Change And How To Build Resilience As An Author With Becca Syme and Loki Is In Charge. How Authors Can Thrive In A Time Of Transition With Becca Syme). Rachael Herron of Ink In Your Veins podcast raved about the results she had gotten from taking the CliftonStrengths test and the coaching Becca Syme offers. So I bought most of the books in her Dear Writer, series, took the CliftonStengths test, and followed Becca's Quitcast on YouTube.

I've read these previously back when I thought Trump 1.0 alone was the source of everything I was feeling or not feeling, not realizing what role family dynamics and trends picked up by society (If You Were Born Between 1976–1985, This Video Will Finally Make Sense of You) played on my self.

Tuesday, March 17: is when I had my meltdown while commuting and therapy session.

Wednesday, March 18: telling people about the burnout diagnosis and processing what I needed to do and change. I prioritized inserting meditation breaks into my work flow at the paying job on my therapist's recommendation. Trello also made some changes that I had to chip away at making while trying to figure out what my boulders are for March and April. My coworker with the broken leg came for a paperwork visit and will be out until May. Yeah, it was March and it got extended because of her health and that happened after my therapy appointment. My therapist flagged that I had probably hit one too many changes to cope with that contributed to pushing me over the burnout edge.

Ended the day shopping for Dad at Sam's Club.

Thursday, March 19: finished reformatting Trello and typing up this blog post. Told my supervisor about the burnout and what time changes I think I need (back to a 4/10s schedule). Supervisor took it to the deputy commissioner, so he has to make a decision about it now, but I will probably need to accept that I'm on 5/8's until May.

Friday, March 20: typed more of this blog post and worked on reorganizing my digital files, which was the first chance I had to work on them since the burnout reveal. Shopped at Sprouts, Walmart, Ross, and PetSmart for my shopping list with the goal of not leaving my house over the weekend.

Saturday, March 21: I listed out everything I had to do and everything I want to do. I have previously recognized that I only have eight hours of energy to give to the chores list that I use a timer method with and I try to keep the list in that range, but the list of everything filled up the entire page of a pad. And then I had to pivot to only doing chores and food prep to keep all the food I had bought and reset the kitchen. All of that on my plate so Sunday could be only what had to be done to stay alive and reading for my long-ass rest.

And I still said yes to taking Dad out to eat for supper, which I highly resented by the time that rolled around.

Sunday, March 22: I got distracted by Pinterest leading me to Uncommon Goods, so it took a while to settle back in the bed with the books. And I started writing more on this blog post.

My therapist wants me to narrow my projects. I need to make energy pennies to run myself and get out of burnout. My brain wants all the projects and already completed because of the Laziness Lie. I already know that's not possible but rereading those notes to jog that brain weasel's memory.

I color-coded my graph for the 24/7 Worksheet from Burnout. I do have 8 hours of sleep opportunity Monday - Friday as long as I go to bed at 8 p.m. It becomes 10 hours on Saturday and Sunday by extending my waking up to 6 a.m. I have to put 30 minutes of yoga every day on the schedule but will be stretching only to combat my tech neck and be a meditation session. I have two 90-minute blocks daily for chores, including grooming. Saturday is currently all chore time with yoga at the studio carved out, leaving Sunday full of active rest or just plain rest when not doing anything chore-like.

Dad's needs are not represented, which isn't accurate, but I can't cope with him if I don't put more rest into my schedule.

I did discover how necessary the meditation sessions are and how I have to guard against falling into my bad work habits. Tuesday, March 24, I had the whole day off from the paying job to deal with Dad's stuff and I used my free time to work on projects I haven't been working on for weeks and only had one meditation session and didn't take a nap. That was a mistake I will try not to repeat.

Also no eureka about how to shrink my projects yet. What are my projects? How do I shrink that list?

So trying to figure that out took the next week. Why did it take so long? Brain suffering with burnout doesn't run at full capacity. Not only do I have second shift after work with my chores, apparantly attentional residue (you never let go of a task because part of your brain is still managing it), and some fun third shift of anticipating what everyone around me needs before they need it and running mental simulations of how stuff may go. (YouTube: Psychology Of Xennials: Why You BURNED Out Before Anyone Noticed. My Trello board became a dumping ground of tasks on cards and how the hell to sort that?

I had to brain dump a couple of times, shuffle the cards on Trello, and kept looking for some advice on how to shrink the project list. Most of it was to focus on asking what serves the burnout sufferer's values and that's what the sufferer should prioritize.

Doing less is possible, majority of what I do aligns with my values, and that question doesn't help me decide what goes first. Because my poor foggy burned out brain says everything is equally important and I should have already finished it and moved onto the next thing on the treadmill. Oh, hello, Laziness Lie. You're not getting me to not rest. Rest is what I need.

What finally worked was realizing some things had external deadlines and I should prioritize based on the calendar and don't go above 7 items on the Big Rocks list. Seven has been that limit since last year, but I need to work in weekly check in so I actually see the number of Big Rocks go down each week.

