Tweaking the Blog

Took advantage of the new features available and turned on the Recent Posts feature. Hopefully it will make posts easier to find.

Which reminds me to get the Crossroads copied over to Pen to Paper. :p Guess I need a link to there now. SO much for being done with the tweaking.

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What I did

Saturday was cast social and practice for peasant court. So we had to be at the party house' in New Orelans for 10:30 am. Which meant leaving home a little after 7:30am and do what errands we had to do. I ended up (while still getting Chad's stuff together at the site) bending back a fingernail so badly it started to bleed. It's better today, I finally got he bandaid off and clipped the nail back so it wouldn't get caught on anything. *Sigh* And it was looking so pretty. You can see the blood clot and bruise through the nail.

My leg is better today too. My cat decided to play scratch on Kindra and she'll let me out. I gave him the water bottle. He decided that he was cornered and retaliated. Next paycheck he's going to the vet and we're going to end these little testerone spurts.

Today looks like it's going to be catch up on all the mail day. Post offices were closed on Friday because of Reagan's funeral. I could use the break from the bouncing from website work to book catalouging work to house cleaning work all day Sunday. Unfortunately, I don't want to be doing this for my break. :p

On the writing front, I have some astronomical details worked out on Mylte's home world and system. Still have some details to go, but wouldn't you know I left the reference book at home? *Sigh* I'll probably just end up typing during today's writing hour, if I can get my info off the CD.

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Taking a break

My finger hurts. My leg hurts. Laundry is finished except for the putting away part. Books, I'm probably halfway though nonfiction now. Website update, ugh, not even close to halfway.

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Too early

It is still WAY too early for me to be up, due to factors a little beyond my control yesterday. But too much housework to justify staying in bed. Too much housework to justify staying on the computer but I'm ignoring that for now.

T is the only one brave enough to start a dialogue on plans. *Sigh* I'm really that bad, huh? Need to go formulate answers now.

Okay answers made. And I have to go start laundry. And everything else. But I don't want to! Where's my fucking day of rest?


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Mexican tonight, but I'm running from the band

Actually their band is the only reason I haven't gone back to that restaurant, but they should be playing outside tonight.

Today's been an odd day. No mail except express stuff because all Federal workers get off for Reagan's funeral. So I finally finished the graphic reorganizing work on my website, except for the tiny fact of double checking it and getting it right on my hard drive and then uploading and deleting graphic files no longer in use. No biggy at all. :p

Jazzie needs a hug. Emailing hugs is a speciality.

Now let's see if I can get anymore work done on the calendar for Zy's novel.

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Web work at work

Well I finally stumbled upon what I can do at work toward fixing pages for the updates. The only hiccup has been the failure of a CD save. I had to stop the work and save what I had done to CD because the IT department came through in the middle of the day to convert our computers to XP. According the the CD burning program, I was supposed to be able to read and write to the CD Windows Explorer. Well it failed, though after I had transfered the files I had changed back to the harddrive. Good thing I brought another CD to burn the changed material. Though I'm betting this one will probably work once I finalize the CD.

Back to work.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 2 Question 1

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 2

Instructions: For this Q&A session with your favorite author (yourself), I ask you to do something very difficult. I ask you to interrogate yourself about your protagonist. This is tantamount to requesting a critique of your grandchild. I know this because I am both an autho and a grandmother. If anyone so much as suggested to me that my granddaughter required an evaluation, my back would shoot up so high there'd be vertebra imprints on the ceiling. She's perfect. She's wonder. End of story.

It's almost that hard to be objective about a character you've created. You have no doubt whatsoever that your character is strong enough to carry the burden of your story plus a couple of others. Your protagonist is perfect, wonderful. End of story.

Okay, I hear you. I acknowledge your defense of your baby, but the time has come for brutal honesty. You must push beyond your indignation. Stop telling yourself, "What she's saying doesn't apply to my protagonist. Other writers' characters, maybe, but not mine." You must get past that stubborn stance immediately and completely. Otherwise, this interrogation technique and the entire process of self-editing cannot work for you or for your story.

You must think of your protagonist as if someone else created him. Ask yourself each of the following questions. Answer each fully and honestly, as if this were somebody else's kid, not your own.

Note: Each numbered question is made up of many questions that will be answered separately. I'm going to be questioning in regards to Zy, protagonist of the unnamed science fiction mystery I'm working on.

1). What does your protagonist want in this story?

Zy wants to catch the murderer and please Murdock. He has entrusted his murder investigation to her and she would rather die than disappoint him.

Is this desire significant enough to make a reader also want it for your character?

The murderer has a way of killing people without leaving any trace of the weapon used. And he is systematically killing of heads of criminal organizations and breeding more chaos in and between the organizations. And as the murders escalate, there is the fear that he could start killing innocents.

Is this desire significant enough to make a reader want it for your character through the length of an entire book, as long as the character wants it for herself?

Solving the crime and catching the bad guy are essential plot points for the mystery genre. On the personal level, everyone has had someone that they have wanted to impress and be proud of them, usually a parent figure of some sort. Murdock is that figure for Zy.

Or--does this desire, sooner or later, pale into "Who cares?" territory for the reader?

I don't think it pales. The murders and personal danger to Zy escalate during her investigation. She also ends up with two sidekicks that she is responsible for, giving the murderer two more targets.

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Crossroads An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 24 - 28

Crossroads An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

24). What is the most significant thing you've ever discovered about yourself?

I have a gift for writing dialogue.

25). What do you like most about yourself?

I try to be kind to everyone.

26). What do you dislike most about yourself?

That I'm an indecisive neurotic fruitcake.

27). In what specific experience of your life did you feel most enraged? Terrified? Humiliated? Heartbroken? Ecstatic?

Since I'm trying to wrap these questions up today, I'm going with terrified. I live alone. Baton Rouge was in the grip of the first serial killer terror. I had a swell nightmare about women being decapitated that woke me up, and something was wrong with the room. I finally figured it out. I keep two night lights going, one in the kitchen and one in the bathroom. One of those nightlights was not shinning into my bedroom. I found my sword that I was keeping next to my bed, and charged out to find that the lightbulb had burnt out in the bathroom nightlight. That also qualifies as the most relived I have ever felt in my life.

28). Feel free to add any further questions or considerations pertinent to your life and experience.

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Feeling Grumpy

It occurred to me after I hit sent, I may have sent an email that had a grumpier tone than intended. Red, most of the grumpy is from lack of sleep.

The rest is complicated. I have a fear of talking the story to death--meaning I don't want to write it any more. There is also wanting to surprise my readers. But I also want feedback when the story is still being shaped. But when I tried to start discussions, there was no useful feedback. People would beg off saying they needed the whole story or get caught up on something that I don't think is an issue or get off topic.

Needless to say, none of this leads to me soliciting or getting useful responses. And I get upset when something useful comes way too late to do any good. And I get upset with no feedback or silly feedback, and then nobody wants to give feedback because it just makes me upset.

I don't like getting upset, and I want to keep writing, and I don't want to do something that completely turns off my readers or is totally out of character and I can't see it. It's easier creating in a vacuum of perception. I could go back to that, but I feel it's going to lead to me getting upset and defensive about the finished product.

It's probably just indicitive of the thicker skin I need to develop. But I don't want to blow off the perception of my friends that I know are intelligent readers. Except--of course--when they're wrong. *wink*

So I'm think I need to start the dialogue here. These are the opinions I care about regardless.

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Ronald Reagan is dead

I'm a little stunned. He died on Saturday and was 93 years old, but he was still the first president I have a memory of. And now he's gone.

Now I get to try to finish cleaning house and get to the state of think of stuff that is writing and not Faire related.

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Friday Finally

Quote of the Day: Years ago, fairy tales all began with "Once upon a time..."--now we know they alll begin with, "If I am elected." -- Carolyn Warner

Finished reading Aliens and Alien Society. Now I have Mylte's physical/biological characteristics somewhere in my notes, so all I have to do is create a planet/solar system that would have evolved such a creature as well as the society he is no longer part of due to some trespass on his part.

Project for Monday.

Today is Harry Potter night. Saturday is clean more of the house before meeting day. Sunday is finish the bloody house.

So till the mail and noon comes I'm going to work on transcribing notes for "Let Us Give Thanks." I have to come up with a couple more murder suspects as well as introduce the real murderer and segue into an attack on Vinnie.

I'm probably going to give up and read more. I have to start "Southern Ghost" now. Fictional, mystery by Carolyn G. Hart in her Death on Demand series. I'll probably finish going through the rest of the chapter one Crossroads questions too.

Hmm, told people no complaints but I guess nobody read yesterday's post. I know it's still rough action-wise but the dialogue finally clicked for Stoker. *Shrug* T was partly dead yesterday, and Jazzie has been MIA since she finished "Black Rider."

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 23

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

23). What act of heroism would you be least likely to perform?

Putting my life on the line. Soldiers, fire fighters, police officers; Lord and Lady how I respect them, but I can't do it. Don't even want to think about doing it.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 22

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

22). What crime would you be most likely to commit if you were to commit a crime?

Stealing money. I always have a need for it, and you can pull it off without killing someone if you do it right. But luckily I'm too honest to actually do it.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 21

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

21). What sort of person do you feel the most sympathy for? The least sympathy for?

