Date of passing: October 3, 2005 4:07 p.m.
This is the last picture I have of her. Taken sometime in April or May.
Read Free!
The BookWorm
Stress therapy to improve my bill-paying job and my writing. *Shrug* Some times whining leads to profound ideas. Also known online as KLCtheBookWorm.
the car ride home and it's time for my daily reflection to the sounds of Metallica and San Francisco Orchestra; gotta love the S&M album.
So what's bothering me today besides the pinched nerve in my neck and lack of sunglasses (I figure they're in my black bag on the back seat I must empty it someday)? Same thing bothering me every ride home, Pinky. My writing career.
I had a productive day today for nonfiction. Deadlines and slack work time are a blessing. That thing called sleep probably isn't going to happen this weekend. I'd be having a typing marathon [didn't happen I ended up at the hospital with my cousin], up early to get Chad [sorta happened with a lousy definition of "early"], put in toilet [actually we got this one accomplished! Now we just have to find the tiny leak on it], finish typing [stop laughing this is my delusional-ish self-reflection], two movies [both were very good escapism which I desperately needed by that point], taking Chad back [I finally got to type at his mother's]; you get the idea what my weekend looks like.
Anyways, productive for nonfiction. My car time, when not spent in self-reflection, has been useful for a TMNT fanfic experiment--which I think is just an excuse by me to not deal with transitions--and for a revision rewrite of the prologue for my webcomic idea. I'm thinking I can offer it for sale on my website if it's good enough. No just cause I don't intended it for magazine sales doesn't mean it can be substandard. The two or three short story ideas for magazines have been holding stagnant, and I want to work on Zy's novel again. But I've still been productive.
Yet it doesn't feel productive. I'm tired all the time and can't justify spending time on housework or homework, much less writing. SLU English Department is starting a writing group meeting at 3pm. Everything they do is in the fucking middle of the day. I know I need to yell louder to have my needs met as a student, but trying, but trying to raise enough energy throught the demons yelling that their lack of sympathy is just proof that I'm not part of the group and will always be exiled. Never hired, never a member of the group with a valid opinion. Outsider wanting to be part of the cool crowd once again. [Most of this brought on by Thursday night drama that left me with equal parts of "I'm supposed to have something in common with these people" and "grow up already." Added to the residual disappointment over the job opportunity.]
Look don't tell me it's stupid feeling that way even slightly. I know it's stupid. But I also can't help thinking it when I'm depressed over the fact Chad and I were supposed to be in classes at the same time this semester and here I am eating alone while everyone else is in that happy bliss of college life and my classes suck and the only think I'll probably get out of them is which 17th century writer make good quotes. And add to that I will never get away from the soul-sucking commute cause the job employment gods hate me. Fun being in my head isn't it? [No, I really don't expect that to have a positive answer.]
What's wrong with me? I'm not even sure if a writing group will help. Forward Motion just added to my stress. I read a rant by Scott Kurtz in how he found his creative spark and hasn't missed a day of PvP since. I want that. Desperately.
I should go reexamine Heather Sellers advice on dealing with demons and calling the muse back. And I better do it soon before I have a nervous breakdown over my writing career.
Your best chance of finding peace with others is to make some peace with yourself, by accepting a less-than-perfect aspect of your personality, making the best use of it, being careful not to take it out on others, using all this as a way to like your less-than-perfect self -- and then letting your critics love it or leave it.


| Your Birthdate: February 26 |
Your birth on the 26th day of the month (8 energy) modifies your life by increasing your capability to function and succeed in the business world. In this environment you have the skills to work very well with others thanks to the 2 and 6 energies combining in this date. There is a marked increase in organizational, managerial, and administrative abilities. You are efficient and handle money very well. You're ambitious and energetic, while generally remaining cooperative and adaptable. You are conscientious and not afraid of responsibility. Generally sociable and diplomatic, you tend to use persuasion rather than force. You have a wonderful combination of being good at both the broad strokes and the fine detail; good at starting and continuing. This birthday is practical and realistic, often seeking material satisfaction. |
Dear America,
I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana.
We have arrived on your doorstep on short notice and we apologize for
that, but we never were much for waiting around for invitations.
We're not much on formalities like that.
And we might be staying around your town for a while, enrolling in
your schools and looking for jobs, so we wanted to tell you a few
things about us. We know you didn't ask for this and neither did we,
so we're just going to have to make the best of it.
First of all, we thank you. For your money, your water, your food,
your prayers, your boats and buses and the men and women of your
National Guards, fire departments, hospitals and everyone else who
has come to our rescue.
We're a fiercely proud and independent people, and we don't cotton
much to outside interference, but we're not ashamed to accept help
when we need it. And right now, we need it.
Just don't get carried away. For instance, once we get around to
fishing again, don't try to tell us what kind of lures work best in
your waters.
We're not going to listen. We're stubborn that way.
You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange
music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out
of your yard.
We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too
much and laugh too loud and live too large and, frankly, we're
suspicious of others who don't.
But we'll try not to judge you while we're in your town.
Everybody loves their home, we know that. But we love South Louisiana
with a ferocity that borders on the pathological. Sometimes we bury
our dead in LSU sweatshirts.
Often we don't make sense. You may wonder why, for instance - if we
could only carry one small bag of belongings with us on our journey
to your state - why in God's name did we bring a pair of shrimp boots?
We can't really explain that. It is what it is.
You've probably heard that many of us stayed behind. As bad as it is,
many of us cannot fathom a life outside of our border, out in that
place we call Elsewhere.
The only way you could understand that is if you have been there, and
so many of you have. So you realize that when you strip away all the
craziness and bars and parades and music and architecture and all
that hooey, really, the best thing about where we come from is us.
We are what made this place a national treasure. We're good people.
And don't be afraid to ask us how to pronounce our names. It happens
all the time.
When you meet us now and you look into our eyes, you will see the
saddest story ever told. Our hearts are broken into a thousand pieces.
But don't pity us. We're gonna make it. We're resilient. After all,
we've been rooting for the Saints for 35 years. That's got to count
for something.
OK, maybe something else you should know is that we make jokes at
inappropriate times.
But what the hell.
And one more thing: In our part of the country, we're used to having
visitors. It's our way of life.
So when all this is over and we move back home, we will repay to you
the hospitality and generosity of spirit you offer to us in this
season of our despair.
That is our promise. That is our faith.