Another thing that helped was realizing EVERYTHING I have to do can be categorized with:

• Constants = what has to be done to be functional human being.
• Deadlines = external due date that I need to remember
• No Deadline so just Nice-To-Do = most of what I'd rather be doing, hobby stuff, writing stuff, digital projects that will make my life easier but no external deadlines set by someone else or law

Constants need to be off the Big Rocks list. These are things like daily and weekly chores so my house doesn't become a sty, my health needs, and some of Dad's care-giving needs. Deadlines turned out to be the source of my OMG WHAT AM I FORGETTING THERE ARE THINGS I AM FORGETTING alarm that was not helping the burned-out brain recover.

Yeah, that's the one. So far, I have income taxes (April 15th) and refinancing my mortgage so I can remodel my house (May 31st). Both projects are big and scary enough to set off the alarm, and while the alarm wasn't helping me feel good, it was right that I needed to get cracking on them.

Nice-To-Do is a more cheerful way to identify the little and bigger projects that will be nice to have done, but don't impede my life at this point. Like finishing the rollout pantry. I can use it without the putty and painting it and buying the putty and primer has to wait on free money in the paycheck, so it goes here. Sadly, writing fic goes here too. And I have been focusing on this burnout research and consolidating it into this post when I have had writing time. I'm hoping now that it's done I can work on fic again.

Saturday, April 4: I finally got free time to post this post. So this is how March went.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Tales From the DOI

All in all, this week hasn't turned out as bad as I feared. Monday was the worst. In second place, Wednesday with the totally unnecessary and also not-admitted-by-the-culprit dash out to the parking lot because the smoke detectors went off. I'm guessing that Thursday is coming in at third worse since I'm still here at work trying to make paperwork get off my desk. So Tuesday was the best day and then I had to admit to the CCFairy that I had fallen off the finance wagon a bit.

Let's go in chrono order. Monday was buckets of mail. I was checking assessments and grouping them and didn't stop until 1pm, when I left for a post office run, lunch, and massage appointment. Post Office had line from hell, lunch was quick, and the massage was just what I needed. I hit the post office again after and managed to mail off my package. So feeling guilty natch, I called in. No one had done any batching on the assessments since I left. I processed 112 checks from 3:40 to 8.

Tuesday was catch up on what was left from Monday and I had no guilt about going home after my meeting.

Wednesday will not be forgotten because at 1:30pm the fire alarm goes off. Grab everything important and go down the stairs. When you hit the second floor landing, the smell of burnt popcorn hit you across your nose for daring to breath. There has already been a false alarm caused by someone burning up their popcorn once before, so to have to trudge across the hot parking lot to the safe zone for another episode of the same really ticked us off.

Turns out it wasn't popcorn, but rather someone's lunch that was left in the microwave until it caught on fire. That someone has also not come forward and admitted to walking away from the microwave, which pisses the rest of us off some more. Just apologize for your goof up so we can watch you like a hawk so the microwaves don't get taken away from the rest of us who brown bag. What's so hard about that?

Today, I'm staying late because tomorrow I will leave here on time and go straight to a movie theater and demand a ticket for The Dark Knight Rises. I'm hoping by getting a 4 or 5pm feature there will be seats available. But that also means getting the stupid paperwork done now. I'm actually on the stuff I batched today, WOOT! Maybe I'll get to sort out my inbox basket tomorrow.

Not letting the stress crack open can after can of diet soda caffeinated goodness has done the trick on returning my sleeping back to normal, even with the not leaving the DOI until 8pm. Time for me to finish things up so i can go bright and early tomorrow.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Time Scheduled For Me

I mostly got out of the paying job on time, leaving a new problem to deal with in the morning. Good news: I believe it is just a problem for one company (Thursday morning: found a second company with the same issue, damn.) and isn't indicative of another system wide issue (Thursday: it doesn't affect every company but it may necessitate the IT contractors tweaking the program again). But I'm not putting any money on that either. (Thursday: smart, I still had functioning brain power when I composed this last night).

My chiropractor realigned my back and I scheduled an hour-long massage on next Monday, which means I'll have to take off early. Oh darn, I'm so broken up and guilty about that. Especially since I spent today in so much pain and took Aleve just after lunch to make it through the afternoon. I haven't been able to write, edit, or tweak websites in three days and that is so not helping my mental state. Exercising has been hit just as hard.

So the massage, early bedtimes for the rest of the week (hasn't happened yet damn Daylight Savings Time), and squeezing in some creative writing are on my agenda to pamper myself. The weekend day of rest will probably end up being two. I'd love to slather on some suntan oil and lay out on the lawn and bake a while, but I'm keeping my options open.

In other news, I'm wading out into active website administrating after having dropped it for years. I made a stab at it before and it didn't stick. This time I decided to put 15 minutes six days a week and an hour on Saturdays to what needs doing. Procrastination has a harder time building up if I stick with that schedule.

The test sites are still the bane of my existence on the web. I created a local server on my old computer and the motherboard fried. I created one on my current computer and found I couldn't import the databases because they were too big.

So my latest bright idea: set up the development sites as subdomains with a copy of the database. And all I can get are 500 Internal error pages. My hour ran out before I could figure out what I did wrong. What I have discovered: "copy database to" works to create a new database with the same information. You can't make the database and chose it to write over it, even if you left it blank to do that. I don't know if the old database tables are what is frakking with the sandbox sites, but I haven't crashed the live sites while I'm getting this straight. When it gets too hot or rainy to sunbath Saturday, I'll be working on them again.