I have no sympathy for blantant stupidity. If a person's actions brought about their tragedy, but those actions were based on stupid decisions I feel no sympathy for it. Or if they're blantantly evil, they get what they deserve.

The most sympathy for is harder: the Gollum. A character that has no choice between a rock and a hard place and neither decision brings a happy ending. Classic misunderstandings between characters. The outside monster that has a heart of gold.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 20

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

20). What do you pray won't happen to you?

To die forgotten. I want my fame while I am still here to enjoy it. Though I found some pleasure in one of Ray Bradbury's short stories. The narrator invented a time machine, but instead of doing the usual time machine tricks, he goes to the writers who died practically forgotten and shows them the latest editions of their works. Wonderfully touching, what I would do if I had a time machine.

But I still want the fame now.

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I'm SO Sick of Cleaning!

Quote of the Day: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time. And that's sufficient. -- Rose King

Saturday - a family reunion of all the descendets of my paternal great-grandmother on the Coates side. Both my sisters got out of it :p, but it was still nice. Enough food to feed the army in Iraq. I learned that the first Coates (in our family) was Martin Coates, born in 1819 in Yorkshire, England. Family lore says he immigrated by working across on a livestock ship when he was 13 or 14, making it somewhere around 1833 when he came to Louisiana. No records to ack any of that up though. What I find trully fascinating, is that Clovis and Chad working out where the heck is our Faire village supposed to be in England came up with somewhere in Yorkshire. And I had no input into that what so ever.

Came home, watched some movies, shoved stuff into the living room, but mostly worked on the spreadsheet. Chad finally called and I got online for a while.

Sunday - the down and dirty cleaning day. Took out 3 bags of trash and started scanning stuff onto the harddrive, tossing stuff into the give away box. And I tried sewing the striped breeches when I got sick of going through papers.

I ended up with three pairs. The first too small and will probably fit Krista. The second pair is big enough in the waist to fit Chad and me. The crotch measurment in the third pair is all wrong.

Monday - holiday from the job and I should have left the house day. But no I was stupid. I keep cleaning, even though I knew all I wanted was one day out of the damn house. I managed to get 3 file boxes and 2 crates down to one file box of loose material to rego through and the stacks of binders on my desk to scan and the stacks of things on the sewing table. It is an accomplishment but it doesn't feel like one. All it feels like I'm doing is shuffling the mess around. And scanning takes forever and I'm not even though with the first binder and I have a dozen left to do (mostly 2-inch thick binders). And the whole rest of the world went to the beach and went to the river AND DIDN'T CLEAN THEIR GODDAMNED FUCKING HOUSES.

See, still resentful. And I inadverdentily double blocked my main entrace as well as I ate a whole pan of brownines and two boxes of Little Debbie snack cakes and finished off 2 twelve packs of Diet Dr. Pepper.

Tuesday - woke up sick day. I called in, and got another day to tackle the mess of everything inside my house. And my cat has fleas so he ends up getting treated, the whole house gets treated, and I put the outdoor powder down on my bedroom floor since it says indoor and outdoor use. (They meant like attics and crawlspaces.) I figured it would vacuum right up. It doesn't vacuum right up. I had to mop and it still doesn't all come up. Have a crying fit while mopping. Not like I already have enough to do and I go and make a bigger fucking mess. Oh yeah, and the stuff is poisonous to humans especially absorbed through the skin.

I finally give up and go to Chad's with an apology supper. Mainly cause I feel bad venting all this stuff at him. Goddess knows why. Because he doesn't throw tantrums over everything? But if I didn't get out of there I was going to drink the insecticide I should have put down instead of the powder. And then I find out that the leader's meeting has been moved up a week, so I have to hurry home and email Di so she can finish the concept drawings so I can present them. *thud, thud, thud* They tell me to delegate and then shit like this happens when I do delegate!

So I go home and email and clean out my email.

Wednesday - back at the job. I still need to balance the checkbook. I got the bedroom vacuumed this morning. I still have to vacuum the rest of the house. I guess I can balance that while I scan tonight. Oh yeah, and then I get to do the spray and vacuum regime again in 3 weeks.

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It's productive goofing off

So I should be tossing papers out and getting rid of the stacks of junk in the kitchen. I am so not up to doing that. Nor am I up to actually balancing my checkbook and see how little of my money I have left.

So I'm playing around with a spread sheet I designed for keeping track of projects. I used to have a better memory for where I had exactly left a story, what needed to be done to it next, etc. Now I find I leave the folder out and I'm clueless to why it's out. Or get sidetracked and can't remember where in the editing process I was. Hence the spread sheet. Also it's a faily good measurement of how productive I have (or haven't) been. I feel a lot better about 2003 when I see the only think finished was the crossover. And that was 126,105 words long. It's all about perspective.

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Wasting Time That's Not Wasted

Yes, I'm still goofing off reading the ghost stories, but I found at least one that has caught my storytelling interests. In 1746 Dmitri Girshkov stopped by a friend's grave on the way to his wedding and disappeared. The Father Litinov sees the distraught young man trying to find his friends, family, bride. A strange light and a gray mist surrounded the young man and he vanished. 1933 was the date of the reported siting, collaberated by other sitings during the past two centuries. What has snatched the poor guy and is depositing him in the future according to his POV, and then snatching him back? Could it happen again?

So it goes into the folder. I'll find something to match it up with.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 19

Quote of the Day: It is not lack of polling data or campaign contributions which keeps many women from ascending higher on the political ladder. It is fear and loating for the political system itself. -- Madeleine Kunn, a governor of Vermont

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

19). What do you long for?

Publication, publication, publication. Financial security. A clean porch. A clean house. The house.

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Delaying writing hour

I need to get my car fixed, standard tune-up stuff that I have put off for way too long. But because of the wrecks at Denham Springs, I'm probably going to have to leave work early to get to the garage I like. *Sigh* Which means writing while I wait on my car.

So right now, I'm going to read.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 18

Quote of the Day: What the hell is wrong with the I-12 Amite River Bridge?! -- Me (after hearing about 3 18-wheeler wreck this morning that will still be cleaning tonight when it's time to go home)

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

18). What can make you unbearably sad?

Pain, injustice, death. Tragedy especially historical tragedy. I watched 9/11, thanking the higher powers that it was just through a TV screen.

I cry over bills, but those are tears of frustration.

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Goofing off

I should be working but I don't feel like it. Meaning that it super slow at the job and I should be writing or working on some alien evolutionary steps, but instead I'm reading Real Ghosts, Restless Spirits, and Haunted Places by Brad Steiger. *Shrug* It has to go back to the library, you know.

Oh yes, I did managed to get to the library last Friday. I went in with a list of 5 books and came out with 8. My supervisor saw me waiting for the trolley and brought me back to work. But over all the experience went well. So nice to prowl around a library that doesn't care if you're in it or not.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 17

Quote of the Day: There's one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth--their lips move. -- Felicity Kendall

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

17). What scares you to death?

Snakes. I hate snakes. I understand why they are a neccessary part of the chain of life and vow to stay out of their way if they stay out of mine. Once I convinced my great-grandmother to attack a pile of leaves that I thought was a snake.

Chad warned me last night that he saw a snake underneath the Inn. To explain, Chad lives in one of the buildings on the RenFaire site; upstairs in an apartment, downstairs is the demo area and kitchen. I told him that he would know what happened if he heard a scream and I was on the second floor balcony. Or in the tree.

Like the stupid geese weren't bad enough.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 16

Quote of the Day: Under conditions of tyranny it is far easier to act than to think. -- Hannah Arendt

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

16). What can make you very, very, very angry?

Hypicroscy, lying, breaking an oath, never having enough money, everybody putting all the work on me, never having time off, nobody understanding what I mean, having to justify my every move (even though I offer it up voluntarily), feeling unappreciated.

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Good suggestions but...

... you don't have to live with my mother. *Sigh* Yes, I feel that I'm being taken advantage of, and having my chi all depressed ain't making that any better, but now that they've decided to start selling the shit, I can't do anything. If I do, I have to sell it and I hate doing that. Plus two other households are involved along with the weather.

I asked when they have the next one planned for. "We haven't planned that. Have to do more cleaning and get more stuff out." If I haul it to the needy now, it's going to be "Kindra cost us hundreds of dollars." And more junk will be on my porches.

What good will losing my temper do? It'll be "Kindra's acting crazy again. How can she be against us making money when Mom's unemployed, Dad's working in underpaid spurts, and Kai doesn't pay any of the bills and has to save up for her test so she can get a real job. (Yet she has money to go buy any DVD she wants, GRRRRR!)

Everybody get it yet? WHAT I WANT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER!

Sure I'll try to be firm. I'll say you've got till June 17th to get rid of it. Then it will storm every fucking weekend. And then I'll be out of line for not letting them have one more sale.

If it was a week or a month of this verbal abuse, I'd take it. But Mom will bring it back up and dwell on it till the day she dies. So I can't win and I might as well keep all the shit and call into work and tell them I've been barricaded in, can they find me a remote office job I can do from home? They don't want me to have pretty clean porches you can sit on. If they did, the two weeks at the beginning wouldn't have turned into six months. They wouldn't have piled MORE shit on after I rented a storage unit and shoved everything around so the furniture wouldn't get ruined.