I'm relieved I've left the Library as static pages. Currently, my fifteen minute days are spent on it. The project list has developed into a lengthy one while I was ignoring the sites.

That wraps up everything I had wrote at supper Wednesday night. Thursday, my supervisor returned from her trip and proceeded to go handle supervisory things with the Assessment snafu (like yell at other department heads why in the new system we can't amend our assessments when the company sends us the paperwork we have always asked for). The decision was made to accept the overpayments and use the new refund system that nobody told us was going live. I warned my contact in the Fiscal division; the rest of them are on their own. Tomorrow I should be able to actually mail back payments for the companies who owe us zero second thing in the morning that I never got a chance to do today. I'm also hoping beyond hope to get a chance to write something fictional. Don't hold your breaths on that one.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Twelve-Hour Work Day

Started on July 9, 2012: It doesn't happen often, but when it happens it is killer. I'm typically the first one in at the paying job around 6:30am. My shift runs from 7am to 3:30pm with an hour-long lunch break. Today I didn't get to leave until nearly 6:30pm and I didn't get the full lunch break.

July 1st is the beginning of our assessment season. We mail the insurance companies invoices June 30th (or as near as the calendar allows, we fix the snafus as they appear, the payments trickle then gush in, and the Department gets its operating budget for the next fiscal year. But every year there is a snafu.

Last year was the Great Address Disaster, when we lost count of how many invoices the Post Office returned to us because another division decided keeping the addresses updated was too much work. This year is so much more worse. I didn't even want to blog about it over the weekend (Author's note: and I've been too busy to type this up for two days now).

All the assessments are based on a percentage of the written premiums minus some lines that are exempted by law. Life premiums aren't assessed but half of Health and Accident premiums count. Since we have moved to sending out invoices, we've never had to mistrust our totals. When I first started this job, we let the companies do their own math and then had to double check it. The companies never got the math right.

This year the IT contractors unveiled the new tax program they built, which included our assessments. We had trouble getting our invoices printed but we mailed them out right on time. Then we came back to work after Happy United States Day to find out that over half of the invoices totals were wrong. The computer program included Life premiums, and all the excluded lines from Property and Casualty, printed out invoices that we mailed for companies that are exempted and have never had to pay.

Monday, we finally had amended invoices to mail to the companies (Yes, it took the contractors two days to fix the program to calculate the totals right.), which we got out on time at the expense of not batching the incoming mail. So we stayed late to get that done. I also have the joy of answering the emails of the companies who noticed something was wrong and contacted us, but another coworker took the phone calls so I ain't complaining about that. Then we had to separate the payments that had already started coming in: the ones that are the correct amount and the ones that aren't. We don't want to cash any checks when the company doesn't owe us a payment (those are getting sent back with an apology letter). The payments in which they overpaid we still haven't figured out the best way to deal with them.

Tuesday, more of the same but without a mail-out I got to leave at 3:30pm. But it's always something new to make the IT contractors fix. We found a company that was missed completely. 83 Risk Retention companies (which are exempted) were still listed as owing the Department assessments until I got those taken out.

Wednesday, I hurt from the base of my skull to my tailbone because my back ties itself into a pretzel when I'm stressed. New things that IT contractors have to fix: just found a company who we changed contact information last year was mailed to the same wrong address this year, which we were promised wouldn't happen when we took over updating the addresses. Wrong payments outnumbered the right payments that have arrived so far. Hopefully by the end of the week, the mail-out will reach the companies and the wrong payments will stop. We still need to contact the companies who owe us less than what they sent, because we really don't want to refund over 700 companies if we don't have to and we're pretty sure they don't want to wait for their refund checks.

Lunch is over and the companies are emailing.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Should I Lie?

I heard back from Convergys today.

Thank you for taking the time to submit your resume to Convergys. Your qualifications have been updated and reviewed against our openings. Unfortunately, we have identified other candidates who more closely meet our requirements at the present time.

This is why I hate job hunting. I understand really a desire to hire someone unemployed first as opposed to me who has a steady job, but I need to WORK! And the first thing that hit me, is should I lie on the damn application?

I probably won't; I'm too honest for my own good. And I don't want to get slammed with a "you lied on your application" problem. But I could use some good news soon.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Not a happy camper

The commute has stopped being a pass through Purgatory and has now moved into Hell.

I went looking for current images, but there doesn't seem to be any. Usually, I would provide my own but it's a trade off between driving and photography, so probably won't happen. Geaux Wider has an interactive map showing where the issues are. I take the I-12 corridor since it is the most direct route between my house and the paying job.

Yesterday, it took me two hours to reach the paying job and the day never recovered after that. Plus dodging out of the way when a semi decided to cross the yellow line into my lane once I was past the construction zone mess and should have been free and clear. Today it took an hour. I'm used to the evening commute taking that long but the morning commute has always been lighter and finished around 45 minutes, provided there are no accidents. So clearly now everyone is getting up with me to beat the awful construction traffic and they are slowing down to watch the work.

I finally got a schedule that works for me and now I have to adjust it AGAIN. And during daylight savings time when it is nearly impossible to go to sleep because it's not dark enough outside! Annoyed doesn't come close to describing it.

Options: I don't have many. If I leave later to avoid the traffic snarls, that means I need to change what time I start the paying job and when I leave the paying job. I'm saving that headache for shifting to a 4-10s schedule. (A day without driving! Setting a leaving hour late enough to miss the crappy evening commute!)

After filing the above under "not likely to happen unless the state government shift to open for four days a week in an effort to save money," I'm left with leaving home earlier. Right now, I'm aiming between 5:45am and 6am. So if I move it up by thirty minutes, that means leaving between 5:15am and 5:30am.

*GLARES at the daily schedule*

Doing that without changing my wake-up or bedtimes effectively wipes out my entire reason for getting up so goddamn early in the morning: doing the frakking chores while I still have energy to do them.

Shifting everything up so I don't have to remove anything from the schedule, I need to wake-up at 3:09am and goto bed at 7pm.

*headdesk* Great I already have no social life and no television show watching time because I turn into a pumpkin at 8pm. IT ISN'T EVEN DARK YET AT 7 P.M.!!!!!!!!!!!!

I asked about going to 4-10s. Won't fly, our division is too short-staffed right now. *headdesk*

No money for a housekeeper. And no time for chores. Clearly I need a TARDIS for my commute. That would solve everything. And apparently would stop attracting other vehicles to my front grill. I took the surface streets to avoid most of the snarled-up Interstate and a dude started driving his bicycle straight at me! And he wasn't wearing a helmet! He dodged because I had the right away and collusion was avoided but STILL. The last thing I need right now is a wreck.

So yeah, I'm looking for a slightly used TARDIS. Hyper-active Time Lord doesn't have to be included but of course I wouldn't send him away either.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

When It Rains, It Pours; But I Was Given an Umbrella

Monday was typical, except for the mail increase from missing Thursday and Friday. Then I got an email from Holly Lisle over shenanigans done in the Rebel Tales name. I have kept quiet because Rebel Tales wasn't open to the public, but this is the market I sent "Covenant of the Restless" to.

Concerned and angry on Holly's behalf, but not alarmed since I figured the heads in charge were taking care of the situation. Then after lunch, I get an email from the application I had left open. The one from the job I thought had been filled on Sunday since I couldn't find my application again. It was reminder to go finish the test.

Before I left work for the day, thirty minutes late because of the mail load, I got another email about Rebel Tales and how it has closed shop. I'm less heartbroken than flabbergasted, and it's more on a personal note. Seriously, I get this after the weekend I just had?

So I rush home to see what the news was on the application. I figured I would try it in IE8 and if it didn't work, I would grab Dad's laptop and go back to IE7 to finish the damn thing. It worked in IE8 (I have no idea what they did, but I'm SO glad they did it) and I finished the application (I think). I have no idea what my scores are, but if I don't get the job now it's not because of technical issues but something personal.

...

Why the hell do I find that comforting?!

Things are looking better personally. I have to find a new market for my story, and I don't know if I'll get the job, but it's Tuesday. :)

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Depressing Turn of Events

As some of the readers knows, I'm trying to find a second job that I can do from home. I was looking before my previous computer died back in November and had stumbled across virtual call center, i.e. answering the phone like a call center only from the comfort of your own home. Which beats the hell out of the alternative I did back in 2003, work at a call center full time because they didn't offer any part-time work plus my full-time job with the state with all my benefits.

I bought the new computer specifically to handle this, using specs that are in common for most companies.

Only to find I can't use it to finish the application process.

The first company kept screwing up when they wanted to test that the new PC would work. The web-based program would just fail. So I moved on and found a great one, all the wanted to hire was part-time. Got to the fifth section of the application process and it refused to run. After contact their customer support, that web-based program only runs in IE6 or IE7. Windows 7, which I upgraded to with the new computer, only runs IE8.

*HEADDESK*

You'd think it be as easy as uninstalling 8 and using 7 for a while, but nope. Windows 7 will not run IE7. You have to set up a dual boot on your computer to run XP or a Windows Virtual PC to run XP Mode. The second made more complicated because Microsoft doesn't think Windows 7 Home Premium users "deserve" Windows Virtual PC.

To avoid that mess because the clock was ticking on my unfinished application, I finally got my dad's XP laptop with his admin password so I could install IE7 on it (because he updated to IE8 when it became available). Only to find that the job has been filled and now they only have bilingual positions that I don't qualify for.

I cried. Like a baby. I also screamed a couple of times and kicked the wall (my walls are cypress beadboard otherwise I'd probably have to detail how I had to get myself out of sheet rock).

I know my situation isn't as dire as other people out there. I have my primary job and Mom is feeding me. But I can't keep up with my bills unless I increase my income, much less replace the washing machine that is breaking down, the roof that is leaking, put up new walls and sink in the bathroom, get out of debt, etc.

Yeah, so that's where I am right now. Trying not to burst into tears thinking about it. And original fiction isn't cutting it as a distraction. I keep looking at what I have done today before the job went away and can only think "if this doesn't sell...." Not a happy place to create from. So don't tell on me, but I'm taking the rest of the day off with fanfiction and computer games.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Day of silent screaming

Scary how good I am at that now. It's not a skill class I want to be proficient in, mind you, but practice makes perfect.