And now I have to spend the whole goddamned day feeling depressed about it because there isn't anything I can do to resolve the stupid situation that won't turn into a family bloodbath!

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 15

Quote of the Day: A woman is like a teabag--you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. -- Nancy Reagan

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

15). What are your complexes, inhibitions, and superstitions, past and present?

What exactly qualifies? I'm not stalling for time; I just think a lot of things have been lumped together that maybe don't go together.

Superstitions, for some putting food outside on Halloween is a superstition, for me it's a religious practice. I'll admit there is no good reason for tossing spilt salt over your shoulder, except for respecting traditions far older than me.

Inhibitions - an inner impediment to free activity, expression, or functioning: as a : a psychic activity imposing restraint upon another activity. Yes, I did go look that up. Just want to be on the same page. Apparantly I have a sexual one that I haven't discovered the root cause of yet. I opt for the path of least resistance with family turmoil. I hate being labeled the difficult one, the uncooperative one, the one causing all the problems, when I'm supposed to be the dependable one. That may fall under complexes. I freeze up everytime I have to write a cover letter, or any other letter praising me. It's wrong to brag because nothing you have is worth bragging about.

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Electricity and Throwing out

Time for another break. I've gotten through three rooms so far, well 4 if you count the hall between the front and back bedrooms.

The problem with the clutter isn't so much stuff I'm keeping long past due, it's having no place to keep the stuff I need to keep. Books that don't get reshelved right away end up becoming stacks. Material that will use just about all of it by the time Faire starts has to be stored until I can work on it. And just when I think I have one area organized, I have to shove everything else into it because company is coming over. (The back bedroom gets used for this a lot.) The closets in the back bedroom weren't really the problem I thought they were. The main thing is a lot of little things that need to go into the boxes in them. Like the Christmas decorations I got from co-workers need to go in the Christmas box, etc.

Kitchen and office are a different story. That mess is stuff I need to throw out, once I have it scanned into the computer. Never enough time to do that. And I really DON'T want to spend the next weekend which is a three-day chained to my computer. Even though I know it's more beneficial to me in the long run. Damn, damn, damn. I hear the beach calling my name. Unfortunately it will call everybody else too. Maybe a karma deal I'll work Saturday and Sunday if I have Monday off? The rest of the kitchen mess, okay I hate being domestic. I haven't cleaned the fridge out in probably over six months, the floor needs moping, pantry and cabinets organizing.

The living room I need to buy more shelving to put in the entertainment unit. But that's clutter that needs money to organize. *Sigh*

The electricty: I'm on levelized billing which means I have an accuring account balance that gets bigger in summer paid off in winter but the monthly bill remains near the same amount. Well, apparantly there's been a screw up with this month's bill and they want the whole account balance in June. Yes, I'm talking with them on Monday.

The porches: I can't sell anything because that's WHY the stuff is on my porches! They've had two so far, but want to clean out their houses some more and have another one. I can't fight with my mother not when my house has the best location, I want them to dejunck their house, and she can't do everything herself (and my father and sister are not going to help). Though I think I'd be less huffy about it if my chi wasn't entirely blocked off AND stuff hadn't been sitting on my porch since last June!

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Feng Shui

People don't believe in it environment affecting your life. I'm not one of them. It's not a magical cure for everything, but magic works symbolically. Everything is connected, interwoven in the great scheme of life.

Enough poetics. For a while now I've felt that aspects of my life are spiraling out of control. Finances especially, followed by my pro-writing. If it's not a time schedule issue, what is wrong? So after I took Chad home, I gave my house a hard look on paper with Feng Shui Step-by-Step to consult. It's the first Feng Shui book I got, and good for beginners without confusing everything.

Observations:
1). Both porches are blocked with everyone else's junk. I can't get in through the front door because of all the garage sale stuff from the rest of the family. That overflow hit the back porch, and I can barely get out through there. Chi cannot travel into the house and so what chi is in the house is growing stagnant. Stagnant anything is never good. Stagnant water, stagnant oders, stagnant chi, you get the idea.

2). Overall, my worse cluttered rooms are:
a). office in the north, which is ruled by water. Blocked or stagnant chi here (either caused or represented by clutter or badly positioned furniture) hinders smooth flow of professional and financial affairs. (I just got a $273 electric bill, I think finances are in trouble.) Health problems that I have noticed or worried about: sexual debility, tooth decay, nervousness, depression, and lethargy.
b). kitchen in the northwest, which is ruled by metal. Blocked or stagnant chi here causes interruptions to the rhythm of professional affairs. Health problems that I have noticed or worried about: skin problems, degenation of spinal vertebrea, emotional blockages, and melancholy.
c). back bedroom, which is ruled by earth. Blocked or stagnant chi here undermines growth of professional affairs. Health problems that I have noticed or worried about: obseity, insomnia, nervousness, anxiety, insecurity, craving for attention, and loneliness.

3). Using the eight point system you can pinpoint areas in your life that are troubled and take steps to influence them. When the eight points are applied to the whole house, Marriage, Reputation, Money, and Children are the points most cluttered. When the eight points are applied to each room separately, and I tallied how many times the same one was cluttered in different rooms, Career, Friends, Family, Money, Reputation, and Marriage are equally cluttered.

While I can't do anything about the porch situations until other people take action, (No, it's not worth the fight that will last until I die if I hauled it to Goodwill now for them.) I can take steps inside the house. I must take steps inside the house. It's impossible to concentrate when I get this overwhelming sense of having to fix everything in here at once.

I have cleaned my bedroom, but will have to admit that room had the least amount of problems. I need to do some decorating changes, but that has to wait for the money. :p Feel the vicious cycle yet?

Okay enough of a break. Time to get back to cleaning.

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Can I go to the library pleeeeeeaaaaasssseee, Mr. President?

That's right, George W. Bush is the speaker at LSU commencement this morning. Thank the Lord and Lady, I don't have to go! But I have to go to the State Library at lunch since they close at 4:30 and I can't go after work. Will the streets be open by noon? I have no idea.

And Chad is no fun to apologize to. I sent him a grumpy email Thursday morning, then later felt bad about it, and went to go see him after I got off work. "You were cranky, that's all. It didn't bother me." I told him he was no fun to apologize to.

And Wednesday night was spent at Jamie's house visiting with her and Kenn. We didn't end up leaving until 10:30pm. He got dropped off at his apartment, and I went home. :p

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 14

Quote of the Day: War is menstrual envy! -- Feminist anti-war slogan

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

14). What have been your frustrations and disappointments?

Way too many to dwell on. The latest one seems to be lack of time, lack of publishing, and trying to improve my area of Faire that no one from the owners down gives a damn about but the ones that have to work in it (me and my crew). It hit me Tuesday when I was having a spiraling frustration build-up from lack of sleep, that the stupid baron-lord-guy-thingy that hosts the very first joust in A Knight's Tale has a better looking dias than we do!

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Can't win

So gee what should I give up to get more sleep, have more writing time, better concentration at work? Move to Baton Rouge, the city with rent I can't afford to be closer to the bill paying job but away from the house I want to buy and keep in the family. And further away from family which needs me apparantly.

Bill-paying job? Yeah, I can barely eat with what income I have now. No income at all is the much better choice.

Online time? That has already gotten slashed dramatically and still no difference.

Writing? Let me go sharpen that battle-axe over there.

RenFaire? I'm doing as little as I can now, but I have to last the year.

Boyfriend? Oh yeah, that'll make everyone real happy. Mom will be happy cause I'll be sitting at home alone where she can watch me and then she can complain about me having no life again. My friends will be happy cause I'll be online to talk to them. I'll have plenty of time to write while I'm moping around.

I've been alone without a relationship of any significance for my ENTIRE life. I finally get one, and the council is from all sides is "gee you have to ditch something, your life is just too full. Dump the guy, you don't need him."

I'm a little miffed over having gotten no sleep, again. And that was as much my fault as Chad's. But that's an issue we have to work out.

As far as my math, something was wrong with the calculator. 12 + 4 = 16 That's exactly 8 hours left for sleeping, but that isn't enough since I have to get up at 5am (7 hrs.), don't fall asleep until 30 min. to an hour after I turn off lights (6 hrs.). So 5 days of 6 hours at the most is not enough. And the weekend catchup never works, just throws everything off and I'm in worse shape.

So I was right, it's not sleep deprivation psychosis. It's just operating without enough sleep period. Like the rest of the country.

Course I'm doubly miserable now because I can't breathe as well as wanting to crawl back into bed. Don't get me wrong. I love my friends, I love to visit. I just can't do it in the middle of the week.

Time for caffine.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: THE ABOVE RANT IS ONLY APPLICABLE FOR THE TIME IT WAS WRITTEN IN. THE AUTHOR DOES REALIZE NO ONE SERIOUSLY EXPECTS HER TO DO SUCH THINGS, AND IF THEY DID SHE WOULD BOP THEM IN THE HEAD. (Damn, no lime green color for text. That's not fair.)