Bedtime Helper worked, but by the time I finished setting it and the parental controls up, it was time for bed. So because I had to stop at the hospital and check on my grandfather.

Don't with the condolences. Just don't. It's a long story that I don't want to share, but I won't miss him. This is not my usual stoicism at play either. I don't want him to suffer, but beyond that nothing. It killed an hour that I would have had for housework, so I didn't get to finish the list last night.

Today's schedule went much better, got up mostly on time, got things done around the house, some writing, left on time. Then at the paying job, it all went to crappy-ville on four flat tires. Hence the silent screaming at the top of my lungs and listening to Metallica to calm down. No, that isn't a typo.

Second job: I thought I had posted on these plans already. I found a reliable list of companies who offer virtual call center jobs, i.e. working from home. Convergys is on the list, but my old computer failed their tests and then it had the spectacularly long meltdown of trying to get it fixed. So I bought the new computer according to their specs so I could reapply. Because I need a reliable second income, but I don't think I can physically work two full-time jobs again. So the plan is to find a part-time virtual call center job that I can work at nights, weekends, and holidays until debt is paid off and I can replace the roof and remodel my house.

So TONIGHT, provided nothing else goes bonkers, I'm reapplying to Convergys.

Update: The old coot (which is the PG version of what I call my grandfather) checked himself out this morning against doctor's orders. *forehead smack*

Read Free!
The BookWorm

"Boom" from GQ

Boom from GQ explaining impartially what went wrong with the Deepwater Horizon.

BP should be prosecuted for 11 counts of murder just to start.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

A fire alarm is great way to start a Friday

So in the office with my supervisor trying to solve a problem with the online payments statement and the fire alarm goes off... at 8am. Spend the next 45 minutes outside waiting for the all clear. It wasn't a drill but the building didn't burn either.

I had to stop at Wally World before work this morning and bought two pairs of jeans in a 16. Going up instead of down. I'm not happy with weight gain, but the concept of watching what I'm eating flew out the window a few months back. I'm stressed over money and I run to my cravings when I'm stressed.

Next week I really start five minutes of exercise every day.

Amazing how a simple thing like getting more sleep can make you feel so damn good. This week has been filled with irritants and I have been sailing above all of them. Now I still haven't caught up on doing stuff at home, so this weekend will be fun attempting to do just that.

Stuff to finish:

• Bloodwork
• Corset
• Cutting out the mock-up for bridesmaid dress
• Mock-up for bridesmaid dress
• Dishes
• Budget
• Empty inbox of all financial papers
• Catch up on website hours - edit Ref. Wiki images
• Catch up on writing hours - edit LJ header file with proper word counts

I'd like a clean slate of a house to start next week off with. That will be a novelty.

Rewards for finishing a project:

• Watching Castle
• Watching V
• Watching the Good Wife
• Watching NCIS: Truth or Consequences
• 30 minutes of video game play for each finished project once I run out of TV shows

Budget needs to become a daily item on my To Do List. Basically because I am a stupid twit and will ignore it until I'm in trouble. Hopefully daily reminders will keep the accounts balanced.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Too Much on the Plate?

As I worked on my weekly review this morning, trying madly to get out the door on time, the reoccurring question of my life popped up again. Am I scheduling too much to do and then wallowing in guilt because I haven't accomplished it all? Usually, the answer is a simple "yes," but this time, I'm not as sure.

I ended up with a three-day weekend thanks to the weather, so I broke my backlog of missed writing time into fifteen minutes chunks and separated the chunks with chores and then things I have been procrastinating on. I never did make it to the back bedroom or finances.

But had I done better with taking my hours Monday through Thursday, that would have been five hours to spend doing something else. I'm not micromanaging my time and I'm proud of the editing progress I made, but I'm not using my time as well as I should. It's a struggle to wake up, it's a struggle to do my chores, and it's a struggle to ignore distractions.

So, besides needing to sit my ass at the computer instead of the TV, what other conclusions can I draw? I shouldn't go to bed before all my daily items are crossed off (barring sickness and if I have made a strong attempt to dent the procrastinated stacks). I really like this one. Too often I let myself get away with saving a chore for the weekend because I didn't do it in the morning and don't feel like doing it at night. And that really makes me sound like a lazy sod, doesn't it?

Let's not go down that path. I'm trying not to give into the cycle of beating myself up because I'm not superhuman. Nothing has a deadline to please someone else, so I don't need to panic over not getting things finished. This is all about establishing a rhythm to enjoy life. because I should be able to take off for a weekend and not feel like I let the house fall apart.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

MA Exam Part 2

I PASSED PART TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unless I get told differently, I should be walking in December, after I finish the Faulkner paper for the Fall semester. So I am one more step closer to the pictured event.



So what does this mean for my writing schedule? I haven't gotten that far yet. Planning out my project schedule will have to wait until I get home and can take an uninterrupted look at the calendar.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

M.A. Exam Part 2

Taken. I actually feel better about how this went than I did the first time I took it, but I won't know anything until they release the results. Which they hope will happen by Thursday. o.O Yeah, I think that's pretty quick.

And on a side note, I think I should pass simply because I got two parking tickets while taking the stupid thing. I'm not arguing that I shouldn't have (cause I was running out of time and said "shit with it" as I parked. Put a parking garage where Lee Hall used to be; if you go taller you could still have grass. :p) But as a karmic balancing thing; it sounds fair.

Or just tell me I failed and let me cheerfully reclaim more of my time from Faulkner's grasp. It's unreal how easy I am to please over this outcome. Now I'm going to take a break and play with maps. I have to go break a continent.

Oh in other details, cause it has been a while since I updated. I did get the home computer up and running. I'm still cleaning out the saved files, because there is only so long I can work on that before getting sick of deleting. Now I need to turn everything off and install a new battery, but I want to be able to turn the computer back on, so I'm leery.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Inbox Freakout

What’s the easiest way to give myself a the-inbox-will-never-empty panic attack? Put a thick book in there that only needs to be shelved, pile papers on it, and forget it’s in there. Stack gets closer to the basket’s top and cue the freakout. The task I’ve been avoiding like an office plague took about twenty minutes this morning to empty.

Headlights got fixed Sunday.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Return to what passes for normal around here... I think

So NaNo is over, graduate exam is over, November is over. After the graduate exam yesterday, I spent the rest of the day in a recovery fog that still hasn't lifted completely.

Oh and just because I can.


One thing I learned that I didn't put on my list at Discipline Under Fire--my writing is more important than graduating. I didn't get my reading materials together until Sunday afternoon November 30th. And instead of stopping and reading for the test, I finished NaNo and then read. I didn't finish all the articles and there was no memory of titles or authors when it came to the exam itself. But then I NEVER remember titles and authors, I have to constantly refer to the source material when I write. :p

It did strike me that I was nuts to bounce between the two at some point that night (because I would spend fifteen minutes writing and then fifteen minutes writing), and I went straight back to writing. And it's true what I told my fellow exam takers, I want the Masters' but my career doesn't depend on it. I'm not continuing for a Ph.D., I'm not leaving state employment unless they make me and they don't care what I have degree-wise, and nobody in the publishing industry is going to care either.

And if you think this realization helped my stress levels at all, you are sadly mistaken.

That aside, I still want to wear the goofy robe and march down the aisle. I want to give my coworkers an announcement and hopefully get paid back for what I've given to their kids graduations. I've put in some hard work and I will enjoy it.

We all came out of the exam feeling we had been set up for a massive fail. If we do fail, we have another shot at it in the spring semester with the same reading material. Granted, I accept the fact that I handicapped myself in the reading. But that's not why I feel like I burned. I blame that on the methodology of the exam. You have to read the chosen novel and a dozen chosen critical articles about the novel. Then they ask you an essay question about the novel and you need to support your answer with at least three critical articles. But you can't bring any materials in with you. No copies of the articles are provided either. You have to remember everything about them to answer a question that you had no idea about when you read the material. After spending so many years writing papers with everything in front of you.

Epic fail might be a stress-induced exaggeration, but unfairly slanted isn't. I wouldn't have been able to remember names and titles, even if I could recite the articles. I find out what the outcome is next week. How I would fix it. Give us all semester to read the materials. A week before the exam, okay here's the question now chose your supporting articles, but no pre-writing. Then you can bring in the bibliography with your articles marked off and that's it for the two hours of exam writing time.

So now is the time to pull together all the other projects and figure out what to do when.

Websites need to be updated. Writing projects need to moved on to. House projects need to be budgeted for. ... I'm exhausted just thinking about that little bit. *Sigh*

Read Free!
The BookWorm

Perhaps Introspection Will Pay Off This Time

I have no doubt that I will slip into an old habit, or just don’t feel like keeping up with a hard won truth, and I’ll have to go through the whole process again. I’m deliberately not reading through the archives to see if I’ve had these particular revelations before.

Aggravations

I hate checking email.
Why?

• I get in trouble at work.
• I’m overwhelmed by all the junk mail.
• I don’t want to deal with any more AMF shit.
• Microsoft Outlook develops issues at home and doesn’t want to run right.
• There’s too much of it and no time to answer the ones I want to answer.
• I feel obligated and then guilty because I can keep up the obligations.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Mild annoyance except when I give into the avoidance strategy.

What can be done about it?

• Set a schedule and a time limit to check email. Before leaving for work but after at least one daily MIT, lunch time for personal Gmail, and when I get home before winding down for the day.
• Always delete the junk mail folder at the end of the day, everyday. Do not let it build up for a few months.
• Switch the website emails to filter through a Gmail account before coming into Outlook to cut down on the amount of junk mail.
• Once during the weekend, take thirty minutes and perform a task on the Reconfiguring Outlook project list or read through the DWL folder.
• Try this for the next month (May 18) before switching to another program.

I hate oversleeping.
Why?

• Throws off the whole day, and puts me in a foul mood.
• I usually don’t get to writing or exercising.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Minor nuisance.

What can be done about it?