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 13

Quote of the Day: One of the things politics has taught me is that men are not a reasoned or reasonable sex. -- Margaret Thatcher

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

13). What have been your personal triumphs, past and present?

Getting an op-ed peice published by an independent editor. Wining a trip to Washington D.C. when I was a junior in high school with my writing. Winning second place in creative writing at the Louisiana Beta Convention 1995, and representing the state at the National Convention that summer. Showing my mother a check for the university's literary magazine that my story had won first place.

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WOOT!

Why do I bother signing out of this thing? Anyway, I have plastered it everywhere else, and I don't care if it's a freebie site or not they published something of MINE!!!!!!!!!!

Pause for the dance of joy

Okay I'm better. You can read my article What Does Age Have To Do With It?. Please do read it. I'm obscenely proud of myself. I might try something frothy next.

Have to go. Got a block of paper to throw at my boyfriend.

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Emotional crisis & Exhaustion

Yeap, it's back. Me blathering to the whole damn world, about the things rolling around inside my head.

Though I think I've stumbled on a trend with the emotional crisisi/crisises? Aw heck, what is the plural form of crisis?

The funks hit harder with the less sleep I've had.

Okay, hardly ground shattering, and I'm sure they've already done scientific research into it. I know it's not sleep deprivation psychosis (I love knowing the technical terms for things :D), like I had last summer. More like the sleep bank in my brain is making more withdrawals than deposits and running low on funds.

Example: yesterday I felt awful. I didn't want to be at work and everytime I thought about everything I had to do for Faire, I got more depressed, frustrated, and angry. And I wasn't even discussing it with anyone, just thinking and researching. I decided around lunch time to crawl into bed as soon as I got home, and if I still felt like crap go to the doctor today.

I was nearly asleep before 8pm, before somebody knocked on the back door and left my mail on the doorstep. Why can't they use the phone like NORMAL people? If all the fricking lights are off, I don't want to be bothered. I cooked some grits, ate and went back to bed. Mustard decided he needed more food and I need to feed him before 4am. That cat is going to find himself flung against the wall one of these mornings.

So I didn't get up exactly on time because of fighting with my cat. But I feel better. I feel a lot more confident about the plan of action I decided on yesterday for Faire, and just generally more upbeat. So it must be the sleep.

So I started on some calculations. Well I started them to have a really good argument as to what the hell is wrong with those three adults that they can't get laundry done in the 12 hours Monday - Friday that I am gone.
I leave for work 6:30 am.
I get home from work at 6:30 - 7pm depending on different facts.
That's 12 hours. I usually don't crawl into bed until 10 - 10:30pm. That's nearly 4 more hours. 12 + 4 = 20 Out of a 24-hour day, that leaves 4 hours for sleeping. Well really 3, since the alarm is set for 5am.

Maybe it is sleep deprivation psychosis.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 12

Quote of the Day: In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -- Margaret Thatcher

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

12). What have been your most powerful sexual or romantic experiences?

Don't worry, I'll keep it clean. Actually because anything dirty is none of your damn business.

Faire had just ended, was it one week or two? Amazing what details are clear and what falls away as unimportant. It was before Angel left for Arizona, and I was at the Inn to watch a movie, and trying to make out without hurting Angel's feelings. He had just had a very public and painful breakup with another cast member. It was time for me to go home and Chad walked me out to my car. We ended up walking around the lake, to the joust field, back to my car, avoiding the other groups of rovers, and talking. And we finally talked about us. And more kissing.

Have you heard a really good kiss described as "curling your toes"? Those were the kisses on that moonlit, December night.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 11

Quote of the Day: I'm not giving up my writing hour come hell or high water. What do you mean "it's high water"? -- Me

Personal note: I won't be online tonight. I'm going to crawl into bed as soon as I get home in hopes that more sleep will improve my mood.

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

11). What have been your most powerful (intense, significant, formative) non-sexual experiences (during childhood, adolecence, maturity)?

I'm mature? Okay, so that is debatable.

Significant experience that comes to mind happened when I was in the ninth grade, a freshman in high school. No longer a stranger, since the middle school had to be closed at the end of my sixth grade year and seventh and eighth grades were spent on the high school campus. Travel back in time to 1992. (What's going to be scary is when that actually becomes a period to go back to in the movies.) I had been writing continuously (well, it came in spurts but the spurts were more frequent) since 1988. The English teacher took one of my short stories to read to the class. I was trying to create a modern Gothic, a girl haunted and killed by her incestual deceased older brother (possibly step-brother, those details are fuzzy).

Nobody got it. A story I thought was so clear needed Superman's X-ray vision for anyone else to understand it. Even worse, none of my classmates thought my writing was something special, something unique. "So-and-so has stories too. She should get the teacher to read them too." That was devestating. I think it was part of the reason I first turned to fanfics; my friends who liked the original universe would be the only ones who saw them. But even their praise of "wow, this is good" grew stale.

I fluctuated between fanfics and originals all through high school, not even knowing what a fanfic was. The Internet wasn't available until after I got to college. I remember a friend giving back a story with "that was good. I really liked the characters." I hadn't had to pull the second sentence from him with pliers and was overjoyed.

I wish I would have had Orson Scott Card's checklist back then to hand people who wanted to read my stories.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 10

Quote of the Day: I am capable of parading down the road of the oblivious. -- Me!

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

10). Who have you disliked intensely?

I don't know if I've had a passionate hating experience against a person. People who annoy me, the ones that make me hide in the closet than deal with them, yeap, plenty of those. I call them chalkboard people, because they make you feel like you're the fingernail being dragged across one.

The one who comes to mind first is S. S. is a fount of kindness, eager to do the right thing, eager to do anything. After three seconds in a converstaion that threatens to go on forever, your brain screams at her to get to the point already while your lips refuse to let it out.

S. also believes just talking to kids affects the desired changes in their behavior. Consequently, everyone flees from the terrors she calls her darlings. The cast party is a perfect example.

Cast party is always on the coldest night of the season without fail. I had a seat next to the file with S.'s daughter screaming behind me. She wanted out of her stroller because she was tired, cold, cranky, and probably hungry. S.'s son--also behind me--whined because his sister was getting all Mommy's attention. And I was stuck trying to figure out which of the choices running through my head was the correct answer. A). Stay put and not lose a fire seat. B). Pop the kids. They deserve it and it's probably dark enough not to get caught. C). Run for my car. Socializing ain't worth it. D). Take S.'s kids away from her for their own good.

Hate her? No. Crazy enough to spend an entire day with her and her kids? Not even if I was paid for it.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 9

Quote of the Day: As a woman I can't go to war, and I refuse to send anyone else. -- Jeanette Rankin, the sole member of Congress to vote against the U.S. entry into World War II.

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

9). Who have you loved intensely?

Intensely, meaning the same as passionately? I love Chad deeply, a steady bedrock that doesn't shift. A good thing, given how everything else tends to shift around us. Not the same as the crushes I have had. Thoase have been the adrenline rushes and panic attacks and too shy and awkward and ugly to do anything about it. The one time I screwed up my courage and made the first move on a guy, kissing him on a moonlit walk around the campus, he didn't love me back. And showed his true colors about a year later. I'd rather hold onto Chad, trusting that bedrock, and let the passion develop in the moment.

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Good-bye

I can't be trusted with any online friendships. My insane way of taking perceived hurts out on friends has cost me another friendship. I'm obviously too sensitive about everything right now. Red says I'm abusing her and that's probably right, since I can't seem to communicate how I feel to anyone. And I keep trying to explain the hurt away or at least just explain the hurt and I'm told to get over it. So I'm wrong. How I feel is always wrong. The more I try to explain, the more I abuse. And everyone else just looks on in bewilderment.

I don't want to fight; I just want my feelings validated. And an apology. But nobody thinks I deserve one. I don't. I'm just too bitchy. I snap and snarl at everyone when I feel wounded like this. But the wound is from something I'm told never happened, despite me trying to explain what caused it.

Red thinks her view is valid because she thinks she told the truth. No apology necessary. I'm in denial about how I feel about Carbine, so it doesn't matter what I say. For me, not believing what I say is the same as calling me a liar.

I think I told the truth about her art post deletion and she's in denial about that. But I apologize and let it drop because I was in the wrong about taking it public. She says she's over the art post. I let it drop. When I bring up another problem, it's all tied back to my problem with Carbine after I said that had nothing to do with it.

I'm a liar again. But she says she never called me a liar. And that's technically true, she has never out-and-out said "you liar." But I feel as though she did.

So am I wrong for feeling hurt that who I considered a friend is calling me a liar and telling me to get over feeling hurt? Or for wanting an apology for it? If I'm wrong please tell me where.

It's not going to happen. The apology. I'm obviously delusional for even wanting one when I've been such a horrible, evil, vile, vicious creature that should be burned at the stake.

This blog was supposed to make me deal with this stuff better. Clear up my feelings, clear up my obstufication, helping me de-sensitize to all these delusional hurts that come out of nowhere and are never intended to hurt me.

I'm taking myself out of circulation until these insane fluctuating emotions stop. So no more personal rants and raves in the blog. I'll just leave it for the author exercises.

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Communication Skills

For a writer, I must have lousey communication skills. I tell people "I don't hate Carbine" and their repsonse is "Yeah, right, look at your stories." I tell people "You can't judge how a person feels by an artform that is calculated to envoke certain feelings in the reader. That kind of logic leads to locking Stephen King up as a mass murderer because that's all he writes about." And their response is "You are in such denial. Look at your stories. Of course you hate Carbine."

I asked my Carbine bashing question back in January 2003, so I must have been concerned before then. The "Who Does Charley Get" thread started in June 2003.

So for well over a year, I've been called a liar behind my back or to my face. I can see the eyerolling from here. Oh but Red calling me a liar was just a misunderstanding because I'm in denial and look at my stories for the proof. I'm surprised I haven't "over-reacted" before now.

Okay fine, so I'll stick with Plan A to prove y'all wrong.

Then the bitch hits me on a public forum. Since everything I say is always considered wrong by this bitch and I don't want to cause a bigger scene by hitting back, I email the moderators to intervene. I rant to my journal about the hitting issue and other issues I have with her--I'm not denying they are there but I can ignore the jackass over those.

And then I'm told I'm over-reacting about the Carbine issue again. THE BITCH FUCKING HIT ME! And that's what I explained was upsetting me.

Course now it's going to be "we're not calling you a liar." But saying you don't believe me or what I say is calling me a liar. The only thing that comes close to lies from me is writing fiction, and that's only because it's made up actions to explain and entertain on the truth of the human condition.

Now it's going to be over-reacting on being called a liar. I guess I'm supposed to put on a happy face when my friends call me names. But if their response is "we're not calling you a liar" then it must be a lack of communication somewhere. So that's how I came to the conclusion that I'm a writer with lousey communication skills.

*Sigh* So this non-communicating writer is going to rant on ageism if I can ever find the reference material and send it to Useless Knowledge. I hope it's not a permenant disability.

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Growling with frustration

Quote of the Day: Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it. -- Senator Dianne Feinstein

I'm going to end up hurting that child, as Jazzie called her. Hurt her badly. She seems to be under the impression that we are equals. Hardly. We may see the Ogress tromping again if Red even bothers reading that thing she calls a story with no plot structure, character development, or empathy and sees what she did to Stoker. Right, like that has validity from the series which her last post (the one that has me ticked off because I can't go to Finland and ram her teeth down her throat) claims ALL her stories have. Bull-fucking-shit.

She is right about one thing, you can't please every reader. And I'm not trying to. I'm just sick and tired of it being said that blank is morally wrong and I must be some sick twisted fuck to even think that way.

*Sigh* That's probably reading too much into it. But when you work with people who are always calling you crazy, your family thinks your a little off, you know alcoholism and child molestation run in your family--hey true insanity can't be that far away. Some days you feel like you're right on the abyss, other days are great. You go to fandom to seek acceptance over at least something you share in common. Not expecting total agreement, that's boring. But acceptance means EVERYONE's views are valid. Even the person who sees Throttle and Vinnie as the hottest slash couple around.

But no, something is wrong with me because I like to explore a particular fertile what-if. And it must be fertile, given how may stories have branched off the idea.

Okay, so I'm taking it too personally. I'm working on some ideas, purposily exploring tangents and what-ifs I have left alone, and letting the subject drop. AND SHE'S GOING TO PUNCH ME!

In reflection, it's probably a good thing there's an ocean between us. I've managed to keep my hot head from landing me in jail this long, I'd hate to break the record. I don't care what the rest of the bitch's bullshitting post says. After I apologized mid-rant, after she's claimed I've got a psychological agenda for everything I write (see the Stoker story for that lovely bit of hypocrisy), after I answered her rather nicely giving how I was feeling at the time on Unofficial's Board (the moronic bitch doesn't even read a goddamned Author's Note when I post a page long one spelling out by episode where I got my what-ifs), I decided that Plan A is the only solution. AND SHE'S HITS ME!

This was supposed to be a nice posting day. Work was calm. I prettied the blog page and made a profile. I was going to chat a little bit, answer a question, and work on money and Zy's novel. Now it's time to hit the road. I'm fine, everything's fine. I've vented and I'm fine. And not the Aerosmith F.I.N.E. either. :p The other mods can handle her or chose not to. I've got Plan A. Though I'm positive she'll find something objectionable in it as well.

Time to go home, work on money, and see if a new Trojan has found my computer. If it has, screw what Chad says about dial-up, the firewall is going back up. No time for the question today.

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Feeling Chatty

I think my script concersn got overshadowed by personal life issues. Now that life has settled down (though work may have something new crop up :p), I still have the script concerns.

I want to keep the basic premise: Biker Mice crash on Earth, meet Charley, and find out the Plutarkians are on Earth too.

What I want to change:
1). Make the promise and loss of going home more poignant. -- This should be a big thing and it was just glossed over except for a few episodes.

2). Make the bad guys bad instead of just comedic. -- Don't get me wrong, I like the comedy. But having them be a lot more efficient and still lose will up the ante for
#3.

3). The invasion of Earth in inevitable. -- The Plutarkians are going to get tired of the slow progress and invade in mass.

4). Need more Earth Freedom Fighters. -- Charley needs the idea to start her own. And their needs to be more Earthling who have realized something's not kosher.

5). Relationship shakeups and new characters. -- I'm considering adding Hannah to the roster with a changed creation story. For relationship shakeup, Modo and Charley--mostly because of Hannah. Vinnie raising kids scares me. Not something I want to explore yet.

6). Dialogue. -- My initial concern has been solved. Making the changes to the plot to inact the above points means brand new dialogue. I'll keep the catch phrases, mainly because I like them.

Let me know what you think.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 8

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

8). Which relationships in your life have involved conflict (in your family, in your romantic life, in your friendships, in your work life)?

All of the above to different degrees of conflict. Chad and I haven't had a real spat yet, just me wailing about money and him agreeing with me.

Family: Mom and I butt heads, not as much as during the teenage years, but she never listens and I'm too high-strung about stuff. No, I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect to have my porch back by the time Krista hits 30. (She's 20 now.) Kai has the middle-kid syndrome, always neglected yet has had more money poured into her various things than me and Krista combined. I tell people that when I was 4 I asked for a horse and a baby sister. My parents got me the sister. The horse would've been cheaper. She's not as bad as she used to be toward me, but her and Krista, whew!

Friendships: see last weekend.

Work: They all think I'm crazy. I think they're all crazy, so it's a pretty fair deal. Chad says I'm not crazy other than working for the state, which breeds a certain kind of insanity but nothing dangerous. We've managed not to kill anyone in our office and mostly get along. Considering that we see each other more than we see our familes, that's probably a good thing.

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Second Tries

Quote of the Day: Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel. -- Bella Abzug

Well I packed the Mother's Day project to mail and forgot the money stuff I packed to figure out my budget for this check. Sometimes you just get can't win. I didn't want to deal with money today anyway, so maybe I have won.

The living room still has the office mess. I'm going to have to work on that tonight. It's ridiculous that in order to clean one room, you must clutter up at least two more. It's looking like time to reorganize the books, since I'm running out of shelf room again. I'm probably going to switch over the the Dewey Decimal system for nonfiction, as my current groups are inadequate. That's going to make reorganizing the database fun. At least I made progress in separating crucial money mail from the non-crucial and probably junk mail.

And after I through with the office, it'll be time to go through the FILES *cue scary organ music*. The files in question are the ones I've been carting since before college. A lot of them I want/need to keep, but in a digital format.

I like the changes they've made to Blogger; it's working pretty good.

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Jotted Notes

I feel like I'm marking time. I want the approach to Cobaine's fortress to be cautious and professional but it's boring the writer.

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Cleaning Fit (Flashback May 9, 2004)

It was a free day. Of course, instead of sitting and trying to write, I go on a cleaning spree.

Not right at first though. I saw my company off first, and then gave Mom her Mother's Day gift. She loved the bistro plates I found.

Then I puttered around the office. Tried to get the HP LaserJet printer I liberated from Dad working. It hasn't so far. I'm hoping a new toner cartridge will do the trick.

Next came shoving everything around in the office. Cleaned off the desk and moved most of that into the living room so I can go through it. I want to put another chair into my office, but I don't know if I have room for it. Do know I don't have room with all the crates and piles of boxes that I usually keep stacked in there.

Break time almost over.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 7

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

7). How would you describe your temperment?

Damn, if that ain't timely. Volitile. Nitroglycerin sweated off a stick of dynamite shaped like a cactus. I'm overly sensitive and going into a field where rejection is the normal procedure. Skin is so thin it can be transparant.. Hurt me or mine and I lash out with what I hope is razor-sharp wit. Violent. Apologetic to the friends who never really deserve the outrage.

I want to learn how to shrug it all off. But the harder I try, the more everything gets to me.

In need of professional help, that's the best way to describe my temperment.

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Tired Friday

Quote of the Day: The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes. -- Bella Abzug

In the doctor's office and have no desire to write fiction. Hugh Jackman was on TV, talking up Van Helsing. He has got the greatest smile.

Not wanting to think is because I didn't crawl into bed until midnight. Chad had to do laundry; I had to finish the cover art. Skipped my writing hour and traffic slowed me down. I hate that soul sucking commute.