• No caffeine after noon! And keep morning caffeine to under two cans, averaging one a day.
• Go to bed and get up at the same time everyday.
• Write regardless. Exercise can be moved to the afternoon when I get home.
• Set up a bedtime routine and stick to it.
• Turn the bedtime alarm clock back on.

I hate the commute.
Why?

• I get sleepy in the car.
• It’s time I could be spending doing something else.
• The price of gas and wear and tear on my car.
• Possibility of accidents goes up because I’m on the road so much.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuisance.

What can be done about it?

• Be sure I’m awake fully before driving.
• Drive more carefully.
• Buy the cheapest gas I can find.

I hate having a dirty kitchen that expands to the rest of the house.
Why?

• Mess just multiplies and you can’t ever stay ahead of it.
• I’m not poor white trash that lives in a sty!
• I waste time in cleaning frenzies that could be spent on other things.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Nuisance

What can be done about it?

• Follow the chore schedule that works beautifully.
• Stop taking housekeeping so seriously. It’s not bad until it’s a health hazard.

I hate feeling obligated.
Why?

• Because I must fulfill my obligations before I Can do anything for myself.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance

What can be done about it?

• Start saying no or quantify time promises and stop feeling guilty about it!
• Explore this feeling more.

I hate having no time to write.
Why?

• If I can’t write, why live?
• Writing should always come first and I can’t be selfish and put it first.
• I’m not a writer is I don’t write.
• Everything has to be done and I’m the only one here to do it.
• Writing only serves me.
• Until I get paid, it’s only a hobby. And I don’t deserve hobbies that cost money and time.
• I go foamy at the mouth if I don’t get to write.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major annoyance and wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

What can be done about it?

• Quit other obligations.
• Make writing time one of the daily MITs.
• Get my fucking priorities straight.

I hate running out of money every month and racking up overdraft fees.
Why?

• I’m a fucking financial ruin until I get it straight.
• The credit union has taken enough of my money that could have paid some of my debts off, or added to savings and not bounce payments anymore.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• Follow the budget.
• Save money so I can live on last month’s income.
• Stop beating myself up when I fall down.

I hate doing all the work on AMF.
Why?

• No one is really communicating with me anymore.
• I’m being used by just about everyone (and having it pointed out by impartial bystanders).
• People are going to make me the fall guy.
• I don’t know who to trust anymore.
• It’s not my dream, and it’s stealing time to work on my dreams.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• QUIT!

I hate hiding stuff because I don’t want to upset people.
Why?

• I get stressed because I don’t want to upset people.
• I feel like I’m living a lie.
• I don’t want to be hated, so I avoid telling people anything.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuisance, it’s a personal quirk effecting everything.

What can be done about it?

• Stop avoiding what makes me uncomfortable.

I hate hurting people.
Why?

• I shouldn’t press myself onto people.
• I’m tired of dealing with people, just leave me alone.
• I’m going to hurt them with what I’m asking for or what I have to tell them.
• They’re going to hate me.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuisance, it’s a personal quirk effecting everything.

What can be done about it?

• Stop avoiding what makes me uncomfortable.

I hate my bathroom.
Why?

• No shower.
• No sink.
• No real storage.
• Ugly sheetrock walls painted a hideous color.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance

What can be done about it?

• Remodel.

I hate being afraid.
Why?

• Honestly, I don’t know why I’m afraid of people hating me, being obligated to people, giving people bad news.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Nuisance.

What can be done about it?

• Stop avoiding things that make me uncomfortable.

I hate wasting time on the Internet.
Why?

• It’s time I could be spending on writing or anything else.
• Bad for my health. I should sit in front of the computer for hours.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuisance.

What can be done about it?

• Set time limits on Internet reading.
• Write first then play.
• Schedule get up breaks.

I hate having no free time.
Why?

• I can never be spontaneous.
• I always feel guilty about taking time off. I have too much to do.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• Recognize that I need free time every day and every week to stay healthy and sane.
• Schedule the obligations and the free time and keep the schedule.
• Get together with people once a month for dinner or an event.

I hate not sticking to any resolutions I make for myself.
Why?

• It means I’m a failure. I have so much to fix and I just stop trying to fix anything.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Major nuiscance.

What can be done about it?

• Stop trying to fix everything that’s wrong at once.
• Concentrate on fixing one thing in a three month period instead of a month. Evidently, a month is not long enough to force a new habit.

I hate having to depend on the undependable.
Why?

• Because it means I have to do everything.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• QUIT depending on them.

I hate school.
Why?

• Financial stress.
• Loops I had no idea about jumping through with the school and Sallie Mae.
• This class is making me spend extra time on AMF and that stresses me out.
• I can’t find time to handle school business so I can graduate.

Real annoyance or minor nuisance?

• Annoyance.

What can be done about it?

• Stop avoiding what has to be done.
• Make deadlines for the paper project.

Once that list was done, I pulled fifteen strategies to relief the stress out of it.