I took the finished Mother's Day prject to Kinko's before work. WHEEE! Only around $4 per book. I guess they expect people to buy more than one. I finally decided on what I want as binding and getting that done after work.

Saturday is cast call and I'll be having a gang at my house again. SO that means cleaning enough room for them tonight. Ugh, it's always a problem with the furniture. And I can't put anything on the porches as a temporary measure, 'cause the porches are filled with garage sale stuff from my family. I can't win that fight; I've been battling it over a year now.

I really just need a month off to go through everything and sort it, toss it, or put it on the computer and then toss it. Course I need that month for yard work, writing, building a joust field, etc. Maybe I'll take stress leave next.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 6

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

6). If you had to describe your physical appearance, what would you mention first?

My eyes. Eyes are the windows of the soul, another writer said before. Color is a blue grey that loves to shift depending on what I'm wearing. Sometimes I think they're too small for my face, and I hate the black smudges under them from constant lack of sleep. My eyelashes are long and black. I never need any of those lengthing mascaras. I don't think they've changed much since I was a child. I hope they never do. Too lose the sense of wonder, you lose what makes you a writer.

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I Should Know Better

Roughly twelve hours without allergy meds equals one miserable day. I took something this morning, but everything neck up still hurts.

Figured out what happened to my board sigs, and the same thing happened to all the pics I put up. :p I'll fix that on a slower basis. Plus that gives me a chance to put all Morning's pics in one directory.

Finally finished the copyediting work last night. Have to finish the cover art tonight. Looking like a Saturday mailing date on this project. I'll have to redraw the katana, it got smudged. And then have to figure out shading with PaintShop.

It's Walky! has had its first casualty, or a precog casualty. Either way, I wasn't too convinced with the hype of killing off the characters before now.

I think the blog will work better if I divide up the rambles from the exercises. I'm going back and edit the others, and start that today.

I have a go ahead on the script idea. Now revisioning won't be hard; I've done that before. I don't know about dialogue. There are some bits and lines I just love, but should I leave them out because they're from a different writer? TMNT had it easier, I think.

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Getting Back to the Exercises

Quote of the Day:
when people ask me why I am running as a woman, I always answer, "What choice do I have?" -- Patricia Schroeder

So I need to work on quashing the must-explain syndrome. Chad says it's from the teacher in me. :p Jazz recommends an out-of-sight journal. I just hope it doesn't count as another abusive email.

We had Chinese buffet for lunch, a break we all needed. The only problem is the best place in Baton Rouge is also the busiest. And they're building a new (and unneccessary) Wal-Mart in that area too. Great Wall got a great new building out of the deal, but parking is choatic.

Cover art was the goal last night. All I need is the Biker Mice gun by itself. Problem: all the pictures available have somone holding the gun. Got a tracing done of the gun from the line art, which is a design never used on the show. I'm going to try to get the show gun with a hand (since drawing in the missing handle doesn't work) tonight. If it doesn't work I go with what I have now. Like all this perfectionism really matters.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 5

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

5). What are your special abilities and areas of expertise or particular knowledge?

I'm good at Jeopardy and Jazzie says I have a sarcastic wit. Being a 17th century pirate ehm, privateer. Getting principles in the way of being diplomatic.

Okay, so I definately need to work on this question more.

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Hangover

Nothing worse than being hungover and done nothing the night before to warrant it. But then a crying binge, not going to bed till 11pm, and then having my cat wake me up at 2am add up to me wanting to crawl back into bed after shooting out the sun.

At least there's no puking.

On the other hand, that would've kept me home for sure. But that would have left work with only one batcher today. Too conscientious and it happened just two weeks ago.

Off May 31st, woot!

I think the Excedrin and caffine have kicked in finally. What a night.

How to answer Jazzie's question. Differences of perception made worse by a temper tantrum from me. We're working it out.

Course I never got to do what I needed to do, which is work on the Mother's Day project. I forgot that I had ran out of tracing paper and I need an outline of the pics for cover art. I'm not fighting with PaintShop just to get an outline. While I'm thinking about it, I should probably greyscale my insignia. Of course, I was in no condition to copyedit last night either. I'll probably start on that during lunch after I type this blog and my writing hour. I need to get it in the mail on Thursday.

Ugh, out of time for the exercises again. I think I might need to make those separate posts.

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48 Hours

I'll be fair. Give time for a response. I reacted out of anger, and I should apologize. But if by 4:30 Wednesday there has been no response to my apology letter, I'll withdraw from Red Planet and Pen to Paper because I am no longer welcome there.

I will miss both boards. And I will miss the friends I made there more.

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Mondays Suck

Quote of the Day: I have a brain and a uterus, and I use both. -- Patricia Schroeder

Nobody is ever ready to start work again.

Apparantly I'm in the doghouse with everyone now. No answers to any of my emails. Don't know why either. I commented on Red's art. Apparantly Red didn't like what I said, delted the thread, and slammed Red Planet as being the cause of it all. I stood up for the board and my comment, and emailed her. I guess it's true, nobody like being told they're acting like an idiot; no answer to my email and Red's next post was to tell everyone else they had no worries. So yes, the problem is with me. No answer to my second email. Maybe my tone was too harsh. Why should I be harsh? Deleting a whole thread because you have a problem with one entry is stupid. And if the person who wrote it is your friend, what is wrong with contacting them with the problem? And I'm supposed to take anything dished out to my stories with a smile on my face, and everyone else gets to stomp their feet? Okay, so I'm mad and hurt.

Don't know why I'm bothering to blog all this. Not like they're reading it. I've been dumped, which on the Internet sounds just like a modem hanging up. If I'm wrong just TELL ME I'M WRONG! Don't abandon me. Don't leave me out in the cold.

I never should have wrote how much that hurts me. Gave everyone a weapon now. "Just ignore her and she'll slink away."

Sorry for bothering any reader out there with this, but Mondays suck worse when you've been abandoned by who you thought were your friends and you could be honest to without that happening.

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The BookWorm

So apparantly it's me

Annoyed Red?

How do I feel? Hurt. I thought we had a stronger friendship than that. Which is why I emailed her the first email. Friends don't let friends act stupid.

Then again, maybe I'm the only one who really feels that way.

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Taking a break

Been working on the Mother's Day project pretty much all day, once I got through speaking my mind on the same subject on Red's blog, Red Planet, and an email to her. Probably should add something about not being able to shut up once my buttons get pushed to keep track of personality quirks to give characters. Then again it probably falls under the no like it when something else if being slammed. Red Planet is a good board.

:p Okay that can go on for a while if I let myself get started.

Do need to remember to email Jazzie about when she's off.

Also need to remember to lose more weight before summer really kicks in. *Pulling down shorts that have ridden up.

Back to work.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 4

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

4). What have been your hobbies and leisure activities, past and present?

WRITING! Bike riding, cartoons, swimming, reading, board games, designing and maintaining web pages, roleplaying, interactive theater in the realms of RenFaires, coloring, cooking.

I know I'm supposed to be much more descriptive with these things, but there's never enough time. Something expand upon later I guess.

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Script idea and Weekend plans

I despise being broke. Loathing it doesn't even come close. The only time I haven't had to battle between paychecks is when I had two jobs. Quite frightening was the realization yesterday that I probably make around $900 a month, but have the expenses of $1800. Chad did point out that the working two jobs was a bad thing, which I agree with. But if the pay raise doesn't cut it and I don't start selling soon, I don't know what I can do. I'm afraid to pawn my possessions; I may never get enough money to get them back.

I'll get what bills I can wrote out tonight. I did bring them to work to do, but never got a chance since this was a deadline day. Icky weather too, but at least that kept the walk-ins away. Thunderstorms all weekend. And if Chad's roof leaks on me, I'm going home. :p

Still no stress this weekend. I have the Mother's Day project to do (though I'm not sure how I can pay for it), and trying to figure out what time is good weekend-wise for writing. Suppose to schedule for your most creative time of the day. I've been working in snatch mode for so long, I'm not sure when that time is.

Possibly working on Gemz idea. Well, I already had the idea but at least her wanting to do animation gives me carte blanche, possibly. Haven't heard back from her. But ever since Rick Ungar said he wanted to start the series over, I've been thinking of how to redo "Rock & Ride" and keep the magic it had. I enjoyed the playwriting class I had in college, I already visualize the stories in my head as a movie, and I want to write the new series scripts and get paid for it. Okay, I do realize the last part may have to wait till second season if it goes through at all. Still, I need to prove to myself I can turn out a professional product.

My ideas so far:
1). Keep basic premise: Bros crash on Earth, meet Charley, discover Limburger, have to stay on Earth.
2). Make promise and loss of home more poignant. Yeah, they're macho mice but if my timeline is anything to go by (and I don't have anything else) they have been away from years trying to make their way home.
3). Make the invasion of Earth inevitable. Which means the bad guys get a lot nastier, maybe not too much. Way I see it, you should have an over-arc story. Second or third season should end with the invasion of Earth starting.
4). Charley getting the idea to create her own Freedom Fighters and start working toward that goal. Albiet, something not understood until Season Two.

And no, I really haven't done a lot of brainstorming on this at all. I still like my idea of a captured Carbine, but that would probably mean Mars lost more than it gained. Hmm, unless it was a recent capture.

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Forgetting the Fun

Quote of the Day: I'm no lady; I'm a member of Congress, and I'll proceed on that basis. -- Mary Norton

I've been so focused on disclipning my work and work schedule, I had forgotten the fun. While I still need to stick to a regiment on the weekends; if I don't miss work Monday through Friday, I get a lot done. Course, I always get stressed out with a deadline. Now the pirates stuff is done, except turning the info into web pages.

And even though I didn't get any writing done yesterday, I did get a grasp--a visualization--on the opening of the next section. Very important section when she learns the killer is a repeat offender and gains a sidekick.

Something for the story idea folder: Forgotten Diver Saved by Boy Scout
Ex-nurse pleads guilty to patient deaths

So tired today and it's all Chad's fault. No not that way :p, you gutter minds. He didn't get back from giving his proposal until 10pm, so I didn't get in bed till 11.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 3

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

3). What have been your occupations, past and present?

Writer, student, peer counselor/R.A., receptionist, Sonic carhop, customer service represenative for Spirint, data entry with the title Insurance Compliance Tech. 2, RenFaire neighborhood leader.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 2

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

2). What places have you lived long enough to know them well?

Pumpkin Center, Louisiana. It's not an actually incorporated town, because years ago when it came up the farmers listened to the rumors that taxes was going to rise and voted against it. Though my mother tells me that the sense of community was destroyed when the Interstate was built.

Natchitoches, Louisiana. Five years for a diploma. Can point out all the buildings that are part of the Steel Magnolias tour. Learned to leave the car parked Christmas Festival weekend.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Not really living here, but commuting in five days a week. A town trying to flee the river through urban sprawl and trying to revitalize itself. But it is Football Town, LSU and Southern both won national titles last year. Just imagine what would happen if the New Orleans Saints would win a Superbowl. Hell, if they just made it to a Superbowl.

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Progress on Zy's Novel

Quote of the Day: If American politics are too dirty for women to take part in, there's something wrong with American politics. -- Edna Ferber

Finally got the first section of chapter three finished. It has been giving me fits just trying to find time to work on it. I'm such a creature of schedule.

I'm not finished with the first question, but the book recommends leaving space and going back. And if I keep spending a blog a day on each question of the exercise, I'll have blogs planned for the next two years.

I'm just a bit worried about references. Zy has spent her life devouring mysteries, and uses them to influence the detective she is trying to be. Maybe a special section in the back explaining the references. Nothing as absolute as footnotes, nobody likes footnotes in fiction. Though I wish Sayers had some with the French translated.

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Getting Started

Quote of the Day: Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -- Maryon Pearson

I figured I'd wait on the exercises until I finished the whole book, but all I'd have to write about is stuff I'd rather not dwell on. And judging how long it takes me to get through the questions; I need a head start.

I did break it to Chad over the phone, which may have been a mistake. He wants me to delegate more, but the problem is I don't have anyone to delegate to! Maybe there will be more help after cast call. Reminder--make flyers. Also, let him get past the job proposal before trying to pin down how he feels about the situation.

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Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1 Question 1

Crossroads: An Author Self-Interrogation Chapter 1

Instructions: Write out the following information about yourself in detail. The more candid and complete you are in your responses, the more resource material you will have to draw from for writing ideas. Be liberal rather than conservative in your estimation of what should be included, and leave room for further additions later. For the purpose of this exercise, there is no such thing as an insignificant experience, and reticence is inappropriate. Include specific scenes or dramatized recollections wherever possible.

1). What is your ethnic background, especially your culture experience of that ethnicity, its language, customs, foods, rituals, etc.?

My ethnic background is Southern American Caucasian. Try finding that selection on a standardized form. Caucasian is the politically-correct, scientific terminology for white. United States of America is the land of the free and the home of the brave, and land of my birth. The South is a region of America unlike anywhere else on Earth.

I grew up when it was still safe to play outside, before parents became hawks eyeing their dinners. A country girl, my great-grandmother had 21 acres next door to my parents' one to romp on.

Romance lingers in the South. I don't mean men wooing women, but the older tradition of the word. Magic and mystery decay and fill the air with heady brooding. The Gothic tradition is still alive. Is it any wonder that the South produced Edgar Allen Poe and William Faulkner, and has attracted so many others?

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No More Rejections

Quote of the Day: Well, I've got you the presidency, what are you going to do with it? -- Florence Harding, with of the 29th president

I got No More Rejections by Alice Orr by accident. I was supposed to say no for that selection but I forgot to do it. I started reading this weekend and now I'm glad I've got it. This blog will probably be changing direction again, so I can take advantage of the exercises she makes available.

In the meantime, on the time issue, I haven't reached a decision yet. As Chad and I discussed it (or rather he just listened to me rant), there is pay work, websites, tutorials, and RenFaire. Pay work isn't going anywhere unless I win the Powerball this week. Websites aren't a daily chore. I probably have a smattering of work the week before updates and then I'm through. Tutorials is writing and publishing, and I'm actually ahead in terms of writing them.

That leaves Faire, or more importantly, management in Faire, which I'm taking less and less pleasure in doing. It's not the people, because they are family, but all the responsibility. On the other hand, there's nobody who will take my neighborhood and I can't blame them. If I had known 5 years ago what I know now, I would have picked a different area to begin with.

I still need to consider it more, but I'm leaning toward this being my last year as a neighborhood leader. I'll stay involved, and I'll be guild leader of the pirates (provided I get an actual crew this year), but I'm tired and I need to focus concentration elsewhere.

Wonder how well this is going to go over with Chad.

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About 15 minutes...

... to give myself some therapy before lunch is over.

I have issues. I can normally ignore them, or give them the brush off they deserve except when my defenses are low. Course they always wait till then to pounce.

I have an irrational fear of driving everyone who likes me away. I never had any real friends until 6th grade, and those have drifted apart. College was another good opportunity to make friends, and I'm proud to say I'm still in contact with a few. Another group shut me out in the coldest way imaginable. Made worse by the fact that the guy I had a crush on made himself the spokesperson of the group. I came home with a sarcastic hide that was damn near bulletproof. My best friend Billy was the one to finally reach me how much I was hurting others.

So now when the shrew comes out I have a backlash that I've hurt someone. Hence my over abundance of apologizing.

Maybe Foxy and Jazzie's right; I need a vacation. But it's not the writing part that gets to me; it's the finding time for it amid everything else that must be done. Cripes, I haven't edited the stupid lecture yet or put out the next tutorial.

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Am I normal?

Tomara says my behavior sounds normal. Maybe that's why Chad always laughs when I call myself crazy; he's worked in a psychiatric hospital.

But what else can I be? I lash out at friends. I purposefully self-sabatogue my true vocation. I channel this crazy shrew bitch when ever things don't go my way, but only with the things I dictate myself to do.

My mother calls it dramatics, which just her way of say act like a normal angry person. So I am crazy, fucked up in the head and nothing to cure it.

At least I don't go around eating people.

Apologizing doesn't work. I suppose I can't blame people. Who wants to stay around a screaming crazy cussing shrew?

Still I had to go to Chad. Since I couldn't email the stupid file for the CD-ROM handout for the Teachers' Workshop and by the time I see him again on Friday, he wouldn't have anytime to work on it. And I found the missing notes. And I figured out that scanning the stupid black and white pics in full color probably attributed to the huge file size.

Last night was not a night for winning. And I probably ruined a friendship with it.

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Sick days

Didn't intend to have three days off this week, but I had dizzy spells, and on and off nuasa most of the day Sunday. Chad feared that it was something wrong with my sugar, and since my back waand neck were frozen and refused to move without pain, I went to the doctor on Monday. They took blood and gave me Monday and Tuesday off, which I took. The blood work came back fine. Which means I'm now just getting overheated by sitting outside in the shade. Worrisome, but not as bad as coming down with diabetes.

So I'm spending the time resting and catching up. Mostly resting Monday; today is catching up. I already finished my running around errands. Now kitchen cleaning, office cleaning, and writing. And I am determined to do that last one.

3pm and I have finished the kitchen, as much as I am able to do.

6pm and I am almost finished with the hand out on pirates I need for Saturday. Going to fix some supper and then start writing.

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Update ahead of schedule

Yes, currently uploading as we speak. CHeck out the Awards page of Alt. Biker Mice Site.

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Friday at last

Quote of the Day: A writer is someone who cannot not write. ... Consider the opposite: a nonwriter is someone who can write or not, who does not have the drive and need to put words to paper. A writer is someone who looks forward to the day's work, even if it lasts only an hour or two before the writer has to dash to a job that supports him and his family until such happy time that the writing itself may be economically rewarding. On those days when external circumstances prevent his writing, a writer feels a hollowness, an absence, a longing. -- Sol Stein How to Grow a Novel (xiv - xv)

It's come a few times. Other things preventing my writing or having to skip the writing time altogether. Chad really not understanding it. Red saying she's in love with the idea of writing.

I first recognized I was different back in 1993 or 1994. I can remember the time frame, but not the exact dates. I had finished writing my first Legend of Zelda fanfic and encouraged my friend Mervin to write a fanfic on Mega Man. He finished it, and another friend left it in his locker at the end of the school year. Hope the janitor enjoyed; I never got a chance to read it.