Strategies to Relieve Stress

1. Set deadlines for projects.
2. Use weekly Big Rocks and daily MITs.
3. Set a daily schedule for chores, email, and other things that pile up quickly.
4. No extra caffeine, and no late nights.
5. Write every morning for at least thirty minutes.
6. Use the bedtime alarm clock and set up a bedtime routine.
7. Use the chore checklist.
8. Start telling people no or be honest with what free time I have.
9. Quit AMF.
10. Follow the budget.
11. Stop beating myself up when I fall down.
12. Stop avoiding what makes me uncomfortable.
13. Set time limits on Internet reading and schedule get up breaks.
14. Concentrate on fixing one thing in a three-month period instead of a month. April – June is to fix writing priority.
15. Exercise on schedule. No skipping

Some are easier accomplished than others. Then I started scheduling. It was like doing a mind sweep and a calender at the same time. Then I transferred that list to the calender. Next I’ll need to update the chores checklist and SimpleGTD. I’m undecided whether to keep Joe’s Goals or not. I’m not very good at keeping it updated, and most of what I have to do will be established by Big Rocks and daily MITs.

It doesn’t sound like I’m concentrating on just one thing for the next three months, but really everything that is scheduled is writing related. My goal is to get my writing back into priority level one in my life. I’m optomistic that this hard look at my life will help me do that.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

I needed to hear this

The Day My Son Almost Died is a great article analyzing how women need to deal with ambition.

I'm still working on the introspection. I think I took detour into unhelpful self-loathing territory. I'll be back when it's more concrete.

Read Free!
The BookWorm


Progress Bar from Writertopia





There is a new renaissance festival in Louisiana! Check out the Acadiana Medieval Faire at: http://www.acadianafaire.org/

So bummed I can't concentrate on homework

I just got the word that SLU is sending my loan money back. I'm not enrolled in enough hours. So tomorrow morning, I have to go fight for it back instead of going to work. And go bitch to someone that I would have enough hours only nobody agreed to be my thesis director!

If I knew they were going to pull this shit, I would have enrolled in something to drop after I got my money.

It's just I was counting on that money so bad to get me in a better financial leverage. Dishwasher aside--because I can wait for it--I need to pay my parents back. I don't have enough income to make ends meet without the student loans.

And it galls me beyond belief that there is so many rules and regulations, do's and don't's on money I HAVE to pay BACK! My reform: you're in school, you attend classes, it doesn't matter how many, take out what you and the bank say you can afford. LIKE WITH EVERY OTHER FUCKING LOAN OFFERED IN THE NATION!!!!!!

Well, here's to me trying to read something.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

There is a new renaissance festival in Louisiana! Check out the Acadiana Medieval Faire at: http://www.acadianafaire.org/

It wasn't just hyperbole after all

Every so often, the media will say in a report that "so many Americans are just one major illness away from bankruptcy." It's one of those things you hear so much, in one ear and out the other. It's stuck a bit more permanently now.

Issue with teeth and insurance kicked in for some, but my share was nearly $1900.00. I had it and I was so proud of myself when I wrote the check thinking "I'm finally in control of my finances."

Now, one month later, and I need that money for bills and bang my head on the desk for not paying in installments. It's not bankruptcy state for me yet, but damn. I have no savings for a medical crisis.

I do have a few options.

• Biggest one: apply for Food Stamps since groceries is one of my bigger expenses and if I eat cheaper, I jeopardize my health.
• My second idea is to give the bills that refuse to go on auto withdrawals (for whatever reasons) a year's worth of their monthly budget (or as near to a year as I can get) when I have it. My major fuck-ups happen when I forget to pay the bills because I'm caught up in something else. I'm just scheduling dyslexic. So they have money ahead of time, and I only need to freak out at the end of the year when the money is running out.
• Getting a bank account for gasoline purchases. Credit cards and me don't work (though I need to get one for emergencies). And I need something I can go to any gas station with. So I'm thinking a dedicated debit card tied to either a savings or checking (depends on what the credit union says) with auto deductions from my paycheck to fund according to budget. Course, I'm screwed if the price skyrockets again, but I'm screwed regardless with that.
• Cash only purchases. I'm better at sticking with the budget when I see the budget.
• Tweak the budget. Not so much shaving more off (I've shaved as close as I can in all categories), but looking at it a different way. I'm still doing research on this.

That's what I've got to start with.

So this weekend just got busier. And I had such simple goals too. Now the plans are fix the financial debacle, vote, get teeth finished, get ahead on homework, clean/organize office and rest of house. 48 hours of fun. :p

Update: What I left out of the post earlier. The bill I forgot about was electric, and they disconnected me the same day I got the disconnect warning in the mail. But okay, I deserved it. I suffered with it and Mustard deciding that 1:30am was wake-up time and his snooze works on 30 minute intervals. I left a check in their drop box to get reconnected today.

I just called my house and the answering machine did not pick up. Which makes me think they haven't reconnected my power. So if you don't hear from me all weekend, I'm still fighting with them because I'll be damned if I'm paying a reconnect-me-on-the-weekend fee when I gave you the check at 6am Friday morning and your business is open Monday through Friday.

But hey, a cold front is coming through and the gas bill has been paid. So I will sweat but won't freeze.

Night update: Dad gave me a loan, a good thing because my plan didn't work. *Sigh* But at least now my emergency banking can wait until Monday. And I can work on homework at home.

Read Free!
The BookWorm

There is a new renaissance festival in Louisiana! Check out the Acadiana Medieval Faire at: http://www.acadianafaire.org/