My first response was "Too bad, when will you start writing it over?" And I got THAT LOOK--the one that says why in the world did you just say that. Mervin said he wasn't.

I realized I would rewrite it. I may always feel the first was better and the second was an inferior copy, but I would rewrite.

It's not bragging. I have lost a story due to someone stealing my folder, and I rewrote and hate that story. I still have issues trying to remember everyone is not like that. Same issues I have with people not reading. How can you go a whole day without reading?

Oh well guess this post doesn't have a point.

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The BookWorm

Thursday blahs that were cured fairly early

Quote of the Day: Writer = one who cannot not write. -- Paraphrased definition

I got all the new submissions ready to upload yesterday. Now I'm bogged down with adding comments script to items that don't have it and updating the database. The From Mars Archive still won't be ready; there's just so much to edit. And I need to remember to check the stats of visitors to the site. I'm pretty sure I've got that ability even though I don't have a web counter. SOmething to do with checking bandwidth usage I think.

Writing: I typed on the pirate lecture and "Let Us Give Thanks" yesterday. Didn't get any writing done on Zy's novel, but I was cramming to get the update done so I won't be all weekend on it. Doesn't look like I'll get much writing on Zy's novel today either, typing up a letter, this blog, and pirate lecture.

Taxes: I had to pay both Federal and State. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. And all cause my W2 was filled out incorrectly at my primary job. And don't anyone tell me the amount ain't bad. On my take home pay, it hurts.

Odd email: London found a reference to that email addy in use in 2002. It's starting to look more legit. She's checking on the animation rumor mill. If it is legit, I guess we should start crafting together a response letter.
Update: WHEEE! It's not a fake! Working on response letter.

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I hate having my sense of belief messed with

Some may know and some may not, but we recently had issue with a coward who wanted to slam FoxFire by going through the Alt. BM Site instead of saying what he felt on the Unoffical's Message Board (where he was sure to get blasted). He called me a henchwoman, heh. They get paid. Anyways Foxy put it up on the Board where it belonged.

Today, Alt. BM Site's submission email gets a message from Rick Ungar about the site and future BMFM plans.

I want to believe. Oh how I want to believe, especially after looking at this thing for so many hour today working on the update.

But I can't if the asshole has decided to use this method to hurt people, especially us.

Smeg-head.


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Chit-Chat

Quote of the Day: Remember the Ladies, and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of Husbands. Remember all Men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the Ladies we are determined to forment a Rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any Laws in which we have no voice, or Representation. -- Abigail Adams

There was another trailer that impressed me Captain Sky and the World of Tomorrow: Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, Casey Affleck, and Bai Ling. Black and white, and the robots are styled after the old 1950s science fiction art. Looks like it will be a fun homage film.

Finally got Access to cooperate last night. I was building a query and it kept adding another query into it. The records jumped from 135 to nearly 18,000. I discoverd that after I started printing. Luckily, I caught it before all 545 pages printed. The print out makes it easier to add in the new submissions, less jumping between window screens trying to remember filenames and numbers. Setting up the comments fields should be easier too, now that I remembered the database already has a unique name for each submission.

Took tomorrow off for a funeral; a RenFaire friend's mother just died. I'm going to put the rest of the day to good use on something. What something I don't know yet. I need to finish typing the pirate lecture, work on the Alt BM Site, clean house, sew doublet, tutorials to work on. Better get up at my usual time.

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About the trip

We left later than I wanted to, about 7am Central rather than 6am. Why? Because of not going to bed till midnight. Why were we stupid like that?

We promised my mother to fix the Direct TV wiring the weekend before. Well, we didn't get to it then and Chad said we had plenty of time to get it done Thursday night. No problem.

I should listen to my gut.

We drilled the holes into my sister's bedroom and fed the cables into there. We didn't find that out until after my father was up in the attic and we needed to feed the cable down behind my parents' bedroom wall. Why did we drill in the wrong spot? Because when my parents had siding put on their house, they ran the cable cable down from the attic underneath the siding before coming out with it. And we drilled where the cable came out.

We finally got my parents' bedroom hooked up and stopped before heading to the living room seeing that it was 10:30ish. Then I had to go online, get my friends' address, send out passwords, take a bath, and pack. So that's why I didn't want to get up at 5am.

The road trip Friday went smoothly. We encountered very little traffic and got to Clearwater about 8pm Eastern time, within the 12 hours I predicted. I am the navigator.

Yes, there was expressed doubt about my route. Me and Chad carvaned with Rick Hight, one of the owners of LARF. My friends Billy and Misty took us out to eat at Bennaigan's. Steaks and salads and ribs, and they like Chad and Chad likes them. Major goodies all round.

Saturday was Faire day. And I discovered that my black vinyl bodice needs a winter Faire. I pooped out quickly. And taking it off was suggested many times that day, but as I keep pointing out size D boobies without support is equally uncomfortable. We also ran into Alvon Brummfield and his family in tow, the other owner of LARF. Chad had been talking about our trip.

But we made an excellent contact for school day, a group of pirates connected with Capt. Jack. Not Johnny Depp, but the guy has the impersonation down perfect. He dribbled on my peasant blouse and they loved my ship necklace. They do black powder demos and put on the trial of Mary Read and Anne Bonny, little later than us but them gals were fun. I want to do the Pirate case on the school days now. *BOUNCE*

We left early because of my health. I was downing water like crazy and peeing so I was hydrated, but still too hot to go on. But it was a good thing, cause it gave Billy enough time to get things situated with his anime club and for us to woof down pizza and go see Hellboy.

I was going to go even if it sucked. Ron Perlman, I'll watch anything he is in since Beauty and the Beast went off the air. He's in The Name of the Rose along with Sean Connery and Christian Slater. Back to Hellboy, it didn't suck. It's a well crafted movie with complex good guys and interesting albeit freaky bad guys. Fun ride that stuck to its theme and characterization. It won't make as much money as Spidey 2, but there was our contribution to helping it break even.

We also got trailers for Arthur, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. Looks like they're going for Arthur is a Roman--like modern research believes--probably heavily influenced by Mary Stewart's works. And it looks like the made Guienevre a Celt, which I think is pretty interesting. Van Helsing just looks damn cool. They kept the burning windmill from Frankenstein. I think it's going to end up being a new story that pays homage to the classic Universal monster films. Which is fine by me.

Sunday was the drive home. Completely uneventful. We made it back by 7:30pm Central time and had left Clearwater later than anticipated. Ate supper at our favorite Chinese buffet and discovered I'm broke again. *Groan* So now it's get through this week because Friday is payday.

Writing during the trip: I wrote about 4 paragrpahs. However the first two were telling not showing and I had to rewrite them. Total of usable paragraphs: 2.

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No writing today

Quote of the Day: Johnny Depp: "I can't believe you're giving me exposition." (over changes made in the dialogue of a scene)
Screenwriters of Pirates of the Caribbean: "But we give you 'miscreants.'"
Johnny: "All right then, that's an even trade." (Paraphrased but the source material is in the screenwriters commentary on the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD)

I have to get Chad so we can do the wiring tonight. So leaving early today. :p This is getting to be a habit I don't like. But hopefully I can make up for it while Chad drives tomorrow.

Yeah, leaving tomorrow morning to go see my friends down in Florida and go to the Tampa Bay RenFaire. Should be back Sunday night.

Now since I've plowed through the lawsuits and don't have any form 119s waiting for me, I'm getting to work on the lesson plan and the pirate lecture. Now I remember why I never wanted to teach. Too much have to justify why you're doing this instead of just doing it. Granted with the state of education, it is necessary. But I prefer the tutorials method, put it there and let who wants it take it.

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Pirate Lecture

I finally finished it. Once typed and I got the lesson plan thingy and the handouts designed, I can concentrate on fiction again.

Short so I can type the silly thing.

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Distractions, distractions, distractions

Well after getting the Christmas letters written and printed (which the mailing will have to be delayed until after we get back from Tampa Bay so I can see if I have any money left--stupid groceries), I got a paragraph written before it was go home time. Which finished up Zy's journal exerpt for Chapter Three.

Then I went home and managed to find the space in front of my monitor on my desk. Course I needed to work on webpage updates, but I didn't manage to get to that. Maybe tonight. Better be tonight, I still have beaucoup work to do on the archive project and looks like a couple of new submitters.

And work has gone rather interesting in the lunch hour. We're hoping our supervisor sticks to her word.

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I'm back

Crazy four day weekend.

My grandmother's surgery went fine, but it'll be sometime next week before we know if that's all the surgery she has to have.

Talked to martgage people and it looks like I can buy the place, if my grandmother is willing to sell. She's still thinking about that.

I thought I'd at least get the pirate lecture finished this weekend. Nope. Dishes and cooking and Chad got started on wiring and plumbing at his place. We were supposed to get wiring done for my mother and now we have to do that Thursday night.

I just feel so frustrated when I can't write. Work is picking up so I doubt I'll have the time then to write. I still have the extra hour that's just for writing before I leave work, but I'll have to be more strict with myself and not use any of that time for research.

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